


Extra Ordinary

by lowlights



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, Dan is a super villain, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil people - Freeform, Falling In Love, Finding themselves, M/M, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Phil is lonely :(, Strangers to Lovers, Superheroes, key word eventual, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-08-11 13:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 50,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7895041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowlights/pseuds/lowlights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world of superheroes and cunning villains, Phil Lester seems to be the only one who isn’t granted a power. But after being abducted by Dan Howell, a.k.a Lynx, the world's most wanted villain, he discovers that maybe being ordinary isn't so bad after all.</p><p>*finished*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Ordinary Pain

**Author's Note:**

> school just started and i need something to do besides homework so here we go!! thanks for reading :))))

Phil Lester likes to walk through the middle of the street at one in the morning. He is always looking up, watching the sky lighten and the beautiful stars slowly fade. People worry about him sometimes. He can hear people whisper about him on the street, bend down to ask his parents in a low voice if he's "okay".

Well, he's fine. In a sense.  
He's completely normal and ordinary.  
But that just so happens to be the problem.

You see, on these late night walks of his, stars aren't the only things he can see shooting across the sky. Women and men clad in generic spandex suits and capes fly too. Phil can be careful not to bump into a streetlight or a traffic cone, but he could most certainly bump into someone who can't be seen by the human eye. Until they shimmer into view to tell him off, of course. Because everyone in Stone Line City is extraordinary. Everyone has super powers, everyone except Phil. Phil's just extra ordinary. Even in his own home he's taunted by his family's power. His father is a telekinetic, mixing cake batter and washing floors with his mind. His mother is an omniscient, incredibly knowledgable. She can recite whole novels. His older brother is a flyte, one of the rarer superpowers. Of course, the whole family is incredibly proud of James, who is going to use his abilities to become an officer. He goes into the field next week, and family members keep dropping by to tell him how amazing he is. Phil usually stays in his room at these times.

At first, people just thought he was a late bloomer. Some kids got their powers on the second day of their lives, shooting sparks from their crib, and some got them on the fifth year of their life, running downstairs excitedly as they realize that they just healed their own skinned knee. Phil is seventeen now, and he knows his powers aren't coming. At first his family still tried to engage him in activities, but over time he just stop trying to fit in with the rest of the world. 

Phil prefers walking.

Walking and watching the news and lying in bed, eyes screwed shut, getting lost in alternate realities he creates in his mind, realities where he's just like everybody else, where the word "ordinary" doesn't haunt him like a ghost. 

His family is always downstairs, eating together, chatting to each other, making small talk about the days work.  
When they were younger, they would play outside. His father would make objects hover fly in the air, sending them this way and that for James to follow and catch. His mom would smile and recite stats from her chair, promising her oldest son that one day his name would be written down in the record books. 

Phil would watch from inside, his face pressed against the glass, right hand loosely gripping a teddy bear, thinking to himself that as soon as he got his powers too he could play outside. He would spend hours imagining what he would be able to do, what power he would have. How cruel and twisted the world is. Now, Phil sits in his bedroom watching television.

The news, as of late, is especially grim. Phil's family, like most, lives in the suburbs of Stone Line, about a half hour drive away from the city, where the attacks have been happening. 

In a world where anyone can become a superhero, anyone can also become a villain. And while there has always been the occasional robbery, or fire scare, they would always be unorganized, the work of some half-assed criminal who nobody bothered to care about besides the local police force. 

Lately, everything had become ten times as worrisome. Mass murders repeatedly occurred at the heart of the city, and while everybody knew who was causing them, the super villain had not been caught. He was too cunning even for the federal forces. He was a beacon of raw power, a chaotic evil. 

Lynx.  
His powers are so rare, so dangerous, that he is the only documented person in history to possess them. 

Lynx is a shade. He can control shadows, make them come to life in the form of chaotic gray mist. 

Imagine being killed by your own shadow. Now imagine watching everyone around you slowly meeting the same fate. 

And after killing these harmless civilians, Lynx flees so quickly that officers could never find him. 

More and more often these killings were happening, until they became a morbid routine. Phil had heard his family have many a worried conversation about them. The city was paranoid, in shock. The officers patrolled the streets, often the first ones to die. People had been deserting the force, making wild claims to have spotted Lynx. No funerals were held for the dead, their bodies shipped off to who knows where, leaving throngs of broken hearted loved ones in their wake. 

Phil gets out of bed at one in the morning, climbing out through his window and onto the roof, a technique he's mastered through the years. If he was like all the other kids his age, he would be sneaking out to go to parties every night instead of sneaking out to walk. Nobody wanted to be his friend, though. They weren't sure if they could, they weren't sure how they could interact with someone so incredibly different. Phil tried not to hold it against them, but on these early morning lonely walks, he sometimes found it hard. 

He doesn't walk much this morning, only a couple of blocks. He sits down on the pavement and leans back against a telephone pole, looking up at the pitch black sky. Stars twinkle and gleam in the night, giving off a radiant light. Phil finds one off to the side that's less bright than all the rest. Irrational tears start rolling down his face, and he wipes them on his jacket. 

"What a fucking mess I am," he thinks to himself, "Connecting with a star."

And with that, he gets up, walks home in the dark, pulls himself up on his roof, and grabs a blanket. The sunrise doesn't turn the sky pretty colors, it just slowly brightens until the stars disappear and the sky looks light gray. A corner of the sun peaks out from behind the skyscrapers in the distance, and Phil slides the window shut, gets in bed, and rolls over. 

He wakes up after a couple hours to a repetitive knock on his door. He opens it, bleary-eyed, to find his mother, standing in a casual dress with her arms crossed. 

"Phillip!"  
"Mum? What's going on..."  
"We have guests coming over in half an hour to see your brother. Please just come downstairs and look decent for ten minutes. And change out of those pajamas!"  
"Okay, mum."  
"Thank you, Phil."

They talk like awkward acquaintances, not like a mother and her son. Of course all the neighbors are going to come by to wish James well at his job. Phil hates these things the most, because people think that he can't hear them try to subtly ask his parents whats wrong with him, and his parents don't think he notices the embarrassed looks on their faces as they try to explain. 

He stands in the kitchen, holding an apple in one hand and watching James. James, who gets all the attention and all the love. The neighbors are all questioning him about his degree, about what his job will be like, about his friends at uni. Of *course* James is also amazing at small talk and all social interaction. Of course mom and dad would be looking over with proud smiles on their faces, not noticing their younger son leave the house for the second time that day. 

They've tried to talk to him about these walks of his, but they don't know how to talk to their youngest son. They like to avoid him, putting it down to him being a moody teenager. Phil wishes he had problems as simple as those, problems that you grow out of, that you learn to laugh about.

His problems are more of the "never-grew-into-them" variety. Which is quite taxing to explain to prying strangers. Which is why Phil decides to take a long walk on this crisp, cool morning. 

He pops the collar of his jacket to protect his neck, and he pulls his hands into the sleeves, creating little paws with his hand. As he walks, he loses track of time, losing himself in his own mind as he dreams up scenarios in which he has powers, rare powers that nobody has ever seen before. Kid stuff, really. But Phil can't help himself. It's better to be lost in fantasy than to be perpetually stuck in reality. He walks for hours, picking weeds on the side of the street and forming them into a bouquet, until the green strips next to the road become gradually smaller and smaller until they disappear altogether. 

Phil finds himself in the city. He's always secretly loved coming here. There's something so freeing about walking through crowds of strangers that won't remember your face for two seconds after they pass you. Nobody here knows Phil as "ordinary". For all they know, he's amazingly powerful. He smiles at the thought. 

The city is abuzz, people rushing this way and that, talking to others, talking on their phone, talking to themselves, and in rare cases, not talking at all. Phil's eyes glance over everything with a smile. Something about tall metal boxes and minimal trees makes Phil happy, apparently. He walks deeper into the city, not caring about how long it will take to get home. His parents won't worry, in fact they'll be glad to have him gone for James's party. He pauses under a tree and looks up at the sun in the sky. 

"I saw you when you were just rising," Phil whispers, like he's telling a secret. 

The clouds move slowly across the sky, puffy and white and traveling in bunches. Phil leans against the trunk of the tree, closing his eyes and breathing in the pocket of peace in the middle of the city. 

He walks almost with his eyes closed, making decisions about where to go based on raw instinct every time he gets to a crossroad. He may be lost, but he has all day to get home. 

He finds himself darting down a surprisingly clean alley, so he pauses to take a breath by a spray painted wall. Names upon names upon names are printed in various obnoxiously large fonts, and Phil takes a pencil and writes his name, very small, at the bottom of the wall. Maybe someday, someone will notice it and think, even for a split second, about him. The thought of that makes him happy. He leans back against the concrete wall, pulling his jacket closer around him. "It's chilly today," he thinks, and that's the last thing he remembers thinking before absolute chaos rings out. 

The first thing he hears are the screams.  
Then they're layered by an announcers voice, pleading with everybody to stay calm.

Phil's eyes widen in fear, he rushes to the end of the alley and peeks around the corner only to have his creeping suspicions confirmed. 

Lynx.

Phil freezes for half a second, paralyzed in fear, then darts back down the alley and crouches down by the wall, breathing hard and hoping to go unseen. He feels like he's been sitting for hours and hours, listening to the loudspeaker and the screams and the officers shouting at each other, though in reality it's probably only been minutes. 

"He's gone, He's gone!"  
"Well he has to have gone somewhere, you fools! Go! Faster! We have to find him, gentlemen!"

Phil looks up tentatively, his heartbeat throbbing in his head. He stands up slowly. "Maybe," he thinks, "maybe it's over."

And that's when someone runs into him. He turns around slowly and sees a face that he's only ever seen through a television screen.

Lynx stands in front of him.

They stand there, staring at each other for a few seconds that feel like they last an eternity. Finally the villain breaks the silence.

"Well shit," Lynx says with a smirk, "you've caught me, haven't you?"

Phil gulps. 

"We can't have that. You'll have to come with me."

And with that, the most notorious super villain in history has a gloved hand over Phil's gaping mouth. He inhales sharply in surprise, realizing too late that he's breathing in chemicals. Then his eyelashes flutter closed and he drops into a deep sleep.

When he returns to consciousness, Phil doesn't open his eyes. He can still smell remnants of whatever sleep serum was used, making him a bit drowsy, but he still tries to hear what's going on around him. 

"Who the hell is this, Howell?"  
"Some guy, caught me running out. Couldn't risk him screaming, just gave him some serum."  
"Aw, come on man. You know you could have done something way easier. You just wanted to keep him, didn't you?!"  
"Shut up, Xavi."  
"Didn't you!! Oh damn, the Lynx has a cruuuuush!"  
"Xavi! I don't, alright? Look at him!"  
"Not my type, but I don't know what you're into..."  
"Just put him in the spare room before he wakes up. Lock the door. We shouldn't let him out until we have time to... explain some things."  
"If you wanna seduce him, you might not want to lock him in the spare, Howell."  
"For the last time, I-"  
"Just saying, just saying. Relax, man, I'll triple lock the door if you want me to."

Phil tries to quiet the butterflies swarming around in his stomach. Where the hell was he? Who the hell was he with? Would his family be worried about him? ... Would they even realize he's gone?

The cot he's lying on jolts forward in a sudden movement, making Phil jump in surprise. His arm shoots up and his eyes pop open almost comically wide. There is silence for a couple of seconds. 

"Shiiiiiiit..."

"Howell? Your boy's awake!"  
"Are you trying to be funny, Xavi? Because that's not funny!"  
"No, man, I'm being serious! Get in here!"

Phil scans the room, surprised by how normal his surroundings are in the midst of all this chaos. There's a rug on the floor, a fireplace in the corner, half worn sofas and chairs around the perimeter of the room. Just like any normal living room, except for the masks and mixes and weapons strewn across the bookshelves and coffee tables. 

And of course, the foreboding villain standing in the doorway. 

The Lynx does not have a mask or gloves or spandex black pants on. He's wearing black skinny jeans and a long sleeved white shirt with a band name inscribed across the front. His hair is slightly curly at the ends, and it frames his face in a curtain. His eyes are mean, narrowed in disgust as he stares at Phil. 

Phil tries to speak, half a billion questions crowding his mind.

"Where have you taken me?! Why did you-"  
"Look, mate, you're gonna have to shut up a second. Sleep some more. We have a room for you. When you wake up, then I'll answer your questions."  
"I've slept enough! I want to know where I am, I need to-"  
"I know, I know, the family's worried, you're missing, the whole shebang. We have a burner phone you can use later."  
"That's- uh, I'm not worried about my family. I just want to know why the hell you kidnapped me!"

The Lynx laughs. It looks weird on his face, his eyes crinkling up in the corners and his mouth opening wide in an exaggerated smile.

"Because, you would have told the whole city my best escape route! We can't have that, now can we."  
"Well then, where are we now?"  
"Like I said, sleep, then I'll talk to you about whatever you want. Just don't make any noise or try to call for help, okay? Don't be stupid, and nothing bad will happen to you."  
"What do you mean, nothing bad?!"  
"Wheel him out, Xavi."

And Phil is rapidly moving down a hall and into a door. The door is shut behind him, and a telltale click tells him it's locked as well.

This room is also scarily normal. The lights are slightly dim, making everything look cozy. There's a bed in the corner, with a table beside it. There's a fuzzy rug on the ground, a shelf in the corner with a couple of picture frames on it. Phil gets up from the cot and takes look around. The walls are bare, nails hanging off some of them where Phil presumes things used to be hanging. He makes his way over to the dresser, looking at the pictures that are stacked in the back right corner. 

There are five pictures. The first one looks old, the photo is slightly faded. It shows a little boy sitting on a wooden floor, face frozen in laughter, waving a toy truck around in his hands. 

The second one shows the same boy, slightly older, holding an older boys hand. They're standing in front of a concrete block, presumably a school. The older boy is smiling big, and he seems to be glowing. He must be a dynamo, Phil thinks. He had met a couple of dynamos before, those able to expel energy beams. The little boy in the picture seems scared, a little sad. Phil recognizes that feeling.

The third one seems to be a family portrait. Two beaming parents stand, lovingly gripping a boy's shoulders, who Phil recognizes as the older one from the second picture. It's signed, "To Sandy-- You're the light of our lives!! We love you, son. Wishing you the best of luck at university. Love, mum and dad."

Phil's eyes scan the photo again and notices another boy, standing in the background, slightly blurred. He's slumped, looking tired and weak. He stares over at the parents and son longingly. He must be the little boy. The younger son. Something looks out of place, and finally Phil realizes that the younger son doesn't have a shadow.

Oh. So this isn't just any family. The younger son is Lynx. Despite himself, Phil feels sorry for the villain. He knows the feeling of being forgotten, feeling less. 

The fourth photo is taken from the front porch of a house. On the street, a boy in a baseball cap with greek letters on it is getting into a car. His hand is raised in a wave, a smile takes up his whole face. His mother has a hand on his shoulder, kissing his cheek, his father is clapping him on the back. The younger boy, Lynx, is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he is taking the picture, capturing the lovely family scene that he is not part of. 

The last picture is of the same two boys, but they are little again. The older boy is holding both the younger boy's hands, smiling, literally glowing. The younger boy looks entranced, his mouth in an "o" shape, his eyes wide in wonder. There's stuff written on this one too, cramped, messy handwriting that's almost unreadable.  
It says, "I'm sorry, Sandy."

Phil wonders about the story that these photos tell. He recognizes the facial expressions of the younger boy, because he's worn them himself. He understands what it's like to be the blurry boy in the back of the happy family photo. In fact, that's a damn good metaphor for his life. And just as he begins to put the photos down, a voice shakes him out of his thoughts. 

"Nosey, huh?"

Phil turns around to see Lynx once again standing in the doorway. He instinctively backs up against the wall, his heartbeat quickening. 

"L-Lynx."

"My name is Dan, actually. I would much prefer you call me that."

Phil lets out a squeak. He could talk to him earlier, but only because he was drowsy and confused. Now that his mind is clear, he can register that he should, by all means, be absolutely terrified of the boy in black skinny jeans. He's tall, foreboding... Not to mention a mass murderer. 

As if he can read Phil's thoughts, Lynx responds with a half-hearted laugh.

"If I was out to kill you, I would have done it by now. I've had a thousand opportunities, so why wait until now?"

"Because you wanted to see me die?!" Phil expels words without really pausing to think. 

"Now, really. Do you think I'm that cruel?"  
"...Yes," Phil responds, mind flashing to the thousands of reports he's seen on TV about that very subject.  
Dan's eyes soften, looking almost sad. His voice sounds gravelly when he speaks. 

"I suppose you might be right. But for now, you may want to hear some answers to your questions."

Phil nods. He has a lot of questions to ask. 

"Where are we?" He starts.  
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that. Just know, we're far away from the city. By the way, black-hair, what's your name?"  
"P-Phil."

"Okay, Phil... What else do you wanna know?"  
"Why did you bring me here?"  
"I told you, because you were blocking my escape."

"How long are you going to make me stay here?"  
"I don't know, Phil, I don't know."

"Who else is here?"  
"My friends. But you'll meet them soon enough."

"I, uh, don't really need to know anything else, I guess."  
"You can call someone if you want. We have a burner phone. But you're not allowed to say anything that could give anything away."  
"I don't have anyone to call," Phil replies, shrugging his shoulders. 

Dan cocks his head, eyebrows raising slightly.

"Okay then. I have a question for you, Phil."  
"..."  
"Where did you get such beautiful eyes?"

And before Phil has time to register the question, Dan Howell, the Lynx, has gotten up and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. And locking it. Phil slumps down, feeling like a prisoner. A horribly confused prisoner that has committed no crime. 

But something about him feels cozy when he thinks about how even super villains can have soft looking eyes.


	2. Air Made of Bricks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys :)) this chapter is slightly shorter because I'm pretty busy this week and I'm visiting family, but I hope you enjoy it! THANKS FOR READING!!!

Phil has been locked in this room for what must have been hours by now. He has memorized every stitch in the bedsheets, every chink in the wall, every splinter on the dresser. Howell has told him to sleep, but Phil doesn’t really feel like sleeping at the moment. He probably couldn’t if he tried. 

His mind is racing. Even though Howell had come in to answer his questions, he didn’t do anything of the sort. Phil still had no idea where he was, or why they wouldn’t let him leave this room. 

He’s hungry now, too, and he wonders how long it’s been since he last ate— was it only this morning he had a piece of toast as he walked out the door? Or had it been weeks? The questions build up in his mind, until it feels like he is about to explode. He finally slumps onto the bed and stares across the room at the white walls. He hears voices coming from outside, but they go right past his door as they have been doing all day. 

“— think we could get it under control by now!”  
“He’s unstable, we all know we have to get rid of him at some point.”  
“We gave him specific instructions! Why the hell did he take out—“

He can’t make any sense of the bits on conversation he hears.  
Phil groans. For the first time in his life, he wants to go home. Or at least for a walk. 

Honestly, anywhere other than this room seems like a good option. 

Suddenly the door clicks open and in walks a tall girl with long black braids that reach almost down to her feet. She's smiling, and she hold in her hand a plate full of food. She sets the plate down on the dresser.

"Hello, I've brought you some dinner. They thought you may be hungry."

'Who are they?' Phil wonders, but silently accepts the food and reaches out to pick up the fork. 

The girl turns around to leave, and Phil realizes his opportunity to ask her about the current situation. 

"Hey, wait!" He calls to her back, "Um, do you know why I'm here?"

She turns back around and nods slowly, as if unsure what she should answer. 

"Well, I don't really. But you'll find out soon enough, I'm sure."  
"Are we in the city?"  
"No, very far from the city. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll go back soon."  
"Can you tell me anything about anything? I'm just so confused."  
"Yeah, I remember my first day here. Things will get cleared up eventually. I'm not authorized to tell you anything or answer any of your questions myself, but I'm sure they'll have someone come by soon to answer your questions for real. I don't know who brought you here, so I don't know what you'll be doing."  
"It was uh-- it was the Lynx? He brought me here?"  
"You mean Howell? That's...Well maybe I was wrong. You might not be staying here a while."

It seems like every "answer" creates a thousand more questions in his head. 

"I'm sorry, I really do need to go now. I hope you have a good sleep."  
"Wait, could you leave the door unlocked? I've been in here all day and I'd like to walk around some."  
"I'm not really sure if I'm allowed to.... Oh well, justly to be quiet, alright? And don't rat me out!"  
"How could I? I don't even know your name."  
"Oh, right, well, I'm Hale. And you are?"  
"Phil. Phil Lester."  
"Nice to meet you, Phil."

And with that, she speeds out of the room, her braids swinging behind her. Phil scarfs down all the food in record time, then decides that he might as well go exploring. 

He cautiously opens the door, and peeks out into a hallway that looks completely empty. He steps out, tentatively at first, then begins to walk at a normal pace. It's peaceful, to be winding his way through these halls, and with every step he tries to stop thinking about everything he doesn't know, and focus on what he does know. 

Which is walking. This place, wherever he is, is a labyrinth. There are halls upon halls upon halls, with doors lining them and stairs at the end of them. Like he did in the city, Phil turns random corners, opens random doors, follows different paths. It feels strangely routine, even though it's completely different. 

After wandering around for a while, Phil finds himself completely lost, and, unlike the city, he has no real bearings, no landmarks to mark where he needs to go. He tries to retrace his steps, but instead turns down a hallway that ends in a lift.

Well, it would be faster than climbing those damn stairs again. 

He climbs inside the strongly large and modern machine, notices the absolute abundance of buttons on the panel. One in particular sticks out to him, labelled ROOF. 

Phil feels a strange kind of nostalgia, mixed with a tinge of homesickness. Even though he has been here for only a day (that he knows of), even though he doesn't exactly love being at home, he misses long walks in the dark and watching the sun set on his own roof. So he presses it, feeling the lift immediately rise up into the air. 

It stops, the doors pulling apart, revealing the roof. It's completely flat, looking like a concrete slab. He can see the edge, but sees no stars in the sky above him. Everything is completely black. 

Then he notices him. The Lynx, Dan Howell is standing at the edge of the roof. Dressed in all black, he blends in quite well. 

Dan Howell. Also known as the reason Phil is standing on this roof, unsure of anything. 

Phil walks to the edge, sits himself down a calculated distance away from Howell. 

They both see each other but stare away from each other, watching the darkness get somehow darker, until, finally, Dan decides to break the silence. 

"What do you see?" Dan speaks without looking at Phil. 

"Uh... Nothing, I guess."

"So why are you looking?"

"Nothing better to do."

Dan chuckles, still not taking his eyes away from the non-view ahead of him. 

"Well, I understand that."

"Why did you bring me here?" Phil asks abruptly, honestly just wanting a real answer to the question that he had asked everyone. 

"Because you were in my way, Lester."

"Well, you could've just run faster!"  
"I'd rather not take that risk."  
"And where are we?"  
"I'm unauthorized to give you any information."  
"Well, it's not like you were authorized to kidnap me, were you?"

Dan laughs again, finally turning his head to look at Phil.

"Fair enough. We're at a top secret government facility far removed from the city. I'm not exactly sure where, nobody knows that except for the Up-Tops."

"...What? But..."

"Look, I shouldn't have even told you that. Trust me, somebody will come and brief you soon. They're pissed at me for bringing you here, but now that you *are* here, they'll want to see what you can do."

"Nothing," Phil thinks, "I can't do anything."

But aloud he only says, "Oh."

"So who are-"  
"Look, I know that this is really weird to you, but can we talk about something else?"  
"...Okay. What do you wanna talk about?"  
"Not much these days, to be honest. I don't talk much."  
"Me neither. I prefer walking."  
"Walking? Where's the fun in that?"  
"It's just nice. Being on my own for a while."  
"So you're a loner, huh?"  
"I guess... I mean, I don't really have any friends. And my family is just like, well, you know..."  
"You know something, Phil? I think I do know."

It's strangely comforting to Phil, seeing someone else who maybe understands. He remembers the photos of Dan's family he found in the room. He wonders what their story is. 

"So what do you do all day here?" Phil asks Dan, swinging his legs a little bit.  
"There's not much to do. Just... A lot of waiting around and wondering when something will change."  
"I hate that feeling. Waiting is hard."  
"Yeah. Especially when you don't know what you're even waiting for."  
"Or when you know what you're waiting for, but you also know that you'll have to wait a long, long time."  
"Yeah."

The two boys just sit there, unsure of what to do, looking at each other’s eyelashes and lips and cheekbones until they are pretty sure they have memorized the other one’s face. And then they look some more. 

Phil likes Dan's eyes. They are honey-nut brown and soft and not at all menacing. 

And, with that thought, Phil realizes who he has been talking to. Dan Howell is not soft. Dan Howell is menacing. Dan Howell is cold-blooded killer who kidnapped Phil.

Dan Howell is a loner, just like him. They share almost the same thoughts.

But Phil can't look at him without wondering if the people he has killed ever saw his eyes before their own shadow strangled them. 

"Why do you do it?" He asks, not really meaning to.

"Do what?" Dan talks sleepily, still staring at Phil.

"Kill all those innocent people.... They don't deserve it. And, you don't really sound like a murderer. You remind me of... me."

Dan's eyes go blank, and he stands up from the edge of the roof quickly. 

"I'm sorry Phil, I have to go."  
"Wait, Dan, I shouldn't have asked you--"  
"It's okay. And, for the record, I wonder why I do it too. I'm... Not a murderer, not really."

He shakes his head.

"You should go, Phil. I kill them anyway."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean, I don't want- I don't try- just..."

He looks down, bites his lip.

"Sweet dreams, Phil."

And with that, Dan Howell, merciless killer, turns on his heel only just after Phil catches a tear falling down his cheek.

 

Hours later, Phil finally finds his way back to his room. He falls asleep with all of his questions still concrete in his head, but one falls high above the others. 

Who is Dan Howell? Because he seems like a different person than the Lynx.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have another fic called "Friends Shouldn't Kiss Me Like You Do" if you want to check that out! It has shorter chapters and a lotttttt of angst but it will turn out happy in the end


	3. A Debriefing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, happy sunday :)  
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ALSO CONGRATS DIL #MARRIEDAF

Phil's dreams are anything but sweet. It takes him hours to fall asleep in this strange bed, the thoughts that are tripping through his head won't leave him alone.

What about his family? Are they worried about him? They must have noticed his absence by now, Phil thinks. But, then again, there have been times when he hasn't come in contact with his family for days on end. So maybe... Maybe they don't even realize. 

Then there's the fact that he still has no idea what's happening around him. This place, whatever it is, is owned by the government. So why is Dan Howell, a super villain, allowed to stay here? Is it a prison? If so, why would he have brought Phil here? 

And Dan himself was the most worrying of all Phil's thoughts. Phil had seen him on tv, killing thousands of people, fleeing from the scene, merciless and dark and cold. And yet... He didn't seem like he would do anything like that. When Phil had asked him about it, he had seemed guarded and afraid. He said that "he wasn't like that, not really"... 

But what *was* he like, then? If he didn't want to kill all these people, then why the hell was he doing it? Phil had looked through the pictures a couple more times, trying to piece together the story that they might tell. 

Dan was always in the background, always dressed in all black, staring at the boy who must have been his older brother with a look in his eye that Phil recognized. 

The sadness of being the child that nobody truly loved. It sounds like something out of a sappy YA novel, but sometimes it also felt like the truth.  
The anger that came with being second-best.  
The guilty jealousy that seeped over everything else. The raw need to be as good as somebody else, the wishing that you could wake up in their body and never leave.  
The knowing that this would never happen. 

It was a look that Phil knew, a look that he was sure he wore whenever he watched his older brother lift off the ground. 

He wondered why Dan wore it so much. Dan, with an incredible and rare power, a power to be proud of. 

When Phil finally did fall asleep, he dreamed that he could fly. He lifted off the flat concrete roof and climbed so high in the sky that all he could see was the darkness around him. He was doing tricks, diving and flipping and looping. He turned around and Dan was there, dressed in his trademark black. He was hovering, arms crossed and eyebrows raised in a smirk. He raised his arms and the darkness got even darker, until Phil could barely see his own hands. Suddenly, Phil started falling, not able to control his power any longer. He shot out of the sky, down into the ever-present darkness, and just kept drifting down, like a leaf thrown off the Grand Canyon. He saw Dan again, diving down next to him, and the man dressed in all black put one finger to his lips and whispered something that Phil couldn't hear. 

And then he woke up. 

He hates his room. It's whitewashed, with no windows. If this place is a prison, they have done a pretty good job making it depressing. 

He can't be sure what time it is, as the clock on the wall doesn't work at all. He gets up off the bed and pokes his head into the hallway again. He steps out, looking for a clock, and finds one over the doorway to a room labelled D120. It's 7:00. Phil wonders if they'll bring him breakfast. 

Suddenly, he hears a door open and footsteps that sound very close to him. He ducks back inside, lies back down. He's still wearing his clothes from yesterday morning, a short sleeved button down and black jeans that need to be ironed. 

There are voices outside his door, very clear.

"D123, this is it."  
"How do you think he'll do?"  
"You never know. It's been a while since someone got brought in like this."  
"Bet you 50 pounds he'll try to escape."  
"You're on, they said he seemed pretty calm when Hale brought him food."  
"Oh hello, his door's already open..."  
"Maybe Hale forgot to lock it on her way out."  
"Maybe the guy's a fingersmith, picked his own lock."  
"If that's his power, the bosses are gonna be mighty disappointed..."  
"No shit, B. Head in now, come on."

His door swings open at that, and he quickly shuts his eyes and pretends to be asleep. He feels the end of his bed go down like someone's sat on it, and pressure on his legs.

"Wake up, wake up."

He tries his best pretend to get up, faking a yawn and blinking a couple times. 

"Hello, Mr.Lester."

Phil turns his head to see a woman sat on the end of his bed. Her blonde hair is pulls dup into a ponytail, and she wears thick rimmed black glasses. Standing in his doorway is an older man, his hairline receding, a tight smile on his face. They both wear white lab coats. 

"My name is Dr.Wilcox, and this is Dr.Small." The woman speaks first, trying her best to look welcoming. The man waves from his spot in the doorway, probably guarding the door in case Phil tries to leave. Which, according to the conversation he heard, is a possibility that happens quite a lot around here.

"Why are you here?" Phil inquires, scooting up against his headboard.

"Well, you probably have a few questions that you want to get answered. We're here to brief you."

Ah.

"Okay?" Phil is wary of these two doctors with their forced smiles and firm speech.

"Perfect. As you may know, there are people in our society who... don't comply with our wishes."

So it was a prison.

"And we have to get rid of them. There is simply no other way to go about it. But the government... we can't exactly kill them ourselves. The citizens would have... issues with that. So we need people to do it for us. Do you see what I'm saying?"

"..."

"We train people with amazing powers, hone in their skills. They go out into the cities and the suburbs and quickly and quietly... Do away with bad people."

"What?" Phil is confused. Why is Dan here, then? Surely he's a bad person, surely they...

"This is a training facility for government assassins, to put it quite bluntly." The woman smiles, but her face shows no such happy emotion. 

"Why... Why is the Lynx here?"

"Howell. Yes. He's a... special case. His powers are quite rare, quite incredible, aren't they? We have had him here for a long time."  
"But- but he murders thousands of people! Surely he can't be--"

"Yes, Howell sometimes has a problem, er, *controlling* his abilities. But there is nobody who can get the job done quite like him."  
"So, he goes out to kill one person, and he ends up killing dozens? And you send him back out?"  
"Practice makes perfect, dear."

Phil wants to throw up. The mass murders are the indirect work of the government... the most wanted villain is their employee in some twisted way. 

"Why am I here?"  
"Howell couldn't risk you telling anyone how he escapes, so he had to bring you back. A... questionable... move, but the damage is done, and here you will stay. After all, we haven't had a new recruit in a while."

It dawns on Phil that they are trying to tell him that they want him, too, to go out and assassinate, kill people with powers he doesn't even have. 

"N-no... I can't, I mean, I.."  
"Mmm, well, that's what everyone's like at first, but you'll learn. So, Mr.Lester, tell us, what is your ability?"

"I don't..."

"If you tell us, it will make things much easier for everyone involved. We'll find out one way or another."

"I can't..."

"Mr. Lester. Our patience and our time wears thin."

"I don't have an ability." Phil's voice is soft and fast.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't have one... I can't do anything."

He looks up and the woman catches his eye. Her pupils dilate, fierce and searching. Oh. She's a verity, a human lie-detector.

"There's no way..."

"I swear, miss, I can't do anything. I never got a power, I'm... ordinary."

She looks him in the eye again like she's checking to make sure she didn't read him wrong.  
She gets up, walks quickly to the doorway where she holds a hushed conference with the older guy. 

Then she turns, looks back at Phil.

"You are a very peculiar case, Mr. Lester."  
"I know. Believe me, I've been told that my whole life. I just... I never got one."

"No, that's not what I mean."

"What?"

"You think you are telling the truth, I can tell."

"But you are lying, Mr. Lester. You aren't ordinary. You just think you are."

And with that, the two doctors leave the room and the door locks again.

There's no way. There's no way. There's no way.... But...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops a cliffhanger haha 
> 
> thanks for your comments and your kudos! It really makes my day <3 
> 
> until next week! If you want to read any more of my stuff in the meantime, check out "Friends Shouldn't Kiss Me Like You Do" I update it every wednesday :))))


	4. Tell Me, Who Are You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy sunday!!

Phil is in shock to say the least. He lies on his bed, face up, staring at the low ceiling and trying to make sense of the information he's just been told.

He isn't ordinary. He can do something, but he just hasn't figured it out yet. He feels like he'd did at three years old, fantasizing about what he may be able to do. Why, if he does have an ability, has it never manifested itself? Perhaps there hasn't ever been a situation where he could have used it.

His mind is lighting up with all the abilities that he, Phil Lester, may possess. Maybe he'll be a mind reader, or a shape shifter, or a telekinetic. But what, when he figures it out, will these strange people have him do with his power? They made it out to be something good, getting rid of bad people in society, but something about it seems sinister. They have a super villain as an employee, a villain who kills people. *Innocent* people. And he does it quite a lot as well.

Phil walks to his door and tries to open it, but it's locked again. He places his hand on it, trying to focus. Maybe, he thinks, he'll be able to open it. Half of him feels like a child, abuzz with possibilities. The other half tries desperately to try to be practical, but is mostly drowned out.

He can't open it, but seemingly as soon as he steps back, the door opens again and there stands Dan Howell.

He takes another step back, even more wary of the Lynx now that he knows that he has a role in whatever this thing is.

Dan takes a step forward, puts a finger to his lips and enters the room as silent as a ghost. Phil takes another step back, opening his mouth to ask why Dan is here, but Dan puts his hand over Phil's mouth and closes the door behind him.

As Phil scrambles to a corner of the room and prays that Dan isn't here to kill him, Dan picks up the duvet off the little bed and stuffs it under the door. After doing this, he looks up and does a half wave in Phil's general direction.

"Hello again, Lester."

Phil is absolutely silent, too confused and scared to speak.

"I heard they came in and debriefed you this morning."

Again, Phil doesn't reply, backing up even further into his corner.

"Phil, are you okay? Can you talk?"

Something in Dan seems genuinely concerned, as if Phil would somehow have lost his ability to speak overnight.

"U-uh... Dan, h-hi."

"Oh, you're alright. Good."

"W-what, what a-are you d-d-doing here?"

Dan cocks his head in concern. "Why are you over in the corner? I won't bite."

Silence again.

"Are you.... scared of me?"

Phil mutters something and looks down. Dan walks up to Phil, puts his hand on his shoulders.

"Hey, I'm the last person you want to be scared of around here."

Phil looks up and meets his eyes. His face is round and soft and his eyes are a sweet shade of brown. The hand on his shoulder is warm and he smells good. Something about Dan has a calming affect on Phil, a calming affect that shouldn't be there due to the fact that he's obviously a horrible person.

"Tell me the truth about this place, Dan. Because nobody seems to want to say anything to me."

Dan sighs, taking his hand off Phi's shoulders. "That's what I came in here for, Lester. I'm guessing they fed you 'the story' when they came to visit you today. So I thought I might pop and tell you the truth."

"I would appreciate it."

Dan takes a deep breath sits himself down on Phil's bed, and looks down at his shoes. There is silence in the room for a long time. Finally Dan looks up, and something about him has changed. His shoulders drop, his eyes look sad, his legs move closer together like he's trying to keep his own self warm. He looks like he did in all the pictures, lonely and less.

"Phil, I never tell anyone this story."

"What story?"

"Mine."

 

He takes a deep breath and starts talking.

"

There's a girl, called Emilee, just out of college. She's a duplicate, a common but amazing power in which you can make exact copies of objects. She has long brown hair and a pretty smile. One day, she meets a man called Harris. He's tall, a little skinny, he has a scruffy beard and big glasses. He's a healer, a kind soul. The two immediately hit it off, and after a year Emilee proposes to him. The wedding is beautiful, smiles and laughter everywhere.

A year later, Emilee has a child. He's a boy, with blond scruffy hair and big brown eyes. They call him Sandy. He talks early, his first word is "out". He walks early too, and on his second birthday he shoots out a beam of light and makes fireworks in the sky. A dynamo, what an incredible power. Emilee and Harris could not be prouder of their precious child.

Soon she's pregnant again, and the whole family is excited for a new addition. This new addition is born a month early, small and blue and almost beyond saving. His hair is mousy, shy brown, and his brown eyes seem to take up his whole face. He doesn't talk until he's two years old, and his first word is "night". Emilee and Harris wonder if he's developing quickly enough. He learns to walk too, with his five year old brother teaching him. Sandy goes to school too now, incredibly smart and with many friends. The second child they call Dan. They give him plenty of toys and tell him they love him plenty of times. Sometimes he gets left inside and plays with his toys by himself while his parents marvel at Sandy's power.

Dan is five years old today, and his powers are nowhere to be found. Emilee and Harris try to hide how worried they are. He starts school and has nothing to say when everyone shares what they can do.

He's just a ate bloomer, like he was with talking and walking. Except, he doesn't ever get a power.

Dan is ordinary.

Emilee and Harris don't know what to do. They don't even know how to talk to their son anymore, so they focus on their older son instead. He's about to graduate high school, with an A in every class. He's heading off to university where he's studying to be a scientist.

At his graduation, Emilee calls for a family portrait. Dan isn't in the picture, but she just lets it slide. It's hard to explain everything about Dan when strangers ask. She doesn't know what to say. She would rather focus on her incredible handsome Sandy, whom she is so so proud of.

That night, Dan does not get in the car to go home. He walks into the woods behind the facility, sits on a log, and screams. He hasn't screamed in years, hasn't cried since he was a kid. But he is now, done ignoring how incredible his brother and the rest of the world are compared to him. He hates them, he thinks. He hates them. They don't even love him, that's their job and they don't even love him. His brother barely ever talks to him. He is a disgrace, and they would rather focus on the son that's "going places". Places besides a log in the woods in the night.

He hates them hates them hates them.

And that's when it happens. His shadow gets up in from of him, moving without him. His eyes widen as he watches it, controls it. It runs away from him and then back, picking up rocks and sticks and throwing them in frustration, and Dan can do whatever he wants with it.

How ironic, that one child held all the power of light and one held all the power of darkness. It was a secret, Dan kept from Emilee and Harris, and he used it at first to fetch things for him around the house and open doors, like his personal servant. But slowly, he realized he could use it for other things. He messes with the people that call him names in school, crumpling up their homework or splashing them with water when they're washing their hands. He steals his brother's patch he got when he visited his university. Sandy tears the house apart looking for it, and part of Dan is elated when his parents scold him for losing something worth so much. Sandy isn't perfect, not when Dan is involved.

And it gets worse. As the family stopped talking to him, stopped even caring about him altogether, his powers get used for things darker and darker. He uses their own shadows to scratch them at night, give them paper cuts or get a bad spot. Little violent acts, but they built up. And they built up. And so did the tension, until the day that Sandy left for college.

He left in the early morning, his family not even bothering to wake Dan up to say goodbye. Dan sat on his roof in the afternoon, making his shadow do tricks in an attempt to entertain himself, and then he hears it. Emilee and Harris are stood on the patio behind him, talking.

"I'm so proud of him. My son, off to university to do great things."

"Who knew that we could raise somebody so amazing."

"If only it had worked twice..."

"Emilee, Dan isn't our fault. He's just troubled. It's best to forget about him."

 

And Dan, above their heads, freezes in shock.

 

"Makes me wonder what our life would be like if he wasn't always creeping around in the back of my head."

"Sometimes I wish we had only had Sandy. Is that bad, Harris?"

"No, no. Everyone knows there's something wrong with the kid."

"We have Sandy. He'll make us so proud. He's all we need."

"Yes, just think of that."

And they go inside, the door closing behind them and Dan's mouth hanging open above them. He had always had his suspicions that they didn't love him as much, but he never thought that they didn't want him... that they wished he wasn't here.

Something in him rises, that same hate from the day of graduation, and suddenly Dan Howell is on the way to find his brother. Shadows rise from trees and put out all the lights on the road, following Dan and all his darkness. And a paper cut isn't the worst he'll be doing tonight.

He watches through the window as his perfect brother sleeps, watches as his shadow rises and pushes on his chest. Sandy's breathing comes choppy now, and Dan can't believe what he's doing, and he wants to stop. He can't do this, not him, and he backs away but somehow he has lost control and all the shadows that were following him are swarming around his brother and hurting him, and Dan cries out and tries to stop them, but he isn't their leader, they are his. Sandy's eyes pop open wide, and they meet Dan's as he shudders and takes his last breath.

"STOP! STOP IT! STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!!"

Dan is howling and finally the shadows recede but it's too late. Dan runs away, his eyes wide, the shadows following him despite his cries of pain and begging for everything to go away. He keeps running, not going home, not ever ever ever going home again and what has he  _done,_ he's.. he's killed someone but not just anyone. 

He screams long and loud.

People start to talk about him, they connect the dots. He overhears conversations about him, about his power over darkness and the darkness it has caused. 

A man comes up to him one day and takes him away. He takes him... here.

"

 

Dan Howell's face is ridden with tears on Phil's bed. His story is over, and Phil is still trying to register what everything means. 

 

"So now you know, Phil. I don't control the shadows."

"The shadows control me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your comments and kudos, they really make me smile!!
> 
> if you want more from me, check out my other fic Extra Ordinary!
> 
> until next sunday :))


	5. Every Feeling, Every Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's early MEEEEE ur welcs

Phil's back is still pressed up against the wall in the corner. His mind is racing, trying to comprehend the story that he's just been told. He's connecting the dots, thinking back to the pictures, staring at Dan who is staring back at him with tears in his eyes. 

His story was unbelievable, but maybe that's what made it so real. 

Phil knows the feeling of being unwanted and forgotten. Hell, he knows the feeling of being ordinary. And he'd be lying if he said that sometimes he didn't about how much easier his life would be if James just...

But he would never do something like that.

He pulls himself off the wall, cautiously taking a step closer to Dan. Again, even though he shouldn't, he feels a connection to the killer in front of him. Their lives, though so very different, share the same core elements. 

Phil wonders how many people know what it's like to not be loved by anyone. 

He does. And he gets the feeling Dan does too.

Dan, who has stopped trying to act strong, who has curled his knees up to his chest and looked away from Phil.

Phil sits down, a safe distance away, trying to keep his voice soft and un-threatening.

'What do you do here, Dan?"

Dan squeezes his eyes shut, dropping his knees back down to the floor and breathing in for a few seconds.  
Then his eyes, pop back open, all traces of tears gone, his face hardened in resolve. 

"Stuff nobody should ever do."  
"Is it true that they make you kill those people?"

Dan loks bitter.

"I told you my story already. You know I can't control any of this."  
"So..."  
"So I go out to assassinate one person and... it gets away from me."  
"Why do they let you back out?"  
"Who knows, Phil? Because I get the job done? Because I cover everything up?"

He sighs, leaning back into the headboard. 

"I'm a toy. I don't know why, and don't get to choose."  
"That's not right."

Dan lets out a short laugh, but it's not happy."

"You think I don't fucking know that? You think I want to kill all those innocent people?"

He turns his head and stares at Phil, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well, I don't. I really, really don't. But I can't do anything about it."  
"Why?"  
"Because, I'm not worth _anything_ to them. If I don't do what I'm told, they'll do away with me and find someone who _is_ willing. 

"Oh."

Phil plays with the hem of his shirt and looks down. So all the mass killings, all the murders that were supposedly the work of crafty super villains... they were actually the work of the government. 

And... now that he was here... 

He would have to do it too.

"No... No, no, no..." He mutters, gripping his shirt until his knuckles are white. He squeezes his eyes shut, bites his lip to prevent himself from crying out. 

He blinks, forcing a stray tear to fall down his face. 

He feels a pressure on his back and looks across to Dan, who is moving closer to him across the bed. 

"It's okay," Dan says, quiet, in an attempt to comfort the crying boy next to him. He's sure he's not doing anything to help. He's never really seen anybody cry other than himself. 

Phil leans into Dan's arm on his back, letting out a cry and hanging his head down. 

Dan scoots closer to him, until their thighs touch. 

He feels Phil relax into him even more, feels him shuddering as he tries to hold off cries. 

Dan's eyes are wide as he stares at the places where his body is touching the other boy's. He's never been this close to anyone before, not that he can remember. It's hard for him to concentrate on making the other boy feel better when he feels like he's setting off a thousand electric fences, and his skin feels like its burning where it meets Phil's. 

It's warm in a strangely nice way. 

Phil is trying to block off all thoughts. So much has happened in such a short amount of time that he _can't_ be expected to function properly. All he wants to do is fade away and forget everything, and the closest he can get to that right now is sinking into the soft boy next to him.

Breathe, _breathe_. Phil chants it in his head as he tries to block out all thoughts.

Breathe, _breathe_. Dan chants it in his head as he convinces himself that it doesn't mean anything that Phil is nuzzling his way into him and whimpering. 

Phil smells good, like he's just taken a shower, and his hair is messy. He's asleep, Dan realizes, his chest moving slowly up and down and his eyes peacefully shut.

Dan cannot fall asleep. His mind is racing, Christ Phil is so warm and sleepy and his body is completely rested against Dan's and Dan doesn't hate it.

He should probably leave. It would be best if he could just forget about this. 

It's been a long time since Dan has felt warm. And he doesn't want to get used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter's kinda short and kinda shit i was trying to establish some sexual tension before I progress the plot further, but DONT WORRY I WILL 
> 
> and the sexual tension won't go away either so it's a win-win


	6. This Awful Energy

Phil wakes up unsure of what time it is. His mind works slowly, sluggishly, and information about the past 24 hours is unwelcome in his brain.

He gets out of his tiny bed, yawns sleepily, and blinks a couple times. Looking up, he sees his door hanging open, his duvet lying on the ground.

Oh. It comes back to him quickly. The two _government agents_ telling him that he did indeed have a power, and he would be expected to use it.

Use it to kill people. Phil squeezes his eyes shut, banishing the thought. 

And then there was Dan. 

Phil can't get the image of Dan sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at the ground with teary eyes and clenched fists, out of his head. And the story he told... Phil is struck once again by the pity he feels for the brown-haired boy.

For God's sake, Dan killed his own brother. Pity, Phil thinks to himself, is definitely not something he should be feeling. However, he can't help but justify the other boy's actions. Phil knows what it's like to feel forgotten and unimportant. And Dan wouldn't have done _it_ had he had absolute control of the situation. 

Phil opens his eyes and sighs as he remembers Dan's words. 

"I don't control the shadows, the shadows control me."

What a wonderful metaphor for life. 

Phil sits back down on his bed, eating the other memories wash over him. 

Dan was lying in this bed too. _With_ him. His arms were around Phil's waist and he let Phil cry into him.

A smile ghosts Phil's lips as he thinks about how soft and warm the moment was. 

He wonders where Dan has disappeared to. He probably left as soon as Phil drifted off. Dan, Phil muses, isn't used to the feeling of warmth. Not that Phil is either, but... well, it was not entirely unwelcome.

What _is_ unwelcome is the fact that Phil is now alone in a strange room in a strange facility, with abilities he doesn't know how to use, and a million thoughts hanging over his head. 

He walks towards the door, pulling it the rest of the way open and looking both ways before he steps out into the hall. He keeps his head down and moves quickly, not exactly sure where he is going. 

Looking at the ground has it's drawbacks, however, which Phil quickly realizes as he bumps into a woman and knocks all the papers she had in her hand onto the ground.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" He says, taking a step back and wincing at his clumsiness, then immediately gets down on the ground and starts picking up the scattered mess.

She gets down as well, assuring him that it's alright. 

Phil looks up. He is immediately struck by how scared she looks. She has long, brown hair and bright green eyes. She wears thick rimmed glasses and as soon as she meets Phil's eyes, she looks back down. 

"Thank you," she says, nodding her head and making her glasses slip down her nose a little.  
"No, that was my fault. Sorry again."  
"It's okay, I promise. Look, I'm new here, like, really new, and, uh, well, can you help me out a little bit?" She asks, looking a bit afraid.  
"Of course," Phil says with a confident smile, despite knowing nothing about the place.  
"Great. I'm looking for, uh, Phil Lester? Do you know where he is?"  
"Well, you're in luck. I'm Phil, nice to meet you."

Her eyes widen in surprise, then squint in a smile.

"Oh! Nice to meet you. I'm Ruby."  
"That's a nice name."  
"Thank you... So, uh, if you don't mind, I have to bring you to my boss?"  
"Sure, lead the way," Phil smiles again, trying to keep up his confident facade despite being terrified of what the boss wants with him.

He follows Ruby through the hallways, impressed by her apparent knowledge of how to navigate this labyrinth. Finally she stops and knocks on an inconspicuous metal door at the end of a hallway. She stands back as it opens almost immediately. 

An older looking woman with a tight gray and black bun steps out into the hall.

"Thank you, Ruby. That will be all."

Ruby nods, stuttering out a thank you back, and turns to leave. She smiles and mouths "good luck" at Phil before turning into another hallway and disappearing from sight.

Phil turns around and looks at the lady, who must be the boss. She stares at him with her eyebrows raised and her mouth in a tight grimace.

"Mr.Lester. Please, follow me."

Although her words sound polite, it is clear that Phil _will_ be following her or he'll be sorry.

So he does, hearing the door clang shut behind them. 

The boss leads him into a modern looking office, offering him a forced smile and beckoning for him to have a seat. 

"Hello, Mr. Lester. My name is Mrs.Parkinson, and from now on, I will be your boss."  
"Um. Okay."  
"You are, as you may imagine, quite a peculiar case. We have special, er, recruiters, that go around the country and choose people that they think would be fitting for this noble job, so it is rare that someone like you come in. Howell may have made a misjudgment in bringing you, but what's done is done, wouldn't you agree?"  
"...Yes."  
"I thought so. So, they tell me that you don't know your ability. Is that so?"  
"Yes, I didn't know I had one until... This morning, actually."  
"So I've heard... Well, as you understand, we need you at your full potential to... work... so, we'll need to figure out what that is. Do you have any ideas? Any abilities common in your family?"  
"Well, a bunch of people on my mum's side are telekinetics... But I would already know if I was one, right?"  
"Yes, you are correct. Anything else you can think of?"  
"No...."  
"Very well then. We will have to do some testing on you then, Mr. Lester. Won't that be exciting!"  
"Um..." Testing? What does she mean by _that_?  
"Yes, so it shall. I don't have time right now, so perhaps you should accompany me to the facilities."  
"What facilities?"  
"Why, the training facilities of course! Powers can always be made better. It will do you much good to remember this for later. Come now, I won't be late."

And with that, Mrs. Parkinson strides out of the room, leaving Phil to scramble up and stumble after her. 

She sets a brisk pace walking in the hall, and Phil is half walking, half jogging to catch up. Finally, after what seems like hundreds of turns and staircases, they reach two large double doors, which Mrs. Parkinson swings open with purpose.

The two enter, and Phil is immediately met by a scene that he doubts he will ever forget. 

Glass boxes make up a grid of cubicles, each one with a different person in it, each person seemingly doing a completely different thing. There is snow swirling here, a hurricane there, objects springing out of midair all around him. 

He follows the boss down the hall, occasionally getting caught up in a particularly interesting display, and finally they reach the end of the long hall. Less people practice here, in fact Phil can only see two people. One, hovering uncertainly off the ground, the other trying to create a flood but only creating a feeble leak of water form the ceiling. 

"New recruits," Mrs. Parkinson nods at him, explaining the lack of skill.

"Please, sit down. I'll need to visit a lot of ....employees.... today, and I simply cannot have you tagging along. Stay put, I beg you."

Phil nods, sitting down in the uncomfortable plastic chair and letting his mind wander as he absentmindedly stares at the girl trying desperately to grow her spark of electricity into a full beam. 

Mrs. Parkinson walks off briskly, and Phil sighs as he realizes that it will be a long afternoon of doing nothing. 

After ten minutes, Phil already wants to go. He feels himself nodding off despite having just took a nap only half an hour ago, and he's bored out of his mind. 

That's when he hears the yelling. It comes from behind him, from the other side of the big glass wall he's sat up against, but he can't see anything on the other side.

"No! No, I can't do it! I _won't_!"  
"You must, and you will." 

Phil recognizes the second voice as Mrs. Parkinson's. His interest peaked, he rises out of his chair and hunts around the wall for a way through it. Finally, at the end of the left side, he finds a little door which he quickly steps through. 

He's standing on a small landing, with a bird's eye view of the scene below him. He inches out onto a walkway, walking as quietly as he can to the middle and looking over the edge, hands gripping the railing.

The room is huge, maybe the length of a football field, and standing at one end is Mrs. Parkinson, a couple people in long white coats who he doesn't recognize, and a certain curly-haired Dan Howell. 

He looks mad, his hands are shaking, and he's backing away from the crowd of lab coats.

"You don't understand, I can't control it!" He's yelling, loud and defiant and a little bit crazy.

"Well, that's why we practice, Daniel." Mrs. Parkinson replies, cold and unflinching.

Dan continues to back away, his eyes wide and his hands up in-between them like he's trying to create a wall.

"It- it scares me. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to hurt anybody..."  
"You won't. We'll all be behind the wall, you know that."  
"Yeah, and I know that no matter what, I will never be able to keep it in check! It controls me, and not the other way around."

They must want Dan to try to control the shadows. No wonder Dan doesn't want to do it, Phil thinks, remembering the painful story Dan told him.

"Well, you'll have to learn how to control it then. I can't help you."  
"Yes you can! Just let me go, please!"  
"Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. We've been over this before. You are our most powerful weapon. You need to be there to get rid of all the evil in the world."  
"I just-"  
" _You_ , are fighting for the good of everybody by doing this. Don't you want to do whats right? Correct all the wrongs that you have done in the past?"

Phil can see the pain in Dan's eyes from all the way up on the ceiling's walkway. He can't imagine the memories that sentence must have triggered inside Dan's head.

"You have been given the chance to right your wrongs, Daniel, I advise you take it."

Dan's shoulders slump and his resolve breaks. 

"Fine. Just- No more than half an hour."  
"Of course not."

The scientists file out of the room, followed by Mrs.Parkinson, and Phil sees them take a seat on another side of the glass wall. 

Mrs.Parkinson nods, and Dan turns around so that his back faces her.

Phil can see his face screw up like he's fighting back tears, then he shakes his head, opens his eyes, and sighs, raising his arms. 

Immediately the room seems to get ten degrees colder, and everything seems both more alive and more dead at the same time. 

A darkness seems to fall, then slowly start to morph, all the shadows in the room congregating towards Dan like he is their Holy Grail. 

He looks like he's in pain, watching the shadows get closer and closer to him.

And then the show begins.

The shadows move together like snakes, winding their way around the room in patterns and crawling up the wall and exploding like fireworks then crashing back together again. They are alive, alive because Dan is breathing life into them, and Phil cannot imagine how draining it must be. 

They gather at Dan's feet, lifting him slightly into the air, and Phil realizes just how strong Dan's ability is. He is hovering, moving across the room on what loos like a particularly angry storm cloud, though the truth is much more sinister. 

The room is crackling with static and Dan is controlling the darkness, directing it into obsidian beams that shoot across the room, shattering objects and wrapping around them beautifully and cruelly. Phil is in awe of the show, and Dan doesn't stop. 

The darkness gets more and more overwhelming as Dan seems to pull shadows out of nowhere and use them to break and pillage and destroy every object besides himself in the room.

And soon it becomes clear that he can not last much longer without destroying himself. He's screaming in pain, the once fluid shadows moving out of line, looking less like a snake and more like a formidable cloud of darkness crawling through the room. 

Dan begins to lose control.

Fear takes him over, his eyes widening as he continues to scream in agony. The cloud breaks apart, the shadows turning into a dark, wet fog that consumes everything in the room, and again moves towards Dan, who looks terrified as he collapses to the ground and tries to scramble away from the shadows that he has lost.

They move towards him like a knife, and they are about to reach him, and he screams, his voice full of so much pain, barely keeping them at bay.

And suddenly, the darkness disappears as a light on the ceiling comes on with a fan. Dan slumps down, breathing hard, whining in pain as he shuts his eyes. The scientists and the boss file back into the room, talking amongst themselves. 

Mrs. Parkinson leans down and pulls Dan up.

"Good job, Daniel. you held for almost an hour."  
"You said it would only be half an hour! You _promised_!" Dan cries out, obviously angry but more in pain.

Mrs. Parkinson laughs, shaking her head.

"How do expect to get better if you set boundaries for yourself?"  
"How do you expect me to live if you ignore my boundaries?!"

Dan glares at the boss, his gaze cold and merciless, his eyes flickering with anger. 

"If you continue to act like this, Daniel, we will be forced to... put you away." Mrs. Parkinson glares right back.

Dan sneers, shaking his head and making his hair fall to one side. 

"Please. You need me just as much as I need you."

He turns around then, intent on having the last word, and Phil notices as he leaves the room a couple wisps of darkness follow him.

Mrs. Parkinson turns back to the crowd of lab coats behind her.

"What are you all looking at?! Prepare your reports. Go!"

She stalks out of the room a different way, anger written all over her features.

Phil walks back the way he came, back into the room full of glass cubicles, and sits back in his chair just as Mrs. Parkinson enters.

"Lester. You'll be escorted back to your room now. I'm not in the mood to test you today."

Phil gets up, afraid to speak in case he enrages the woman even more. 

He follows her out of the facilities and into the hall, where a short man in a lab coat waits. 

"Mr. Hill will take you back to your room. Please prepare yourself for testing tomorrow." And with that, Mrs. Parkinson turns on her heel and stalks off. 

Phil follows the man through the corridors, lost in thought about what he just witnessed. Dan had lost all control, the shadows that he had brought to life had turned on him. If they hadn't stopped it when they did... Dan could've died.

How awful, that Dan is forced to use this ability every day, when he obviously doesn't want it, when using it obviously brings back memories that he would rather forget.  
And they make him use it to murder people... _innocent_ people. 

Whatever this place is, it doesn't seem as good as they're making it out to be. 

The man leaves Phil at his room without a word.

He pushes open the door, sighing, when he sees that _two other people are in the room_.

Dan is bent over the pictures that Phil found on the first day, another boy that Phil vaguely recognizes standing next to him. Phil hovers in the entrance to his room, not wanting to disturb the conversation. 

"Dan, for the last time, it wasn't your fault..."  
"Wasn't it, though? If it had't been for me, Sandy would have graduated by now. He would've been so..."  
"You lost control. Could've happened to anyone."  
"But it happens to me *every* time I try to... you know."  
"It's not your fault they make you do it."  
"But shouldn't I be able to say no? Shouldn't I just tell them that I can't do this anymore?"  
"We both know you can't do that. We'll find a way out of here someday, Dan, I know we will, but... We just have to wait it out."  
"I know, Xavi... But I just feel like a murderer. I _am_ a murderer! I'm killing people that haven't done anything!"  
"Not by choice."  
"But I stay here... I do what they tell me."  
"Dan... you have nowhere else to go. Listen, we're going to fine, okay?"  
"I don't how how fine I am right now."

Phil moves forward a bit, making the wood creak and the two boys look up and see him.

"Oh. Uh, sorry. I don't mean to disturb you... I just.... Uh..." Phil stutters uncertainly. 

Instant images of wrapping himself up in the blue-eyed boys arms fly into Dan's mind.

He smiles sadly at the innocent boy. He feels so damn awful for bringing Phil here, for getting him stuck in the loop that Dan was still trying to escape.

"Hi, Phil."

The other boy standing by Dan smiles as well.

"Hi. I don't think we've met besides the day Howell brought you here. I'm Xavier, but everyone calls me Xavi. And by everyone I mean Dan."

Phil smiles back, shy and curious.

"Hello, I'm Phil. It's nice to meet you."

Xavi nods, turning back to Dan and giving him a look that Phil can't quite decipher.

"I should go. I'll see you later, Dan, and maybe you too, Phil."

He turns back to Dan one last time, mouthing "It'll be alright" at him before he brushes by Phil and leaves. 

Dan and Phil stare at each other, each lost in thought.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get in the way..." Phil says softly, tilting his head as he notices just how sad Dan looks. 

"You're fine, Phil, don't worry about it. Sorry we were in your room... I've just had a rough day."

"I know."

Dan's head snaps up and he looks Phil right in the eye.  
"What do you mean you know?"

"I was watching. When you were, um... With the shadows and stuff."

Dan stiffens, making a kind of pained noise.

"You could've gotten hurt! You shouldn't do that!"

Phil sits down on the bed, looking up at Dan, who has pressed his back against the dresser. 

"I'm sorry, Dan. That looked... awful. Are you alright?"

Dan sits down on the bed next to Phil, looking down at his feet.

"Not really. But I'm kind of used to it." He mutters, his voice almost a whisper.

Phil watches as Dan Howell, The Lynx, cold hearted and merciless villain, breaks down beside him. Tears start dripping out of his eyes and he clenches his fists and screws up his face in an attempt to stop them from falling.

Phil scoots closer, feeling an overwhelming urge to comfort the boy beside him, but as soon as his hand touches Dan's leg, the boy stiffens and recoils.  
Dan looks back at Phil, who is surprised and confused.

How can he explain that he doesn't want Phil to get too close because when Dan self-destructs one of these days he doesn't want to take the blue eyed boy with him?

He can't, not really.  
So instead he brushes his jacket off, grabs the old photos off the dresser, takes one look back at the sweet boy who is still sat on the bed, and just leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your comments and kudos as always <3 you guys are the best


	7. It's the Nature of the Experiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS! So, if you have been enjoying this fic and/or Friends Shouldn't Kiss Me Like You Do, GET HYPE because I'm writing a new one!! It's called Royal Blood and I'm super excited for it <333\. 
> 
> It's going to be released NEXT SATURDAY, and the updates will be on Saturday as well! Since FSKMLYD will be over on Wednesday, I decided I would write something else to take the place of it, but this one will have longer chapters and stuff.
> 
> SO YEAH I HOPE YOU GUYS LOVE IT I LOVE YOU

Phil stares up at Dan as he hurries out of the room, confused. 

All is silent for a while, and he gets up and closes his door, leaning against it as it shuts. 

It's been a long day, Phil thinks, and the easiest way to stop thinking is to just sleep. 

He dreams that he is back on the skywalk watching the brown-haired boy scream in pain and press his body up onto the wall, but this time he _does_ lose control, and the shadows congregate inside him as he shudders and shakes, and his eyes turn deep black and all is silent. 

Phil's eyes pop open in horror, and as quick as it came, the dream slips away from him. He is sweating, and he throws off the covers and pulls off his shirt. He leans against the wall, his eyes trying to adjust to the simple, silent darkness of the room. 

He gets out of the bed, making his way almost blindly to the door and stepping outside to check the time. Three in the morning. He sighs, leaning against the doorway and letting his thoughts catch up with him. He is afraid that he did something wrong, that he scared Dan away. He shouldn't have touched the boy, not when he was so obviously emotional... But hadn't Dan done that to him? He still clearly remembers the way that Dan's arm wrapped around him and how their bodies fit together. 

It's 3am. Phil should probably go back to sleep. But he doesn't. He just stands in the doorway, watching the clock tick, breathing and thinking and feeling his eyelashes get heavier and heavier.

 

"Mr. Lester. Mr.Lester?"

Phil's senses flood back in before his eyes can see. He's weirdly sore, his back hurts, and he's cold. 

Once his eyes do open, he realizes that he's asleep in his boxers in the doorway. He looks up, and immediately jumps when he sees the boss, Mrs.Parkinson, staring down at him with obvious disgust in her face.

He jumps up, coughing a couple times to clear the silence. 

"...Yes?"  
"It's seven o'clock. Why are you asleep out of your bed, Mr.Lester?"  
"I came out here to check the time... Must've just fallen asleep."  
"Well, please try to avoid such things in the future."  
"Yes ma'am."  
"And for heaven's sake, go put on a shirt!"

Phil rushes back into his room, throwing on the same shirt that he's been wearing the entire time he's been here, and walks back out into the hall, closing the door behind him. Mrs. Parkinson is already walking down the hallway, and he half jogs to catch up with her. 

"Where are we going?"  
"Training. It's time to figure out that hidden talent of yours."

Despite himself, Phil's stomach churns with excitement. After 17 long years of waiting maybe today will be the day he figures it out. 

But knowing his luck, maybe not. 

Soon, enough, they enter the same place with the glass cubicles, and Mrs. Parkinson leads him towards the back, into a bigger cubicle with clutter all over the floor and a couple angry looking men and women in white lab coats dotting the walls.

He tentatively steps inside, back hugging the wall and eyes bouncing around the room. 

Everything seems to happen in fast motion.

The scientists swarm around him, some tugging at his limbs, some inspecting his features, some with their hands in his hair. They all talk, call things out for others to write down. Phil shuts his eyes and tries to breathe normally. Finally, the swarm lifts, and they move to the other side of the room where they continue talking amongst themselves. 

After what seems like entries, the noise dies down and one scientist, a nice looking woman with blonde hair and a wide smile calls his name.

"Mr. Lester? We're ready for you."  
"If you, uh, don't mind my asking... What are we doing?"  
"Well, we hope to figure out your ability! And this chance is so rare for us, so we are all _very_ excited. Isn't that right, guys?"

A murmur of agreement runs through the crowd, and Phil can't help but feel uneasy. He feels like a rat in a lab... Something to be tested on instead of a fellow human. 

The blonde lady is obviously the leader. Before saying or doing anything all the scientists look to her for direction. Phil stands, back against the wall, watching them set up a menagerie of objects, most of which Phil does not know the function of. 

Suddenly and without warning, a scientist picks up a hose and turns on the water at full blast. It sprays him in the face, the force and coldness stinging him He puts up his hands to block the flow, crying out in pain and shivering. 

The scientists write on their clipboards.

He feels a burning on his legs and notices that another scientist is conducting a beam of pure heat right onto him, scalding him. He screams as his skin peels away. 

The scientists write on their clipboard.

And Phil tries to block out all sensation for the next couple hours. The pain in unreal, and he tries to keep a blank face and a blank mind and tries not to think about it. But how could they do this? Don't they hear his cries of shock and pain? Or are they just ignoring it?

Finally his legs give out, and he sinks onto the ground, involuntary tears streaming down his face as unwanted hands prowl across him. 

They write, and they write, and they write. 

Phil shuts his eyes and screams, at first in his head, and then not, and then he can't tell anymore. 

Then the pain abruptly stops, and the hands feel like they're gone. He can hear muffled screaming from above him. 

He opens his eyes, blinks, and watches as the hazy image comes into focus. 

Dan stands above him, yelling with all his might at the people in lab coats. It's bright, he thinks, too bright, and so he closes his eyes once again and focuses on the sounds, on the gasping and yelling.

"You can't do this! He's obviously in pain, and he wants you to _stop_!"  
"Mr.Howell, sir, you aren't meant to be here..."  
"Parkinson promised me he wouldn't be hurt! She said you wouldn't lay a hand on him!"  
"She never instructed us to-"  
"Well she damn well should have! Look what you've done!"  
"Mr.Howell, this is protocol..."  
"Listen here. Without me, this place has _nothing_. I could so easily expose all of you. You don't want to cross me."  
"Sir, we-"

And Phil moves his leg, pain shoots up his body, and everything is black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bye bye emotional croissants and I hope you have a wunnerful week :)
> 
> remember to check out the finale of friends shouldn't kiss me like you do on wednesday and the first chapter of royal blood on saturday! i love you guys and I'm so excited to share it with you xoxo


	8. The Air is Colder Up Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey lovely people hope you enjoy
> 
> also (#spoooon) please remember to check out Royal Blood which I just started yesterday!!

When Phil's eyes open, the first thing he notices is the room. It's barren, black and white, and yet it looks incredibly lived in. Little marks dot the white walls, small pictures sit framed on the dresser, the subject of which Phil can't make out. 

The second thing he notices is the smell. It smells like that time when he was little and his parents took him and James camping, except instead of undertones of dirt there are undertones of honey. The smell comes from all around, but mostly the bed that he is lying on with a sheet haphazardly thrown over him. He turns his head and inhales deeply, the scent swirling around in his head. 

As he turns his head, he notices the third thing. His leg, still throbbing with pain, is loosely wrapped in bandages. He doesn't dare move it. He remembers how awful the pain was last time.

Finally he notices the other figure pacing around the room, looking down and muttering to himself. Dan's hair is curly and messy, and he looks like he hasn't slept in a very long time. Oh. So this room must be Dan's. 

"D-Dan?" Phil whispers, unsure of how his voice will sound as it comes out of his mouth.

Dan's head snaps up and he takes a couple steps back. 

"Oh, you're awake. Are you-- uh, okay?"  
"Um... Not really, no..." Phil manages a half smile.

Dan looks at the ground again and scratches his scalp just to do something with his hands. 

"I mean, like, emotionally? They were, uh, kind of rough..." As Dan speaks his eyes lower to Phil's leg, then come back up to meet his eyes. 

"Yeah, not really that good at all," Phil offers, shutting his eyes for a couple seconds.

Phil watches Dan as he resumes pacing, wringing his hands together, muttering a couple indecipherable phrases to himself. Suddenly, he stops, turning and staring right at Phil. He looks confused and unsure, and Phil tries his best to look unassuming.

"Phil, I know you feel badly... But I don't know what to do..." Dan looks down, not wanting to meet Phil's eyes. 

Phil smiles to himself.  
"Dan," he says softly, "will you look at me?"

Dan does, his face unreadable, but a small, shy, smile tugs at his lips. 

"It would be nice to have a hug..." Phil says, letting his arms fall to the side and raising an eyebrow at the boy dressed in black. Dan's eyes widen and his mouth opens a bit, falling into a tiny "o" shape. He's frozen, like his mind is still registering what Phil said. 

Phil smiles again, trying his best to put the other boy at ease. 

"Dan. Will you please give me a hug?"

Dan snaps into action, a smile involuntarily jumping onto his face as he walks over to where Phil is lying on the bed.

"Yes, yeah, of course."

And his arms are slowly wrapped over Phil, and Phil breathes in so so deeply, trying his best to drown in the scent of tall trees and a spice cabinet. And his arms are around Dan now, pulling the boy up onto the bed by his lower back.

Dan scoots closer, shy with shallow breaths. 

"Watch the leg," Phil whispers, and Dan nods into him.  
"Okay."

It's just like that first night, except in high definition, with Dan's smell falling across him, his hair tickling the bottom of Phil's jaw, his breaths warm against Phil's chest and his heart beat shaking his whole body. 

Phil closes his eyes and lets himself fall asleep in the warmth. 

Dan, on the other hand, couldn't sleep if he wanted to. And he didn't want to, not when he could be memorizing this moment to keep forever. He felt safe and warm and completely at ease for what must have been the first time in years-- ever. Phil's arms around his back were continuously setting off fireworks in his brain, and he kept nuzzling himself closer to the black haired boy, trying to get as close as he could. He lets his eyes rest on Phil's sleeping face.

He tries not to remember what Mrs. Parkinson yelled to him as he carried Phil out of the facilities. For now, he can keep Phil as safe as he feels. And for later... He can try. 

After a while, Dan yawns and shuts his eyes and rests his head on Phil's chest and feels his hands on Phil's back. His pinkie finger is touching bare skin and Dan feels like there is a beam of light exploding throughout his whole body because of it. He sighs, nuzzling his head into Phil's shirt.

xxxxxx

Xavi makes his way through the halls to Dan's room. He goes virtually unnoticed, and silently thanks whoever's in charge of how the world works for letting him go through without incident. Dan's had a rough week, a _really_ rough week compared to how bad his weeks usually are. And this Phil character... Dan obviously feels responsible for bringing him here. 

Xavi feels bad for the guy and whatever, but he's messing up the plans that he and Dan have had for years now. Plans of escape and exposing the organization and blending themselves back into society until they could finally just _be_. 

He reaches the door of Dan's room, not even bothering to knock as he knows that Dan will most likely be awake and awaiting his arrival despite the incredibly early timing of it. He soundlessly swings the grand door open, expecting Dan to rise from his bed and come meet him, but instead he sees something that takes him a couple seconds to decipher. 

Dan is obviously in his bed, he can see his brown hair and part of his face sticking up from the sheets. But he's leaning into something--no, some _one_ else. 

Holy shit. It's _Phil_?! 

Well, thinks Xavi, this changes quite a lot. Without making so much as a floorboard creak, he turns and leaves the room, making a beeline for another one on the other side of the hall. 

xxxxxx

Dan is still here, Phil thinks as he opens his eyes, and for some reason the thought makes him grin. More than that, Dan's hands are gripping the back of Phil's shirt in little fists. Phil smiles at the boy in his arms, wondering how it ever got to be this way. 

He tries to roll over, but accidentally moves his leg, letting out a cry of pain, and quickly biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut. Dan shifts in his sleep, his eyes half open, then sees Phil and just smiles and shuts his eyes again. 

Something about it fills Phil up, makes him want to pull the boy closer and just stay that way for a long, long, long time. 

Except fate is obviously against them, because at that exact moment the doors to Dan's room are thrown open and in steps the boss herself, Mrs. Parkinson.

Phil jumps back from Dan, who lets out a whine and tries to scoot closer to Phil.  
"Dan!" Phil hisses, prompting the other boy to open his eyes and see her as well. 

"Good morning Daniel. And good morning to you too, Philip. I'll call the person that was supposed to wake you up back here."

"We weren't- I mean- Uh..." Dan gets out of the bed, striding to the top of it and blocking Mrs.Parkinson's view of Phil. 

"Oh, Daniel. You know I won't get in the middle of anything... Just remember what I told you, hmm?"

Dan swallows, looking down in the same confused and scared manner as he was the night before.  
"Please... Just... What did you come here for?" Dan asks, his voice sounding strangely weak and empty. 

"To collect you, of course. It's been a while since you've had a job."  
"It's only been a week, Mrs. Parkinson... I don't--"  
"Well, you've surely improved since then, hmm? I say you just give it a shot."

Dan looks down for a long time, and even Phil can tell when he looks up that he's trying to cut his own brain off from thinking as he replies.

"Who is it." He asks, no emotion in his voice.

Mrs. Parkinson smiles, a predatory looking thing. 

"You know what, Dan? I'll give you a location, and let's see if you can get the subject."  
"But... How will I know who to--"  
"You won't."  
"But that means that I'll be killing innocent people!"  
"You _will_. For the last time, Mr. Howell, useless citizens mean nothing to me. Good practice, wouldn't you say?"  
"No, I would not say."  
"Well, I would. And I'm your boss, Daniel. Now go."

Dan takes one look back at the messy haired boy still lying in the bed, then turns and leaves the room, an air of darkness following him. As soon as Dan turns the corner, Mrs.Parkinson turns to the boy on the bed. 

"Philip?"  
"Y-yes?"  
"Don't get attached to him. Daniel's... unpredictable. He's a wild card, and you can't keep him safe. Someday he'll self-destruct, and until then he'll just destroy other things."  
"Because you _make_ him," Phil says, eyes narrowing.  
"Defend him all you like, Mr. Lester. You'll go down with his ship. And I won't help you."

She takes a step closer, until she's standing over Phil with a menacing look in her eyes. 

"Don't cross me, Philip. Or you may end up like your shadowy friend."

And with that, she leaves the room, following the same path Dan took as he left. Phil shivers, although it's not cold. He lies back down, rolling over so that he doesn't have to see the place where Dan is not. He tries to ignore the pain in his leg and his growing worry for the other boy.

xxxxxx

John and Maryann Lester sit with their son James around their dining room table.

"So," James starts, "You have no idea where he is?"  
"Well, you know Philip never felt at home here. He's probably just... Finding his way."  
"And you haven't looked for him?"  
"Don't you think this is better for all of us, James?"

Silence falls over the table for a couple seconds.

"Maybe," James replies, "And maybe not."

"I don't know how to talk to him sometimes... What to say... But I hope he knows that he's welcome here." Maryann sighs.

The Lester's nod to each other, agreeing although they aren't sure that they do agree.

John turns on the TV, and immediately a news reporter fills the screen.

"Breaking news from city central," he begins, "As yet another attack has just begun on the West Side."

"No," John gasps, "But it's only been a week since the last... This can't be."

And yet as the camera crew zooms in on the scene, it is clear that it is indeed happening. On the top of a skyscraper stands the notorious Lynx, an aura of darkness fogging his features. He directs his hands like a snake, and the Lesters watch as the shadows respond, following his motions with deadly accuracy, and the camera doesn't have to pan down for them to realize just what is happening. Screams fill the air, and James shields his eyes and looks away.

One camera zooms in as far as it can on the Lynx, and for the first time his features are apparent. Wisps of brown hair plastered to his forehead, tanned skin, a couple spread out freckles dotting his face. He opens his eyes and sweat drips down his forehead in concentration.

"John, do you see this too?"

James looks up at his mothers voice, and sees what they are talking about. The Lynx is crying, tears dripping down his face along with the sweat, and he keeps mouthing something over and over again as if he can tell that a camera is focused on him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Suddenly he screams, horror and sadness and fear and power all mixed into one cry. And then he dives, off the rooftop and lets his menagerie of shadows catch him, shield him, carry him away so swiftly that even the cameras can't tell where he's gone. 

John turns off the television, but all three just stare at the blank screen in silence.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... what could that mean?

How could a villain be sorry for doing what he does?

 

And Phil, still lying in Dan's bed trying not to think about anything, can't help but be scared for the boy that he barely knows and yet knows so well.

Phil's seen him almost self destruct. What happens if he loses control?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bye homies 
> 
> Other Fics:  
> Friends Shouldn't Kiss Me Like You Do: finished (whaaaat)!!  
> Royal Blood ( i just started this yesterday + I'm so excited aaah )


	9. The Truth is No Concern of Ours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you say anything ITS STILL SUNDAY

Dan barely makes it back to the airship. His heartbeat pounds in his head, every pulse sending a stab of pain through him. Tears prick at his eyes, though he won't let them show, and his body is trembling. 

As soon as he steps inside, the medics swarm around him, pouring liquids down his throat and sticking needles into his arm. Although he can't see them, Dan has an uneasy feeling that the shadows have stuck around, that they are hiding and that they will continue to follow him. 

Suddenly he begins to feel drowsy. The sleeping serum must have kicked in, Dan thinks, as the government won't even allow their top employees to know where the facility is. Which is probably because most of their "employees" would jump at the chance to expose everything. Dan ached for it with every fiber of his being.

When Dan was first brought to the institute, he was only 14 years old, the youngest person there by far. He was lonely, so incredibly lonely, and all he wanted was someone to talk to. The darkness inside him multiplied with every second. 

Back then, he was so unpredictable that he lived in a solitary confinement. Everything that they made him do... it was so demeaning. He didn't feel like a human anymore, he felt like a doll. They broke him. They broke him so badly that they couldn't even use him anymore. 

Then came Xavi and Cate. The two came when Dan was 16, and they didn't know how old they were. Xavi was an underperforming aquarian, and Cate was a normal level flyte. Dan still can't figure out why the bosses brought the two in, as they were not very good at what they did. They stuck them both in the room closest to Dan's, which was no longer a cell at this point, but still heavily guarded. 

Cate was unusually talkative, especially as the person she was talking to had a _literal_ darkness around him. The three slowly bonded over their hatred for lessons, and as Dan began to trust them more and to be trusted more by the bosses, he told them his story. The three had been close ever since. They all shared the same deep hatred for the institute that had stolen their childhoods, their innocence, their identity. 

It was a bit over a year ago when Xavi had first suggested that they try to get out. The plan had escalated to become a grand scheme of not only escape, but exposure. The three were hell bent on ruining these people's lives just as they had ruined theirs. 

They had everything in place, too, and all they needed was a bit more control. Dan was sent out to do the jobs the most frequently, so it would have to be him... Except Dan didn't _have_ control. 

And if he tried to do it without control? Everything, _everything_ , would be ruined. So he had to take the sleep serum, had to keep killing innocent people for these sadists, and hope that one day he could do it.

The only problem was Phil. Dan felt a strange attraction to the boy, and a not so strange guilt. After all, he had brought the boy here, condemned him to the exact fate that he so despised. He considered bringing Phil into the plan, but he knows that all new people are under watch for a couple weeks by the higher-ups. 

Besides, he has no idea what Phil's ability is. For all he knows, it could be something that would ruin the plan. Except that may be an excuse because honestly Dan can not imagine any power being plan-ruining.

xxxxxxxx

The scientists mill around the airship, business as usual. They had already sedated Howell, and now just had to make sure he stayed in this unconscious state until they got back to the institute. They refilled syringes and took notes. All business as usual. 

Except, for one scientist, it was her first time on the airship. She noticed as soon as Howell reboarded how unhealthy he looked. As a healer by ability, she could sense his obvious distress like she was feeling it herself. 

She watched him, lying there, twitching, his face screwed up in concern, sweating and sometimes crying out in pain. 

"Nothing you can do, nothing you can do," she chanted to herself. She hadn't been here long, but she had already seen some things that were definitely not in her job description. On the first day, another scientist had warned her that she would see some odd things. But if you try to help anyone... It will only hurt them more, and hurt you most. 

Besides, the pay was incredible, and her sister, whose husband had left her, was about to have a baby. She needed to keep her family afloat, and if ignoring a sweaty boy was going to do that... She would have to ignore him.

Even if she could feel how erratic his heartbeat was.

Hopefully he has someone to keep him safe.

xxxxxxxx

Dan wakes up where he always does after a job. The solitary confine. They predict how angry and sad and broken Dan is after he realizes that he's done it again. He usually spends about 9 hours screaming and trying to get rid of the remains of the shadows of his victims that follow him around. After he stops screaming, they let him out.

Today, although he can feel that the shadows are still in the room, Dan doesn't want to scream. He doesn't want to pound the wall until his fists are bloody and his voice is gone. 

He just feels numb. He closes his eyes, and lets everything wash over him.

They made him kill probably hundreds of people so that they could go on portraying him as a super villain. They only wanted to kill one person. And they made him kill _hundreds_ of people so that could go on doing it. 

Dan feels so guilty, even though he knows that it's not really his fault. He shuts his eyes and tries to get his mind off it. 

Dan is one of those people who can lose himself quickly in his own imagination. If he closes his eyes long enough, he can trick himself into believing that he'll wake up somewhere else. But today, he can't get his mind off this place.

So he just thinks about how sometimes, this place isn't so bad. 

Sometimes, when he's had a hard day, he can slip into bed without thinking about how alone he is.  
Sometimes Xavi and Cate sneak into his room at midnight and they eat leftover food and tell stories about things that they hear about when they're out doing jobs. They tell jokes, and laugh, and Dan can pretend that he's a regular kid who's ability is something easy and good natured, like talking to animals.  
Sometimes he gets to sleep in late and sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and he can hear the rain on the roof and it rocks him back to sleep.  
Sometimes, he sits on the roof for hours, staring at the complete darkness that fill the sky, and wondering what's out there.

It's the little things that keep Dan going. 

Little things with blue eyes and black hair and soft voices seem to do the trick. 

 

 

Phil, finally, gets out of Dan's bed. According to the clock on Dan's dresser, it's 7 pm. He's spent the whole day in and out of sleep, waiting for Dan to return so that he could make sure he was okay. 

But it seems as though Dan will not be returning tonight. 

Phil walks out into the hall, his thin shirt clinging to his skin, his hair flopping across his forehead haphazardly. 

He has no idea where he is. So he begins to wander through the S-shaped halls, his footsteps soft and slow, until he recognizes a hall from one of his first days here. He slips through the door at the end, and climbs the long flight of stairs. He pushes open the door, and again he is standing on the rooftop.

A bit of hope drifts out of him when he sees that Dan isn't here too. He makes his way to the edge of the roof, lies down so that his arm is almost hanging off. He stares up at the totally blank sky.

The worst thing about being here is that somehow, they blocked the moon and stars. Phil used to spend his time staring up at them on long walks past dark. He feels so far removed from that life now, although it's really only been a week. 

It's cold up here, he thinks, and wraps his arms around his chest as he sits up. He starts walking towards the door, but before he can reach it, it swings open and reveals two figures, locked in conversation. 

They immediately freeze when they see him. 

Phil recognizes one of them, the tanned, green-eyed boy called Xavi. The girl standing next to him, with curly hair and deep brown skin, he does not. 

"Um..." Phil starts, but is quickly interrupted.  
"Phil? How do you know about the roof?" Xavi asks, a look of confusion on his face.  
"I-I, uh- I found it one night when I was wandering."  
"Give him a break, Xavi," says the girl, rolling her eyes and sticking out her hand.  
"Hi, you must be Phil. I'm Cate."  
"Hi... It's nice to meet you."

The three stand, staring at each other for a couple uncomfortable seconds before Phil cuts in.

"Do you know where Dan is?'  
"'Course. He's always in solitary for at least a good 24 hours after a job."  
"Why?"  
"Because... Dan can't always control his emotions. And usually he's pretty emotional after killing loads of innocent people," Xavi says, shaking his head in anger.

Phil's eyes widen.

"Did you not... know...?" He asks, seeing Phil's surprise.  
"I thought so.. But I wasn't sure." Phil replies, staring down at his ragged shoes. 

Silence again.

"I'm worried about him," Phil almost whispers, his eyes saying on the ground.  
"About Dan?" Cate asks.  
"Yeah. He seemed like he was in a bad place when he left. I mean-"  
"Dan's always in a bad place, Phil. Everyone here is. Dan just gets lost in his feelings." Xavi nods.  
Cate speaks next, quietly. "Quite rightly so. Dan has been through it all, huh?"

Phil looks up, nodding.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

Phil nods again.

"You can go and see Dan. But you can't make noise, and you can't touch the door."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I'm saying, you can see him, but not much else."  
"I don't think..."  
"Solitary's down the staircase at the end of the back hall. Dan will probably in the max-security cell."  
"Okay?"  
"Maybe Dan will calm down if he sees you," Xavi says, a smile growing on his face, "After all, he was pretty tightly wrapped up in you last night."

Phil coughs and stutters, but Xavi and Cate just laugh.

"Might be good for him, keep it up!" shouts Cate as the two pass by Phil and onto the roof.

Phil feels his entire face going red, and a ghost of a smile appears as he relives the memory for a split second before pushing the door open and beginning to walk down the stairs. 

He turns into the back hall, or what he presumes it to be since it's behind the stairs, and walks down to the door at the end of it. Opening it a crack and looking down the dark hallway, he doesn't see anyone. Maybe Xavi and Cate were wrong, and you didn't need a back way to get in. Phil opens the door, taking a step out into the hall. Something is dropping down from the ceiling into a puddle, and Phil steps around it as he begins walking.

There are what look to be cells lining the wall, each with a single slot of a window. Phil peers through them, trying to get a clear picture, but most are empty, and the ones that aren't have people in them that Phil doesn't recognize. Even if he _did_ recognize someone, he wouldn't be able to go about getting them out. This place is so secure that it probably didn't even need security, Phil thinks to himself as he keeps walking , occasionally stepping around puddles of mysterious liquids on the ground. 

Finally, he reaches the end of the hall, and checks the last cell. There he is, his brown hair poking up from the covers he had pulled over him. This room seems darker than the previous ones. Phil looks around, trying to find a lock that he could try to break, or anything he could do to get the cell open, but he sees nothing.

Looking back through the window, he places his hand on the cell. Suddenly, bright lights turn on in the hall, and a single siren blares out, just as if this was a prison break movie. Phil backs up, like a deer caught in the headlights, and as soon as he takes a single step back, two burly men explode into the hall, yelling into some strange device. Phil instinctively covers his face and starts running down the hall, splashing through the wet floor. 

His luck has never been good, but as Phil turns around for a split second, he realizes that this chase will not go on for long. The men are sonics, and although they aren't moving as quickly as their ability can take them, they are certainly moving quicker than Phil's ordinary legs. 

Phil keeps running though, concentrating on getting as far away from Dan as he can so as not to get him in trouble as well. Faster, faster, faster, he thinks, his voice pounding in his head along with his heart. Except he can't go faster, no ordinary person can outrun these men, and Phi can hear them get closer.

His mind is racing, and adrenaline spikes through his body. And by some miracle, the men behind him slow down. They stop running at super speed, instead jogging at a normal pace, probably because they don't want to run into the door, and Phil darts outside as quickly as he can. 

He presses his back up against the wall as the door explodes and the men run through, still at a slightly normal pace. 

"I don't know, we must be tired, alright? It's been a long night."  
"But this hasn't happened to me since I was six!"  
"Well, shit happens, Coby. We better find that little fucker, and quick."

They run off again, this time at their usual incredibly fast place. 

Phil breathes out, resting his head against the wall and trying to will his heartbeat to calm.

He had better go back to his room, or at least try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! I had a lot of fun writing more Dan. 
> 
> more from me:  
> Royal Blood (just started)  
> Friends Shouldn't Kiss Me Like You Do (just finished)
> 
> love from me! see you next sunday <33


	10. Plans, Good and Evil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize in advance because i hate this chapter and I don't know how to make it better
> 
> but i just had to set some things up and from now on the plot will scurry along!!
> 
> hope you guys are enjoying spooky week as much as I am :))!

Dan is still shivering when they open his cell door and begin checking his vitals so that they can let him out.

He has never done two jobs so close together, and he can't shake the feeling that the shadows are still following around, even though he knows that they can't be. 

The scientists check things off their list, murmuring things to each other.

Finally, someone tells him that he's free to go, opening up the door at the end of the wall and gesturing towards his room. Funny, he'd rather not go there. Instead, he makes a couple right turns and knocks on the door of Xavi's room.

Cate opens the door, smiling at him and giving him a hug. 

"I'm so sorry, Dan," she says instead of hello.

Dan just nods, walking into the room and sitting down on the bed.

"Dan." Xavi says, turning around to face him.

Cate sits down too, and Dan can tell that they're both anxious to see if he got any new information, if he gained any control that would help their plan along. But they let him close his eyes and breathe for a little while first. He leans back against the cold wall, shaking some hair out of his eyes.

"I'm sorry guys, I couldn't do it."

He tentatively opens his eyes after talking, and sees his friends exchange a knowing glance before looking back at him with kind eyes and sweet smiles. 

"S'alright Dan. We've been here years, there's no rush."  
"There _is_ a rush... I want to get out of here so badly. And I know you do too," he sighs, pulling his back off the wall, "And I feel bad about the whole Phil thing, you know? Like, I didn't _have_ to bring him here. And I did, and now he's stuck here until I get my shit together."  
"Cut the shit, we all know you brought him because you liked him," Cate laughs, then, smile fading, "But yeah, maybe that wasn't good for him."

The friends grow silent, and then, by some unspoken agreement, all press their sides against each other, letting themselves try to forget how royally fucked up everything is and will be for the foreseeable future. 

"Speaking of Phil... Did you see him?" Xavi asks, after a while.  
"No," Dan answers, surprise in his voice, "How would I have?"  
"He came to see you in solitary last night... We thought you might have seen him..." Cate has an edge to her voice as she moves away from Dan's side. 

"What's wrong?"  
"Um... It's just... We haven't seen him since last night, and... We heard some people saying that he hadn't been seen by anyone at all."  
"Yeah, like Cate said... Except we thought that you might know, since you two have a thing or whatever."

Dan wastes no time trying to deny anything, instead rising off of Xavi's bed and rushing out of the room, throwing quick words over his shoulder.

 

 

Phil could not find his room. He was already on edge from the men chasing him, and from seeing Dan, surrounded by darkness, in a cell. He tried to find places that he knew, where he could get his bearings, but he recognized nothing. 

He moved his feet slowly, peering in the doors and trying to find a place where he can go. 

Finally, he opened a door and recognized the training facilities. 

Not ideal sleeping arrangements by any means, but at least someone would find him here in the morning and show him how to get back. He hoped. 

He slipped inside. The lights, sensing movement, flicked on. He ran his hand across the glass walls, finally finding a cubicle with a grassy floor towards the back. He lay down, uncomfortable, and closed his eyes to sleep. 

 

Dan flies thorough the halls in a rage. He glares at every scientist he sees, watching with mixed guilt and pleasure as they scurry out of his way, looking startled and confused. He throws open the doors of Mrs. Parkinson's office, not bothering to have a word with the secretary, and storms to the back room, where the boss herself stands, back to him. 

"Mrs.Parkinson," he spits. 

She turns around, raising her eyebrows when she sees who is speaking to her.

"Daniel. I must commend you on a job well done yesterday."  
"Where is he."

"Where is... who?"  
"Phil. Where _is_ he? What did you do?!"  
"I assure you, if anything happened to the boy it wasn't my doing!"  
"But you told me that-"  
"I know what I said, Daniel. But you did such a good job, why would I harm your little plaything?"  
"He's not my-"  
"No matter, Daniel."  
"He's missing! Where the hell is he?!"  
"We're working to find him. He is somewhere in the building, of that we are sure."  
"Find him faster! Or-"  
"Or _what_? You know as well as I do exactly why you won't do anything."  
"I... Just... Find him."

 

When Phil wakes up, he can already feel the pain shooting up his back and neck from the uncomfortable floor. He sits up, leaning against the glass wall of the cubicle. He can hear people entering the facilities. He gets up, standing unsuspectingly behind a tree at the back. 

A young girl with shock red hair and a sad smile gets into the glass cube across from him, and, watched closely by a trainer, picks up a glass bottle and opens her mouth. The walls are soundproof, but the glass bottle shatters, so Phil guesses she must be a roar. 

The girl gets tired quickly, and the bottles get bigger. Her screams, though Phil can't hear them, seem to be getting quieter and quieter. 

The trainer is cross, and the girl is getting desperate as she picks up the biggest bottle in the room.

"Come on," Phil thinks, "you can do it".

She opens her mouth and screams, but softly, too softly, and the glass doesn't even crack.  
The trainer shakes her head, scribbling on a clipboard. 

The girl opens her mouth to try again, and Phil watches intently.

She opens her mouth... and lets out an incredible scream, that dwarves even her first one. The bottle cracks completely in half. 

Her trainer applauds, and she smiles in surprise, setting down the remains of the glass.  
Phil smiles too, walking forward a bit to get a better look.

Which is the exact moment the trainer turns around. 

They make eye contact for a second, and then she's walking across the gap, opening the door to Phil's glass cube.

"Are you the missing Lester boy?"  
"Y-yeah. I got lost."  
"And you've been here this whole time?"  
"Yes."

The trainer's eyes flick from Phil to the redhead, then back again. 

"Let me escort you back to your room."

The two walk through the halls, Phil trying his best to memorize every step in case he gets lost again. 

They round a corner, and just as the hall comes into view, Dan storms into it from the other end. 

His eyes widen when he sees Phil, striding up to him and grabbing his arm before turning to the trainer beside him.

"What are you doing with him?!"  
"I found him in the facilities, and I was just escorting him to his room..."  
"His room isn't this way, you liar! What were you doing with him!"  
"N-nothing, Mr. Howell."  
"Damn right, it was nothing. Run on, I'll take him back myself."  
"I have specific instructions to not let you anywhere near--"  
"Fuck your instructions then. Go on to your boss and cry to her."

And with that, Dan puts his hand on Phil's lower back, leading him down the hall.

"Dan?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Are you okay?"  
"Nope."  
"Did you- I mean, did you do it?"  
"Do what?"  
"Um... kill them?"

Dan stops short in the hall, turning to Phil with tears pooling in his eyes. 

"What else could I have done?"  
"I mean, you're so powerful and all... Couldn't you just... override them?"  
"I don't have control, Phil. They do."

Tears start escaping from Dan's eyes as he opens the door to Phil's room.

They both go inside, Phil sitting on the bed and Dan sitting next to him.

"I'm so sorry." Dan says, pressing his side into Phil.  
"For what?"

"I brought you here, didn't I?"  
"It's okay, Dan," Phil whispers, running his hand through the other boy's hair, "I didn't leave much behind."

"But here-- everything's so awful..."

Phil laughs, a sad sound with almost no happiness behind it. He snakes his arm around the other boy's lower back, pulling him closer and resting their foreheads together. Dan's eyes are flicking all over the place, large and startled looking. 

"Not everything, Dan."

And he moves his face to the side, brushing a kiss against Dan's cheek. As he pulls away slightly, he can clearly see the blush spreading across Dan's face. His pupils are dilated and the shyest smile Phil has ever seen graces his face.

He takes part of Phil's shirt in his fist, closing his eyes and leaning his head into the other boy's neck. 

 

Dan, surrounded by darkness, who yells at people in lab coats in the hall, who kills hundreds of people with their shadows, who is surrounded by a literal darkness, feels light and glowing as Phil wraps his arms around Dan's back and tangles his hands in his hair. 

Dan can feel himself start to cry, out of sadness or happiness he can't tell.

A mix of both, perhaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I KNOW THAT WAS ACTUAL SHIT
> 
> I'm posting a weird halloween oneshot tomorrow so keep your eyes outttt!
> 
> also I'm curious to see what your predictions about all this shit are (i keep dropping Phil's power hints but they probably won't make sense until i hit you with the reveal)
> 
> as always, much love <3 have a good week!!


	11. Soaring, Is This Allowed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so I know this is a day early but I'm going out of town in like an hour so I just wanted to get it to ya! 
> 
> probably no royal blood this week, though!

As Dan and Phil press into each other, exchanging tears and promises and body heat, a scientist turns down a hallway and goes through a grand door at the end.

 

She’s a bit afraid. She was supposed to bring the Lester kid here, and she had allowed him to be taken by the Howell boy. But what was she supposed to do? His eyes were dark and his hands were already clutching at Lester’s arms. If she had said no to him… she shuddered to think about what he would have done.

 

But, though she doesn’t have the kid with her, she has information that she’s sure will make up for it. After all, all the higher-ups are in a frenzy about discovering Phil’s ability, and she’s pretty damn sure she knows exactly what it is. 

 

She waves an awkward hello to the secretary, and is let by as soon as the words “found” and “Lester” escape her mouth. 

 

Mrs. Parkinson is standing at the back of the room, her hands clasped in front of her, her face a mask of no emotion. She nods, gesturing for the scientist to sit, though she makes no moves to herself.

 

“Um, good morning, ma’am, how are-”  
“Good morning to you too. Now that we’re through with greeting, please divulge your information at once.”  
“Um… It’s about Lester.”  
“I know that. What is it about him?”  
“Well, I found him this morning in the facilities while I was working with Amele Edwards.”  
“The roar?”  
“Yes.”  
“And why was he in the facilities?”  
“I- I didn’t think to ask, ma’am…”  
“An obvious oversight. But I can ignore it. Where is he now? I thought I gave instructions to bring him immediately to me?”  
“You, er, did, ma’am… Howell confronted me in the hallway and threatened me… I figured I would just, um, let him…?”  
“Of course you did. But no matter. Why are you here now?”  
“I believe I have some important information about him, not only regarding his whereabouts.”  
“Care to specify?”  
“More about his abilities… Have you ever heard of the myth of Gen Harper?”

 

********

 

Dan can’t stop crying, and if he presses into Phil any more, he’s afraid they might fuse into one being. His leg is on top of Phil’s so that he’s half on his lap, and he’s staring at the bleach white ceiling, feeling like he might explode as Phil’s soft fingers card through his hair and cup his jaw. 

 

He can’t look straight at the other boy without being hit with a wave of guilt. Guilt for condemning Phil to this awful place, guilt for perhaps letting him get hurt, guilt for being happy in this situation when he knows that if she figures out that the situation happened it will all be done. 

 

Phil is breathing soft and slow, feeling the other boy’s body fold with silent cries. 

 

“Phil,” Dan gasps, finally looking the other boy in the eye, “I’m really not okay…”

 

And Phil places his hands square on the small of Dan’s back, looking him right in the eyes and leaning forward so that Dan can feel the warm exhale of the other boy’s breath. 

 

Dan smoothes his right hand through Phil’s hair, grasping at parts of it and watching the black-haired boy watch him. 

 

Dan’s never been watched before, not like this. Phil’s eyes are slightly closed, his mouth slightly open, and he’s peacefully smiling like he’s about to fall asleep. Dan, on the other hand, feels like he couldn’t possibly rest at a moment like this. Every part of him is on high alert, and he feels like there’s electricity coming from Phil’s hands and spreading all across his skin.

 

Phil moves his head ever so slightly forward, and Dan does the same, and then one of Phil’s hands escapes from Dan’s back and traces Dan’s jaw. With a tiny tug, Phil pulls the other boy forward, and their lips collide in a fireworks display that crackles all over Dan’s skin.

 

In this moment, Dan can feel his shadows shying away, and he shudders, leaning farther into Phil. He lets a tear slide out of his eyes, every sense being sent into overdrive. 

 

Phil pulls away, and the two boys look at each other for a moment, everything so raw and there, and Dan can feel himself crying, and he can feel Phil kissing the tears off his cheek. 

 

Something is perfect for the first time Dan can remember, and everything is in slow motion. 

 

Dan feels like his heart has grown ten times its previous size, and he has to close his eyes because all the feelings that are bubbling up inside him are pressing in from all sides. 

 

He is desperate, longing, and he pushes himself into Phil, who moves back gracefully, letting Dan climb into his lap as they move closer together. 

 

Phil’s hands paw at Dan’s jaw, his thumbs brushing away the other boy’s tears, and their eyes just stare at each other like two searchlights in the dark. 

 

Dan feels his whole body shuddering and shaking with the intense feeling of being loved, and his heart is humming and vibrating, threatening to fly out of his chest in a desperate attempt to join itself with the other boy. 

 

They lie down together on the uncomfortable sheets, and Phil shuts off the light so it’s completely dark in this room where they lie across from each other.

 

“Dan,” Phil whispers, “help me find you, okay?”  
And so Dan does, reaching out to Phil so that they can hold hands, and Dan can’t help noticing how soft the other boy is, how light and gentle his touch is. 

 

His hands run up Dan’s arm to his jaw, tracing the younger boy’s features with a cool touch. 

And their lips touch, but it’s not filled with desperate passion like before. It’s a soft, chaste, brush of a kiss; It’s a petal, a goodnight, a promise that you promise you’ll keep. 

 

It’s dark, so Phil can’t see the blush that creeps up Dan’s cheeks. It’s dark, so he can’t see Dan staring at him like he’s seen a star for the first time in his life.  
But somehow he feels what he can’t see, and he rolls over and cups Dan’s body with his own, breathing out into Dan’s neck and whispering something that Dan can’t hear. 

Whatever it is, he wants to hear it again. 

 

********

 

Dan wakes up in the middle of the night, and as soon as he feels Phil’s arms encasing him, everything else comes flowing back. The look that Phil gave him, the way that as soon as Phil touched his lips he felt like he was being split into pieces of himself, the way his eyes filled up with tears…

 

Tears half there because of how beautiful, how right, everything was in that moment.

 

And half there because… Dan goes rigid as he realizes what he’s done. Even though all he wants to do is lean back further and fall back asleep in Phil Lester’s arms, he instead pulls them off his chest, climbing out of the warm bed into the chilling air. He grabs his shirt, pulls it over his head, and walks determinedly towards the door. 

 

As he’s about to step out, he steals a look back at the sleeping form of the other boy. His arms, once hugging Dan, lie outstretched on the mattress. His hair is mussed, his mouth half open, and there’s a blush still present on his cheeks. 

 

Dan can’t help but to walk back over and pull up the covers, making sure that Phil is warm and comfortable. As the sheet brushes Phil’s neck, however, the black haired boy’s eyes half- open and find Dan in the dark.

 

“Dan?”  
“Ssh, it’s okay, Phil… go back to sleep.”  
“Where are you going?”  
“It doesn’t matter, when you wake up I’ll be back.”

 

Phil yawns, still not breaking eye contact. 

 

“Promise?”  
“Yeah, promise,” Dan responds, even though he knows he can’t.  
“Okay.” Phil closes his eyes, a smile on his face, and Dan can’t resist grabbing his hand and squeezing it as he walks outside.

 

He knows that when Phil wakes up he won’t be lying beside him, but for now, he can let Phil believe it. And, somewhere in Dan’s mind, he can believe it too. 

 

Even as he makes his way to the facilities so that he can train to end as many people’s lives as possible. 

 

********

Phil wakes up again. The bed is strangely cold, his arms reach out but hold nothing. 

 

Dan promised that when Phil woke up he would be back, and yet he is nowhere to be found. Maybe Phil just woke up earlier than Dan thought he would? Or maybe it was the opposite, maybe Dan had come back and Phil was still asleep. Either way, Dan had to have come back. He promised, after all. 

 

********

 

Mrs. Parkinson cannot believe her luck. If this scientist is right, if Philip Lester’s ability is… this, then her job has just gotten fifteen times easier. 

 

As the scientist leaves the room, she sinks down into a chair, a smile spreading across her face.  
“Jane! Cancel anything I have today. And go fetch the Lester kid from his room!”

Jane, the secretary, nods, standing up. 

“Actually, scratch that last remark. I’ll go myself.”

And with that, Mrs. Parkinson strides out the wooden door and into the hall, a grin not unlike the Cheshire cat’s taking over her face. 

Joyful, but unnerving. 

She stands outside the Lester boy’s door for a quarter second, then, without waiting any longer, pushes it open and barges in. 

 

“Dan?” she hears his voice, calling sleepily from the bed. 

 

And she stops short, almost forgetting what she came here for. Why the hell would Lester be calling out for Daniel from his bed?! Had she not been clear with Howell? 

 

No, she had been. And she would make sure he knew that when she warned him about something, the warning should be taken absolutely seriously. 

 

But for now? She had completed her puzzle, and this boy was the missing piece. 

 

“Lester, I’m not your lover boy. I’m your boss. And you need to come with me immediately.”

 

Phil’s head pops up from beneath the covers, his eyes wide. 

 

“Dan and I aren’t- I didn’t mean--”  
“I don’t want your excuses, Philip, I want you to get out of bed and follow me. Right now.”

 

Phil does get out of bed, giving his hair a shake and running his hands through it. 

 

“For God’s sake, put on a shirt and let’s go!”  
“Yes, right, of course…”

 

Two minutes later, Mrs. Parkinson is walking down the hallways at a quick pace, throwing a look over her shoulder to make sure she isn’t too close or too far from Phil. Her heels make clicking sounds when they touch the floor, sounds that everyone in the facilities knows far too well. She is wearing a business suit, her hair in a bun, and her face, a mask. 

 

Phil, on the other hand, seems to be almost sleepwalking through the halls. His shirt is on not only inside out, but also backwards, and hair is continually falling over his face. Every couple dozen seconds, he yawns. 

 

They make quite a strange pair, but the scientists know not to say anything about anything that the boss does, otherwise they will be fired faster than they can throw their arms up to beg for forgiveness. Well, at least they think that’s what happens. The scientists that get caught badmouthing Mrs.Parkinson just… seem to disappear. 

 

Finally, the boss opens a doorway that Phil has never gone through before, and, allowing him to step through first, she closes it and locks it behind them. 

 

It’s a pretty big room, about the size of four cubicles in the facilities. There are two other people standing inside, a trainer and a smaller boy with blonde hair. He looks to be only 13, and Phil immediately feels awful for him. He remembers that Dan told him that he first came here when he was 13 as well. 

 

Mrs. Parkinson motions for Phil to follow her as she walks behind a piece of protective glass in the corner. 

 

They watch the boy practice for a while. He’s a dynamo, works with light beams. Phil remembers that Dan’s brother, Sandy, was a dynamo too, before…

 

Whoever this boy is, he’s obviously an amateur. His beams aren’t at all concentrated, and he’s already burned half his clothing and the tips of his hair. After they watch him try a couple times, Mrs.Parkinson leads Phil outside the glass and sits him down next to the blonde. It smells like smoke, a smell that Phil had always enjoyed. 

 

It reminds him of the times when he didn’t know that he was ordinary yet, when he used to sit around the firepit with his family and guess with them what his power would turn out to be. Every day that goes by, Phil falls more and more back into his first mindset. Yeah, they had told him that he had a power, but it seemed like maybe they were just saying that. 

 

Thinking about something from home makes Phil sad, in a way, even though he knows that there’s nothing for him to go back to. James will have started his job by now. His family will have figured out that he is gone. He wonders if they’ll really care. 

 

“Hi,” the blonde says in a quiet voice, breaking Phil’s train of thought.  
“Hello,” he replies, “I’m Phil.”  
“I’m Andy.”  
“That’s a nice name. So, you’re a dynamo, huh?”  
“Yeah. I’m not very good, though.”  
“It’s okay.”  
“What’s your ability?”  
“Um, I’m not really sure.”  
“But… you’re like eighteen!”  
“I’m seventeen. But yeah, I know it’s weird.”

 

Andy shrugs, smiling a bit. 

 

“So, how’d you get here?” Phil asks, curious as to how people get recruited if they aren’t kidnapped.  
“I dunno. I was in foster care, which was shit, and one day I was walking to school and these guys came up to me and told me they could give me a job and could help me with… my powers and stuff. And they told me that I would become a hero, too. Are you?”

 

So they take kids living in bad situations and make empty promises. Phil can feel his face harden in anger. It’s even more awful than he thought.

 

“Am I what?”  
“A hero, I mean. You’re here, aren’t you?”

 

Part of him wants to tell the kid the truth. But he decides, at least for now, that the kid can be ignorant and happy for a while longer. 

 

“Philip. Get up off the ground, please, and stand right here. Andy, you stand next to him.”

 

The boys get up, standing where the boss tells them too. 

 

“Andy. Please start whenever you’re ready.”

 

Phil almost jumps back in surprise as the blonde boy next to him holds up his hands and poorly fires some flimsy beams of energy.

 

“Philip, try to concentrate on Andy’s beams. You want him to succeed, don’t you?”  
“Yeah?”  
“So think about that, please.”

 

What a strange request…

 

“Andy, go ahead.”

 

Phil concentrates on Andy’s energy, trying to think about the right things, but he’s distracted by his own questions.

 

“Philip! Concentrate! Andy, again!”  
Phil traps his eyes on Andy’s light, willing him to succeed. 

 

He feels a peculiar shift in his mind, and his skin starts crackling as if he himself has Andy’s powers, although he knows that he doesn’t. 

 

Andy opens up his hands, and Phil wills the power to flow out of his own body, out of Andy’s body, and into the target.

 

It works. 

 

********

 

Dan is on the roof again. Even in the day, the sky is painted a dull blue. One of the only things he allows himself to remember from the real world is how pretty the sky is. 

 

More than ever, he wants to go home, even though he knows he doesn’t really have one.  
But for the first time, there is something here that he would consider staying for. 

 

He just needs control.  
And Dan Howell isn’t exactly known for having much of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> question: do you listen to music while reading this? because i do and i want to hear what you listen to and i'd be happy to share what i listen to with you!
> 
> more from me:  
> royal blood: royalty au where dan is a peasant who has to marry phil the sad prince  
> friends shouldnt kiss me like you do: heavy angst, happy ending, i like this one, finished


	12. Daydreamer, Making Up The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working on moving the plot forward,, but I'm having some writer's block :((  
> so i decided to go more in depth about dan's past! I know this is a bit of a filler, but hopefully you enjoy it anyway!!

Dan lies on the roof. He knows that if he doesn't start walking in the next five minutes, he'll be late for day training. 

He doesn't really give a shit. 

Dan's thoughts have run away with him, and when this happens, nobody can find him for a while. 

**

It's early in the morning, a long time ago, and Dan lies in a room that is lit up by the sun streaming through the window. 

He's a child, curled up in a ball in his green polka dotted bed, and the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is a stuffed bear with faded fur and a red ribbon tied around it's neck. 

Little Dan gives his bear a big, whispers, "good morning" into it's furry ears. 

He's three years old, and this will be his first day of school. 

He holds his bear's fur paw as he opens his bedroom door with a yawn. He runs down the hallway, making a beeline for his parents's room, when he runs smack into Sandy, who laughs. 

"Dan! Mum and Dad are asleep!" He says, laughing.  
"But I need help with my clothes," Dan whines, looking pleadingly up at his brother.  
"Fine, I'll help you. Come on!"

Dan squeals in delight, grabbing his brother's hand and dragging him back towards his room. Dan loves Sandy, basically worships him, and he would do anything for his older brother. 

"Well, what do you want to wear, Danny?"  
"Ew, don't call me that!"

Sandy chuckles, and Dan smiles, proud of himself for making his brother laugh. 

"Okay then, bear, have you picked out a shirt?"

Bear is a special nickname that only Sandy is allowed to call Dan. It makes him feel special, this name, and whenever he sees his bear he thinks of his brother.

"I like this red one," Dan says, motioning towards a lobster red button down that his mum had bought him last week.  
"I like it too! Here, I'll hold your bear and you can try it on."

Dan pulls it over his head, haphazardly buttoning at first, and then agreeing to let his brother help. 

"And you already have your jeans on! Good job, Dan!"

Dan beams. 

The boys grab hands and make their way downstairs, where their mother is cooking them eggs. 

"Mum, look! I helped Dan get dressed!"  
"That's wonderful, Sandy! Thank you! And Dan, darling, you look so cute!"

She pulls both her boys in for a hug, and they lean into her, smelling her trademark scent of flowers. 

They climb up into their chairs, and as their mother goes to wake their father up, Sandy suggests they have a contest. 

"Let's see who can finish all their eggs first!"  
"That's no fair! Your stomach is bigger than mine, you're older!"  
"Come on Dan, it'll be fun!!"

Well, it's for Sandy. 

"Okay..."

When their mother returns downstairs, their sleepy father in tow, she gasps at the mess her sons have made on the counter. 

"Boys! What's going on over here!" She says, but her voice has an edge of humor in it. 

Sandy and Dan make eye contact and start uncontrollably giggling, laughing even harder when their father pulls them in for a hug and tickles them. 

They stop in front of the school, turning to wave goodbye to their parents, but Mr. and Mrs. Howell insist that they take a picture before going inside. 

"But muuuuu-uuuuuuuu-uuum!" Sandy whines, "I see my friends! I want to go play!"  
"Sandy, you'll show Dan around first, right?"

Sandy looks down and sees his little brother beaming back at him. 

"...Alright. But take the picture quick, okay?"  
"Our little boys, getting so old!" Mr. Howell smiles to himself as he bends down to take the photo of his seven year old and his three year old outside school, smiling and holding hands on the first day of school. 

As Sandy leads Dan towards school, their parents get back in the car, watch their sons enter the building, then turn and smile at each other. 

"We did well, huh?"  
"I couldn't be happier."

 

Now it's late at night, almost a year and a half later, and Dan turned four yesterday. They threw a party, and all his little friends came over, and they watched old films and ate too much cake and went to bed, in Mr. and Mrs. Howell's opinion, way too late. 

Dan woke up this morning still buzzing off the sugar, and he ran laps around the back yard, clutching his bear to his chest, laughing and shouting. 

He went inside after a while, collapsing at the dining table and reluctantly eating the sandwich his dad had made him, despite the fact that it had tomatoes in it, and Dan _hates _tomatoes.__

__He watches through the glass doors as his family plays in the back yard without him. Sandy, of course, is shooting his energy beams everywhere, making chairs and tables float and saying things that make his parents smile and laugh. Dan can't wait until he figures out his power! Then he can play too!_ _

__As he falls asleep, he hears Sandy walk down the hall and lean into Dan's room._ _

__"Sweet dreams, Bear!"_ _

__Dan sits up, smiles, and waves at his brother with one hand, the other clutching his bear to his chest._ _

__"See you tomorrow!"_ _

__

__Dan's five now. He sits on his mother's lap on the front porch._ _

__"Sandy's so old! He's gonna be ten tomorrow!"  
"You're pretty old too, young man! Five years old, where has the time gone?" She says nuzzling her face into her youngest's hair.  
"I wish I could have energy like Sandy..."  
"Oh Dan, you know that your ability will come with time! And it'll probably come soon, too!"  
"How soon?"  
"I don't know, sweetheart..."  
"Before I'm six?" Dan asks expectantly, twisting around in his chair to look at his mother's face. 

__She smiles, ruffling his hair._ _

__"Before you're six," she confirms, because it's incredibly rare for kids to get their power after they turn six._ _

__Dan bounces up and down in excitement, hugging his bear closer and beaming._ _

__Soon enough, Sandy and Mr.Howell join Dan and his mother out on the porch, all rocking in rocking chairs and eating and laughing. The sun slowly depends in the sky, and Dan curls up on his mother's lap and falls asleep._ _

__When he wakes up in the morning, he's tucked into bed with his bear, and a smile graces his little face._ _

__

__Dan is ten now. His family sits outside on the porch and has dinner, but he no longer sits on his mother's lap. He sits in the little rocking chair off to the side, eats in silence and listens to the rest of his family chat to each other about their day._ _

__"Sandy, honey, how was your math test?"  
"Pretty good," Sandy says between mouthfuls of stir fry, "I think I only missed one question."  
"That's wonderful, son!"  
"And science is still your favorite class?"  
"Yeah. We're learning about molecules all the time now!"  
"Well, that's important!"  
"I know, I know. How was work, mum?"  
"It was lovely. Samantha, the new employee I told you about a couple weeks ago, is pregnant! Isn't that wonderful?!"  
"Oh, that's great! And how's her wife?"  
"They're all doing well!" 

__Comfortable silence falls over the family, until Sandy drags his eyes up to Dan's and asks him a question._ _

__"How was your day, then, Dan?"  
"Um. It was... alright."  
"That's good," Mrs.Howell smiles uncertainly, "What have you been doing in school?"  
"...Learning." 

__The adults exchange a look, and then, with a tight smile, Mrs.Howell continues._ _

__"I meant, what are you learning about?"  
"Oh. We're doing Introduction to Abilities."_ _

__The adults exchange another look. It's an obvious sore subject that Dan doesn't have his powers yet, but Mr. and Mrs. Howell aren't sure what to do about the whole school thing. They want Dan to be happy, and they know that he isn't at the moment, but they have no idea what to do about it._ _

__"Son," Mr. Howell tentatively begins, "You know, you can stay home from school for a couple weeks if you'd like?"  
"No thanks." Dan says, standing up and walking back inside the house, hiding his face by looking at the ground. _ _

__"Honey... I don't know what to do," Mrs. Howell feels her heart break every time her son rejects their help.  
"Me neither."_ _

__The three family members remaining on the porch finish eating in silence, and before they get up, Mrs. Howell pats Sandy on the back and asks him to talk to Dan._ _

__"Could you... Speak to your brother? I don't think he wants to talk with me right now."  
"Sure, mum."  
"Thank you, Sandy. You're a life saver." 

__

__Dan lies in his bed, eyes to the ceiling, all alone in the dark. He would never admit it, but he still sleeps with his bear, holds it in his right hand under the covers._ _

__"Dan?" He hears his brother come into the room, just like he used to do every night, and Dan sits up and smiles insincerely._ _

__"Hey."  
"Hi... Mum asked me to talk to you."  
"Of course she did. Look, I'm fine. Just- I'm fine."  
"You don't sound fine, bear..." 

__Dan winces at the nickname. He can't help but to be jealous of his brother, and although he wishes that they could share the same bond, he knows that he's different and that he'll have to accept it._ _

__He's already withdrawn from his friends, and he usually doesn't go to school, instead just sitting on the pavement outside and dreaming for seven hours before his parents come to pick him up. His brother is the only person left that he feels okay with, but he knows that that won't last either._ _

__Better to just cut it off._ _

__"Please don't call me that. I'm fine, Sandy, so could you just leave me alone?!"_ _

__Dan tries to ignore the hurt look on his brother's face as he leaves the room._ _

__

__His family tries to reform their bonds with their younger son, but it's awkward and they get rejected every time._ _

__Eventually they stop._ _

__

__And Dan stops going to school, stops even getting in the car to pretend to go, instead he wanders around the neighborhood and sits alone in his room, and he's fourteen, and his parents would never say it, but they notice that he still sleeps with his bear._ _

__Sandy is eighteen. It's his graduation day, and the whole family piles in their car to drive to the stadium that the ceremony will be held in._ _

__Dan is dressed in all black, like he's going to a funeral._ _

__

__After the ceremony, Mrs.Howell hands her phone to a passerby, asking her to take a family photo._ _

__"Is this everybody?" The stranger asks, and Dan is not there, so it's not everybody, and yet-  
"Yeah, this is everybody," Mrs.Howell says, and maybe she feels a little bad, but she would rather have a perfect family photo on this perfect day._ _

__Sandy can't properly smile without his brother in the picture._ _

__

__And Dan sees this all, and Dan is running towards the woods next to the stadium, plunging in and screaming and letting all the emotions that have trapped inside him for years now explode out of him._ _

__And he realizes, right there, that he does have a power._ _

__

__He doesn't know how much fucking trouble it will cause him._ _

__

__**_ _

__"Daniel," he hears a voice above him and opens his eyes to see the boss herself standing over him._ _

__"You're half an hour late to day training."  
"Sorry," he replies, not sorry at all.  
"I'll let it slide this time, but just because I'm in a good mood." 

__Dan has never seen Mrs.Parkinson in a good mood before. He wonders what could have caused it._ _

__Knowing her, probably nothing good._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! until next sunday :)
> 
> more from me:  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do (finished): quick read, heavy angst with a happy ending  
> royal blood (work): royalty au where dan is a peasant who is forced to marry prince phil


	13. Meaner than the Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! happy sunday!! i hope you all are having a great day :). I've basically been sitting in my bed and drinking tea, so it's been pretty relaxing!
> 
> also I know that some of these chapters are shorter than others, and I've decided that from now on each chapter is going to be 2000 words or more.

Phil is exhausted. All morning, he's been walking up and down the halls of the facility, stopping in front of one of the glass cubicles when the crowd of scientists behind him say to. Sometimes he is told to focus on numbing people's powers, sometimes is told to focus on making their power stronger. 

A part of him, though, no matter how many times he manipulates other people's abilities, feels euphoric. Phil has a power, a power that he can use, and he feels the same joy that a five year old would upon finding this out. 

Every time he does it, the scientists murmur and hum and scribble on papers. 

Finally, they lead him to the back of the training facilities, and through a narrow hallway with a door at the end. Phil recognizes this hallway from one of his first days here, though he can't remember exactly where it leads. 

But once he goes through it, everything rushes back. 

He stands on a platform, with stairs leading up to a skywalk, and more stairs leading down to a huge room. This, Phil remembers, is the place where he first watched Dan control his shadows. And, sure enough, the doors at the side of the room open, and in walks Mrs. Parkinson, dragging Dan behind her. 

Dan has bags under his eyes, and his hair is messy, curlier than normal. His face is a mask of emotion, his eyes downcast. 

A scientist prods Phil in the back, and he walks down the stairs, confused as to why he is here. More scientists come out from the door that Dan and Mrs.Parkinson have just passed through. 

The scientist exchange notes, talking in low voices, and Phil stares at that floor, scuffing his feet. 

"Philip," the boss says, snapping her fingers in front of his face to gain his attention. 

Phil looks up. "Yes?"

Mrs. Parkinson smiles unnervingly widely.  
"Please, take a seat," she says, motioning towards a chair leaning up against the wall. 

Phil sits down, still wary, his eyes darting around the room. 

Mrs.Parkinson walks behind the glass barrier, locking something behind her. Then, she turns back to the boys.

"Daniel, you may begin," 

Dan turns around, his eyebrows raised. 

"But-"  
"No 'buts'."  
"Mrs.Parkinson, I can't control-"  
"You've done this before, Daniel, you'll do it again. Right now."

For the first time since Phil walked into the room, Dan looks at him, before turning back to Mrs.Parkinson with a pained expression. 

"He could get hurt...." Dan says, his hands motioning towards Phil.  
"Anyone could."  
"Why can't he be behind the barrier?"  
"Because, I'm telling you that he can't."  
"I won't do it if he's in here," Dan says, his voice changing from confusion and sadness to dangerous anger.  
"And why is that?"  
"Because I can't hurt him!"

Mrs.Parkinson laughs, holding up a panel full of buttons and dangling it between two fingers.  
"You won't hurt him if you control yourself, Daniel."

Dan lets out a low growl, moving a couple steps closer to the barrier.

"You know I can't."

Mrs.Parkinson laughs again. 

"You have ten seconds to begin."  
"Or what?"

She does not reply. 

Phil counts the seconds in his head, each one feeling like forever. His eyes fly back and forth between Mrs.Parkinson, standing behind the glass with her fingers hovering over the panel, and Dan, tired and messy and staring at the boss like he could kill her right then.

7...8...9...

And on the tenth second, Mrs.Parkinson slams her finger down on one of the buttons. Dan's whole body shakes, and he screams in pain, his hands shooting to his chest like his heart is stopping. When he speaks again, his voice is ragged, his breaths hitched. 

"W-what... how did you- how'd you-"  
Mrs.Parkinson smiles brightly.  
"Oh, Daniel. You may have forgotten, but as soon as you came here, we put a little implant in your arm. We've never really found a use for it before, but now..."

Dan looks at the ground, his brows furrowed. 

"Well, let's try this again. Care to begin?"

Dan stares at Phil, pain in his eyes, and then looks back at the boss.

"No. I won't hurt him," Dan says, strength returning to his voice. 

Mrs.Parkinson hits the button again, pressing and holding, and Dan cries out, his eyes blown wide in surprise as his body doubles over and he falls to the ground. His body shakes, and he coughs a couple of time before looking back up. 

His eyes, watery with tears, find Phil's and hold them, even as he speaks to the boss.

"I won't do it," he says again, but his voice is shaky and weak. 

This time, Phil looks away, not wanting to see the embodiment of the screams that come from the younger boy. 

"No," Dan says, but it's barely a whisper.

Mrs.Parkinson raises her eyebrows, staring at Dan's balled up body still trembling on the ground.

"Well, somebody cares a little too much, don't they?"  
"No," Dan says again, his hand twitching involuntarily.  
"You know, Daniel, that Lester has the same implant as you?"

Dan's eyes widen as she pulls out another panel, equipped with similar buttons as the one she was just using. 

"If shocking you doesn't work, we can always just shock someone else," she says, tilting her head threateningly towards Phil.  
"What are you saying?" Dan asks, although he already knows exactly what is about to happen.

Mrs.Parkinson smiles crudely, her finger hovering closer to the button that Dan knows will put Phil through the same pain.

Closer, and closer, and closer, and...

"I'll do it, okay?! I'll do it!" Dan takes another step closer to the glass barrier, his pupils blown and his hands waving frantically. 

Mrs.Parkinson nods, dropping the panel onto the floor.  
"Go ahead, then."

Dan steps away from the barrier, walking into the center of the room, with his back turned to Phil. 

Finally he turns around, his eyes watering.

"I'm so sorry," he mouths at Phil, and then he turns around and begins. 

Dan's shadow comes to life first, a threatening gray mist in the form of a human. Dan stands still, but his shadow moves, climbing and running up the walls. Eventually, the other shadows cast about the room begin to take their shape, conducted by Dan's shadow, and they all blend together. The cloud of black forms an arrow, darting around the room before coming to rest around Dan. 

The shadows lift him into the air, carry him on a perfectly edged sword, and he darts around the room. Phil notices that Dan's pupils have blown, that his eyes are a stormy black color instead of their normal warm brown. 

And the shadows, dangerously powerful, do not slow. 

Until they do. Slowly, they begin to come undone; Instead of resembling a sharp edged sword, the edges are blurred, and Dan is sinking further into the mass. 

He struggles, but to no avail. Phil hears his frustrated, pained screams, and finally sees him drop out of the shadows, falling twenty feet to the ground and hitting it with a sickening crunch. Dan doesn't move as the shadows disband, slowly spreading to the sides of the room. Phil stands up quickly, involuntarily crying out as Dan hits the ground. 

He rushes over, forgetting how dangerous the shadows are, and kneels next to Dan, shaking him with one hand.

"Phil," Dan whispers, his voice breaking, "Get away."  
"No," Phil whispers back, pulling Dan to his feet and putting his arm around the younger boy's waist, "You're hurt."

Dan hisses in pain as he tries to take a step. "Phil, you need to go. I can't- the shadows, they..."  
"It's okay, Dan, if we can just get to the barrier it will be okay..."

And Phil walks slowly and steadily, Dan hobbling along next to him. Mrs. Parkinson watches from behind the glass, her eyebrows raised and a mean looking smile growing on her face.

The shadows have a mind of their own, haphazardly joining together again. They move sickeningly slowly, creeping around the room as Dan and Phil desperately try to get to a safe place. 

But the shadows move faster and faster, and soon it's clear that the boys will not be able to get to the barrier in time. 

"Phil, you have to go, I'm too slow," Dan breathes, leaning further into the black haired boy. 

Phil says nothing, just tightening his hold on Dan and trying to walk as quickly as he can. And the shadows quicken, beginning to follow them from across the room.

"Phil." Dan insists, his voice low and emotionless.  
"No." Phil says back, keeping his eyes forward as they walk.

And then it happens. Phil can feel himself get thirty degrees colder and the air around him is darker, heavy with power and malice. Somewhere in the mist, he can make out figures, coming closer to him and Dan. Dan lets out a cry and stops short, shivering and leaning into Phil. He holds out his hands, trembling, his voice just a pleading whisper.

"No, go away, go away."

But Dan has lost control, and the shadows just slow a bit as they continue forward.

"Don't hurt him, don't please don't..."  
"It's okay, Dan," Phil breathes into him. 

Suddenly, he feels what's left of Dan's power flow into him. It's a tiny amount, but Phil focuses on it, making it come alive, making it glow. He puts his hand protectively over Dan's, breathing in time to the other boy, and whispers in his ear.

"You have control, Dan," 

And with that, he lets Dan's power flow back into him, mixed with Phil's, and Dan stands up straighter, holding his arm out less shakily. Phil pulls him close, and the two share a glow, a glow that no shadow would ever dream to breach, and they walk, slowly but surely, to the barrier. 

Dan leans against the glass, Phil's hand still cupping his, and looks into the eyes of his own shadow. 

"You are mine." He says, his jaw clenched in determination.

And with that, the mist disperses, the shadows seem to crumple against the floor, and Dan crumples with them, falling down again, his eyes closed, his hand grabbing for Phil's. 

And Phil sinks to the ground with him, winding his arm around Dan's waist, letting Dan's head rest on his shoulder. The brown eyed boy is still trembling, and whimpers escape from his lips. 

Phil leans into him, talking to him in a low voice. 

Mrs.Parkinson steps out from the barrier, standing in front of the boys.  
"Daniel, Philip, if you-"

Phil looks up, fixing her with a murderous glare. 

"What the _hell_?! We could have died, and you didn't do a fucking thing."  
"Mr.Lester, I knew what would happen."  
"But what if you were wrong?"  
"I'm never wrong. Now you and Howell need to-"  
"No," Phil begins, squeezing Dan's hand, "Don't you dare talk to us."

Mrs. Parkinson looks surprised, then the look changes to quick anger. 

"I am your boss, Lester, and you will do as I say."

Phil stands up, pulling Dan to his feet as well. Dan sways, still whimpering, and collapses into Phil's side. 

"Not today, I won't. How dare you do this to Dan? Haven't you done enough?!"  
"You insolent brat, I'm helping him!"

Dan's knees buckle, and Phil tightens his arm around the younger boy's waist so that he can stand up.

"Leave. Dan. Alone." Phil takes a step closer to the boss with each word, letting out a dangerous growl.

And then he turns, still supporting Dan's shaking figure, and the boys begin to walk out of the facilities. A couple scientists approach them, furiously writing on their clipboards, but after one look from Phil they retreat. 

Finally, the boys climb the stairs, and parade through the facilities before they reenter the hallway. 

"It's okay Dan, It's okay. It'll be alright," Phil murmurs, keeping his tone comforting as they take a break from walking.

"I know It's okay. You're here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! until next sunday :)
> 
> more from me:  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do (finished): quick read, heavy angst with a happy ending  
> royal blood (work): royalty au where dan is a peasant who is forced to marry prince phil
> 
> thank you so much for your comments and kudos! every single one really brightens my day <33
> 
> remember if you need clarification on anything, please ask!! I would be happy to fill you in on what's happening, because sometimes I think things are clearer than they are


	14. this mess was yours now your mess is mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to write this chapter on a time limit so please forgive any mistakes/pacing issues! I tried to make it as good as possible but I couldn't read it over that well. sorry!
> 
> remember to ASK ME if you're confused about anything! I would be happy to give you an answer :))

Dan and Phil stumble through the hallways, both exhausted. 

Dan's eyes are squeezed shut and his hands grip at Phil's shirt, bunching it up in his fists. He's hanging off of the black-haired boy, tripping over his own feet.  
Phil's arm is wrapped around the younger boy's waist, holding him up and guiding him forward despite not knowing where they are. 

Finally, he finds a hallway he recognizes, and he turns down it. This is where Dan's room is, and hopefully they can just lie down and breathe for a second. 

Phil opens the door and pushes it open with the shoulder that isn't supporting Dan, practically dragging Dan inside. He sits down on the bed, letting Dan fall down next to him. The younger boy keeps his eyes shut, and his breathing is still erratic. But he ducks his head into Phil's chest, pressing into Phil's skin. 

They sit for what feels like hours before Dan picks his head up and opens his eyes. 

"Phil..."  
"Dan?"  
"You did it."  
"What?"  
"You did it, you controlled the shadows."  
"No, Dan. _You_ did it. Don't you remember?"

Dan makes a little noise, scooting closer to Phil and pressing his shoulder into him. 

"I'm tired."  
"Okay. Let's lie down."

And they do. They lie on their sides, facing each other and just looking at each other's faces. Dan reaches out for Phil's hand, but that's the only parts of their bodies that touch. Dan yawns, his eyes fluttering shut, and Phil watches him drift off, smiling at how peaceful he looks. Slowly, he falls asleep as well. 

Dan wakes up in the middle of the night. He feels warm and safe, but when he tries to move everything aches. Memories of the past 12 hours rush back to him all at once, and he looks over to see Phil sleeping across from him. 

They slept in the same bed the night before, but Dan had left before he woke up. Why had he done that?

And then... Oh. 

Dan releases Phil's hand and scrambles backwards, letting out a whine and getting out of his bed as quickly as he can. But he can't just leave, because Phil is in _his_ bed. He runs his hand through his hair, pacing around the room. He could hardly wake the other boy up, but if someone found him in here...

He walks into the hall. It's 3 am, and although his body is tired, his mind is wide awake. 

He makes a beeline for Xavi's room. 

But as soon as he steps out of his hallway, he runs into the boss herself. 

Mrs. Parkinson raises her eyebrows at Dan's disheveled figure, and he takes a step back, afraid of what she's about to do. 

"Daniel, what are you doing wandering around at such an hour?"  
"B-bathroom?"  
"There's a bathroom in your hallway, Daniel."  
"Well, what are _you_ doing here?"  
"I went to check on your friend Philip. You may remember he was quite contrary with me when I saw him last."

Dan takes another step back, his mind racing.

"But he wasn't in his room," Mrs.Parkinson says, smiling evilly, "Perhaps you know where he is?"

"N-no, I don't. Have you checked the roof?"  
"Hmm, I haven't, I thought I might check your room first."

Dan lets out an involuntary squeak and clenches his fists at his sides. He can't think of a way to get out of it. 

"May I?"

She asks as if it's a question, as if Dan could say no to it. 

"Yes." Dan answers, because he's given up. 

And the two walk down the hallway, turning into Dan's room. 

Dan enters first, hoping for a miracle, hoping that Phil has left the room or rolled under the bed or burrowed far under the covers. But as he turns on the light, Dan realizes that no such miracle has taken place. 

The covers have fallen off Phil's upper body, and his shirt has ridden up to expose part of his stomach. His head rests sideways on a pillow, his hair falling over his face. If Dan was alone, if nothing was at stake, he might've burrowed his way into Phil, kissed him on the nose to wake him up. 

But he is not alone. And everything is at stake. 

Mrs.Parkinson enters behind him, and Dan doesn't even have to look at her to know exactly what she sees, exactly what she's thinking. 

Phil's eyes half open as the lights go on, and he pushes his arms out to feel the spot across from him. It breaks Dan's heart a little bit to see that even before Phil is fully awake he is reaching for Dan, whereas Dan jumped out of bed as soon as he woke up. 

But, then again, Dan knows something that Phil does not. 

Phil, feeling nothing, opens his eyes a little more. 

"Dan..." he says, his voice deep and crackly and unsure. He looks around the room, his eyes falling on Dan in the doorway and softening again. And then Phil sees Mrs.Parkinson standing behind him, and he sits up a bit, confused. 

"Dan?" He says again, and Dan looks down, afraid to speak. 

"Well, looks like you two have quite the romance, hmm?" Mrs.Parkinson seems to be taking joy in what she is about to do, and it makes Dan livid. 

"What's going on? Why's she here?" 

Dan looks up and meets Phil's eyes, and he feels his heart shatter at how confused the older boy is. Phil's sat up now, propping his back against the headboard, and his hands reach to pull his shirt down. 

"Dan... Why won't you say something?"  
"Because I messed up, Phil."  
"What?"

Mrs.Parkinson laughs, and Dan's eyes harden. 

"Well, well, well. I'm _so_ sorry to be the one to do this, but I simply cannot allow a relationship between employees."  
"But we-"  
"Shh, Lester, let me explain," Mrs.Parkinson steps around Dan, blocking him from Phil's view. "You two are both incredibly valuable to me, and I simply cannot have you two... banding together. It just causes unnecessary conflict, like yesterday evening for example. Philip, you don't know this, but I promised Dan that if I ever saw you together, I would split you apart. And now... I'll have to do just that."

Phil's eyes widen, then begin searching for Dan's.

Dan stares at the ground.

"No," Phil says, and Dan's eyes shoot up, "That's not fair."  
"Actually, it's very fair."  
"Just- stay away from Dan, alright? You can't keep doing this!"

Dan melts a little at Phil's words. He feels like shit for this, he really does. He blames himself for letting it get out of hand, he pushed Phil away without explaining things and let Phil stay with him without trying to stop anything. 

And now, even though Dan has messed everything up, Phil is still there, lying in his bed, trying to save him. 

"This is exactly what I'm talking about, Lester," the boss says, "You two think it's alright to question me now, and I'm ready to prove to you that's it's not alright."

Phil gets out of Dan's bed, jaw clenched in determination but eyes downcast in confusion. 

"Please, you can't-"  
"You'll find I can do whatever I please around here, Philip."

Dan's hands start to shake as the reality of the situation sinks in. He looks at the ceiling, trying to focus on one spot and block out everything else, but he can feel stray tears start to fall down his cheeks. 

"But I don't-" Phil starts, and then looks over and sees Dan. 

He steps past Mrs. Parkinson, placing his arms around Dan's waist and making the younger boy look at him. Phil brushes Dan's tears away with the back of his hand, smiling at him and making small shushing noises. 

Dan cries out, trying to get Phil away from him. The older boy, despite his adorable intentions, is only making the situation worse. 

And as if to prove that point, Mrs.Parkinson grabs Phil by the arm and pulls him away from Dan. Her nails digging into his pale skin, she begins to drag him away. She stops to open the door and Phil looks back, staring at Dan and almost calling out. 

Tears drip down Dan's cheek. 

"I love you," Phil mouths at him, but before he can do anything Mrs.Parkinson drags him out of sight. 

Dan sinks into his bed. Once again, he's fucked everything up. And just when he had something good. 

 

Phil trips after Mrs.Parkinson, his mind desperately trying to register the situation. Finally, she opens the door to his room and roughly shoves him inside.

"You'll stay in here. Meals will be brought to you, and you'll be escorted to training every day at noon. You brought this upon yourself, don't forget."

And then she's gone, and Phil collapses onto the floor, wrapping his arms around himself and letting himself cry. 

 

*some time later*

 

Phil eventually stops counting the days. It's dark and dreary in this room, and he can feel himself breaking. He tries to sleep as long as he can every day, because at least he's not thinking when he's asleep, but it's harder and harder to keep his eyes shut. He barely eats. Even though he can feel his stomach growling in confusion, he can't seem to find it within himself to pick up his fork. 

You wouldn't think that Phil could be broken by being separated from his Dan and sitting in his room alone, but it turns out that he can be. It turns out that he is. 

At first, Phil tried. Every time someone came to give him food, he tried to slip outside the door, tried to bargain with them to let him out. When some scientist came to collect him for training, he would try to fight his way out of their arms, try to run and hide. He always tried to use his power, but in his frenzy he found that he couldn't focus enough to make it work. Then he stopped trying. 

He practices on his own time, and never in training. When he's in the facilities he simply sits on the floor as instructed, watching rookies practicing their power. Phil never steps in to try to help them, though. He won't do as he's told. Maybe it's the last bit of him that he has. 

Once he saw Andy again, his electricity beams still needing work. But Phil didn't speak, didn't help. Andy looked at him funny when the trainers yelled at Phil, one throwing an apple core at him, trying to get him angry. Phil just looked down, playing with his hands.

Once he saw Xavi walking down the halls, and the boy smiled at him. Phil did not smile back. He looked at Xavi, pleading for help. He almost tried to speak but he was afraid that he had lost his voice. Is Dan alright? he wanted to ask. Is he okay? Or is he like me?

He never sees Dan.

He lies in his bed and stares at the light, he walks around his room sometimes, he piles up full plates and tries to sleep and tries to stop thinking. 

 

The scientists talk to Mrs.Parkinson. They tell her that they are beginning to lose Phil, that if they aren't careful he might stay lost. She laughs, nods her head. She knows exactly what she's doing. One day she sees Phil for herself, sees his vacant expression, and she begins to worry. 

She watches how he resists his training, though, and she knows that he's still somewhere in there. She can't stop smiling at how well everything is going for her. 

And yes, Phil never sees Dan, but Dan sometimes sees the other boy. Sees him being escorted to training. Sees him sitting on the ground, doing nothing. Sees the plates full of food that scientists take in and out of his room. 

And Dan is afraid. Because Phil is not there. His head hangs too low, his stomach growls too loud, his eyes are too empty. 

God, Dan just wants to sneak into his room and pull the boy close and breathe the life back into him. 

But he's scared that they'll find out and break the blue-eyed boy even more.  
He's scared that even if he tried to help the older boy, nothing would happen.

Because what if Phil is broken forever? What if it doesn't matter what Dan does?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more from me:  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do (finished): quick read, heavy angst with a happy ending  
> royal blood (work): royalty au where dan is a peasant who is forced to marry prince phil
> 
> thanks for your comments and kudos, every single one really brightens my day and makes me really really happy :))
> 
> (also some of you may be wondering about royal blood-- I was with family until a couple hours ago today, so I couldn't write it in time. I may try to get it out during the week, but if not, saturday for sure! love)


	15. All Nightmare Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i filled in a detailed outline so i know exactly where i want this to head,,, and i'm super excited! it looks like it will be 25/26 chapters (but that may change)
> 
> also as you may have noticed I changed my user because let's be real it was ugly before... its still me though
> 
> SLIGHT t/w for emotional abuse (not that strong in this chapter but will get worse)

It's been two months since Dan and Phil last saw each other. 

Sometimes, Dan sees the back of Phil's head while he's being dragged down a hallway, sometimes he sees the door to Phil's room open and quickly close, once he catches a glimpse of Phil's face. 

And he's scared of what he sees. Phil looks empty behind the eyes. Plates full of food are brought into his room, and brought out with just as much food still on the plate. Dan is worried, really worried, for the boy. 

Not that he's particularly okay either. He eats, albeit poorly, but Dan spends most of the day sitting on the roof or walking down hallways that he doesn't know, trying to escape the scientists whose jobs are to find him and bring him to training. Most days he's able to hide from them, but on the days he can't he just sits on the ground of the facilities and summons shadows in the palm of his hands, unimpressive little concentrations of mist that he knows he can control. 

He makes eye contact with every scientist in the room, staring them down with so much emotion in his eyes that they are forced to look away. He wants them to feel half of the things he's feeling, because everything is eating him up inside. 

 

One of the scientists, standing near the back and wearing a short lab coat, doesn't look away. 

Her name is Ruby and she feels awful. She has had a couple of interactions with Dan and Phil, the two boys who have the agency in an uproar, though they probably don't remember her. It was she who first brought Phil to see Mrs.Parkinson, it was she that tried to care for Dan on the airship on the way back from his job. 

It's her job to take notes about the boys, along with a whole posse of scientists. Despite being advised by her peers to ignore all the peculiar oddities of the agency, she can't help but notice how damaged Dan and Phil look. 

Dan, who usually summons an incredible amount of shadows, even if he can't control them, won't summon more than can fill his palm. He won't let anyone get near him, much less touch him. And as for Phil, she hasn't seen him since that day he and Dan left the facilities together, and she's afraid of what they have been doing to him. 

She is assigned to bring him his dinner tonight, however, so she will soon find out.

The training period ends, as usual, with Dan flipping everyone off and leaving despite multiple people grabbing at him and yelling at him. 

Ruby reports to where she was told pick up Phil's dinner right on time, and she's presented with a plate of food. She walks down the hallways, careful to make all the right turns, until she's standing in front of Phil's door. She pulls a key out from a pocket in her coat and unlocks the latch on the door.

Ruby doesn't think she'll ever forget the way Phil looks when she walks inside. 

He's lying on his bed, his hair mussed over his face, breathing slowly. His eyes, wide open, stare at the ceiling. They're so empty that they may as well be closed. Phil's lips are dangerously chapped and he looks paler, skinnier. He looks over, sees Ruby but barely responds. 

"Put it there," he says, his voice a husky whisper, the way a voice turns when it's underused. 

A tear falls out of his right eye, but there's no emotion behind it. Ruby sets the plate down, hovers in the doorway for a moment before speaking. 

"Are you going to eat it?" She whispers, afraid that if she raises her voice at all she will snap Phil's fragile figure in half.   
"No," Phil replies in his broken tone, "I probably won't."

Ruby watches as he rolls over onto his side, looks her right in the eye the same way Dan does, but where Dan is filled up with emotion, Phil is devoid of it. 

She speeds out of the room, stopping for a second to lock the door, then almost runs down the hall. She felt awful for Dan, and guilty as well, but seeing the state that Phil is in solidifies how terribly the two are is in her mind. 

She takes a couple of turns, and knocks on Mrs.Parkinson's door. She is greeted by the secretary, who smiles unsurely at her. 

"Is Mrs.Parkinson in?"  
"Yes, but I don't think you have an appointment..." 

Before the secretary can even turn around, Ruby speeds past her and into the room beyond where Mrs.Parkinson sits at the head of a table.

"I have to talk to you," Ruby insists, and Mrs.Parkinson raises her eyebrows.   
"Who are you?"  
"My name's Ruby-- I'm a scientist."  
"And what do you need." It's a question, but the boss phrases it as a statement.   
"I've just delivered dinner to... to Mr.Lester?"

Mrs.Parkinson looks up, as if she's suddenly interested. "And? Did he say anything?"  
"No... that's the problem. I'm really concerned about his condition... I think it's unsafe for him to work?"  
"We know what we're doing."  
"I know, I just- he looks really bad. It's like he's not himself anymore."  
"Trust me, young woman, we're monitoring him. He still has resolve in him."  
"It's just that--"

But no matter how many protests Ruby gives, Mrs.Parkinson insists that everything is fine. Finally, the boss rudely dismisses the scientist. 

Ruby is still concerned as she leaves. Nothing about Phil seems even remotely "fine", and she feels extremely guilty. Strolling down the halls, she decides that the only way to calm her guilt is to stop turning a blind eye-- she has to try to help. 

Filled with resolve, she walks purposefully, her eyes up. She turns a corner, slamming into someone, and begins apologizing before she sees who it is. 

"Sorry I-- Dan?"  
"Who are you?" The boy asks, his voice dripping with sadness.  
"My name is Ruby. I'm a scientist."  
"Please," Dan starts, looking her in the eye, "Don't tell them where I am."  
"I won't, I.. I want to help you. You and Phil."

Dan's face hardens when he hears the other boy's name. "Is he okay? Have you seen him?"

'I have seen him, yes, and he's... Well, he's-"  
"Just tell me. Please."  
"He doesn't look very good."

Dan's form visibly slumps and he bites his lip. 

"Can you let _me_ see him?" He asks.  
"I don't think that would be a good plan. Phil's... unstable."  
"What do you mean?"  
"He's not the same as he was. It's like-- he doesn't feel anything."

Dan leans against the wall, his eyes fluttering shut and his breathing increasing.   
"But he can be fixed, right? I can fix him?"

Dan opens his eyes, but all he sees is Ruby looking down at the floor, as if unsure what to say.

 

Phil used to sleep through as much of it as he could, because when he's asleep at least he's not awake and thinking. But lately, his mind has greeted him with a menagerie of horrific nightmares. 

Ones where he's falling through an endless pit of darkness, ones where he's tied to chairs and can't move, ones where he can't sop shaking, ones where he's trapped in a room with no doors and no windows. 

The worst ones and the best ones are the ones where Dan is there, yelling at him, telling him how much of an awful, undeserving person he is. It's so painful, hearing Dan say these things. But at least he's seeing Dan, even if it's not real. And he's remembered every single detail of the younger boy's face. How utterly hopeless. 

After the nightmares started, Phil felt like he was drained 24 hours a day. 

Sleeping was a horrific affair, now, so instead he tries to stay conscious without thinking about anything. For hours every day, he stares at his ceiling, trying to zone out and forget everything. 

He isn't eating. He isn't drinking. Phil's physical health is deteriorating almost as quickly as his mental health. 

He begins to hallucinate during his waking hours as well, envisioning various demons hiding in the shadows, imagining that people were going to come out of the ceiling and out of the dresser and put him out of his misery. 

Sometimes people come in to talk to him, but he doesn't know how to make his voice work. He can't differentiate between talking in his head and talking out loud. 

Ruby isn't the only scientist that goes to Mrs.Parkinson, concerned, but she keeps insisting that Phil is somewhere in that body. She says that if he was truly broken, he wouldn't keep resisting training.

 

And maybe, deep down, a part of Phil is still there. But every day that goes by, it gets pushed down deeper and deeper, until Phil forgets about it altogether. He's gone totally mute, his eyes sometimes looking in different directions. His hands are always twitching in his lap or at his sides, the only part of him that moves.

Mrs.Parkinson, despite herself, begins to get a little concerned. And Ruby, who serves Phil breakfast one morning the next week, is much more than a little concerned. Phil won't speak-- can't speak. She doesn't even know if Phil can see that she's there. 

She finds Dan again that night and tells him what's going on. The brown-haired boy goes through an incredible amount of emotion in the span of ten minutes. He starts out numb, then begins to tear at his own hair, letting out little cries. Then his whole body goes limp, and tears seemingly explode out his eyes. Finally, he sits up straight, his face tensed and his fists shaking.

Dan is so full of emotions that he can't decide what to feel. Phil is so full of nothing that his mind begins to make things up.

And before Ruby can do anything more, Dan stands up, throwing his door open with a bang, and walks quickly through the halls. 

He doesn't even bother to knock on her door, strolls right past her secretary with a threatening stare. Mrs.Parkinson has her back facing him when he first enters the room, but he clears his throat to make her turn around. 

Mr.Howell?"  
"Fuck. You. How _dare_ you?!"  
"I'm afraid I'm not sure what you mean?"

Dan takes a step towards her, an inconceivable amount of anger brewing in his eyes. 

"Oh, I think you do. What have you done to him, huh? Because if you've hurt him, I swear... I'll kill you." 

Dan is so menacing, so sincere in his anger, that Mrs.Parkinson feels a deep rooted fear stir in her stomach. 

"We haven't done anything to him."  
"Tell me what you've done!"  
"Nothing, Daniel, step back!"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?!"

Mrs.Parkinson tries to calmly answer the boy, but his fist flies up and connects with her nose, making her stagger backwards. He goes in for another swing, connecting with her cheek, but before he can go in for a third, security is pulling his hands behind his back. 

Thank goodness her secretary had thought ahead. 

Dan continues to stare at her as he's pulled backwards. And then, she has a bright idea. 

Phil's been subdued enough, but she's afraid that Dan might still rebel. He's already done so by physically attacking her. And what's the best way to break someone?   
"Daniel, tomorrow you're excused from training. I'll have you follow me around all day. That way you can see exactly what we've "done" to Phil."

Dan looks hopeful, scared, and angry all at the same time. 

She turns around, grabbing a tissue to mop the blood away from her nose, and doesn't turn back until she hears the door to her office close. 

 

The next morning, Dan reports to the office right on time, and manages to control himself when the boss walks out, a bit of dried blood still stuck to her face. 

The two walk down the halls towards the facilities, where Phil will apparently be today. They enter the soundproof room at the back, where they can watch and hear Phil but he cannot see or listen to them. 

Guards escort him in. Dan notices that his movement is just shuffles and dragging his feet, that he can't seem to take a step. As soon as the guards let go of him, Phil sinks to the ground, sitting there with his head hanging down. A couple people come in, demonstrate their powers, and Mrs.Parkinson explains to Dan what Phil's powers are. 

It makes sense that Phil has a power like that, a power that basically allows him to help other people. It also explains how he was able to support Dan a couple months ago when they were practicing with shadows. But he doesn't seem to be helping anyone now, instead staring at the ground. 

The first shock comes when Phil looks up. His face is different. His lips are incredibly chapped, he has dark circles under his eyes. His skin is a couple shades paler and his face is thinner. His eyes are the worst, though. The color in them has faded, almost, and they show nothing but emptiness. Dan cries out, pressing his hand to the glass of the soundproof room. 

"Oh, Phil..." 

Phil starts to shudder, wrapping his arms around his body and letting out small whines. 

Dan gets up from where he sits, moving closer to the window and letting out his own whines. He thought that he had it bad... He knew that Phil wasn't in any good condition... But he couldn't have imagined this. 

Phil starts frantically moving back, letting out louder and louder screams. A guard eventually runs out, restrains his arms, yells at him that whatever he's seeing isn't real. Phil eventually calms, going back to being immobile. 

Dan cannot calm himself down. He beats his fists against the glass, yelling out Phil's name until his voice is hoarse, and then yelling some more. Finally he falls against the glass, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

Mrs.Parkinson watches this with a well-concealed smile on her face. 

She escorts Dan back to his room, and the boy is so overwhelmed that he doesn't say anything to her. He can't stop crying, reliving everything in his head. He expected Phil to be like him, full of emotions, panicking about everything with constant mood swings. Instead... Phil wasn't even there. His body was. But his mind was somewhere far away. 

Dan can't sleep that night. 

 

Mrs.Parkinson retires to the study, where a tall, strong man waits for her. 

"Greetings, Mr.Albatross," She says.  
"Call me boss."  
"Oh-- my apologies."  
"It's fine. So, what do you have for me?"  
"I'm ready. They've both gone a bit unresponsive, in different ways."  
"Alright. And you think this achievement will make the plan work?"  
"I know it will. This has all been carefully calculated, Mr.Al-- boss."  
"Is everything ready, then?"  
"Give it a week. All I have left to do is reunite them... But I'm not sure how that will go."  
"It had better go well, understand?"  
"Yes. I'll make sure of it."

The two shake hands.

Unbeknownst to Dan and Phil, both awake and shivering in their beds, their fates have been sealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lil emotional huh??
> 
> more from me:  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do (finished): quick read, heavy angst with a happy ending  
> royal blood (work): royalty au where dan is a peasant who is forced to marry prince phil
> 
> what was your favorite/least favorite part?? leave a comment!


	16. Stuck in Reverse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys!! I hope you have a great sunday :))
> 
> i have midterms tomorrow so i'm basically drowning in a pit of despair, chocolate milk, and study guides &&,, good luck to all the people who have them next week/in the near future!! (omg i need so much luck i actually can't do any math whatsoever ahh)
> 
> t/w: signs of emotional abuse (actual abuse not included)

It's early in the morning when Mrs.Parkinson winds through the hallways, making a beeline to Phil's room. She cracks open the door, not wanting to wake him before she has to, but as she steps inside she sees the boy is already awake. 

If you could call it that. 

His eyes are open, looking up, and all the lights are on. Phil is completely immobile, only blinking every once in a while. 

"Philip." Mrs.Parkinson says, but the boy shows no signs of hearing her.

"Philip!" She tries again, louder this time, and as if a flip has been switched inside him, Phil's head snaps sideways and his body gives a little tremble. As soon as he makes eye contact with Mrs.Parkinson, his eyes grow wide, fearful, almost animalistic. He scrambles back in his bed.

"Philip, I've come here to ask for your assistance."

Phil's breath is uneven and shallow, his hands gripping at each other in his lap. 

"You'll need to cooperate. Or..."

Phil squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a whine, before looking right at Mrs.Parkinson.  
"No."

And there it is, the exact reason why Mrs.Parkinson maintains that Phil has a bit of resolve left in him. He continues to protest, in his own little way, even if it's prompted by fear. In this case, however, the lack of cooperation might cause a few problems. But Mrs.Parkinson had foreseen this. It was a part of her plan, in fact. So, with a cruel smile on her face, she proceeds. 

"You know what, Lester? If you promise to cooperate with me... I'll let you see Daniel."

This seems to trigger a gut reaction in Phil. His hands stop desperately moving and seem to steady. His eyes widen, but not in fear. His shoulders slump, his posture relaxes. He lets out a sigh. 

"You really will?" His voice trembles from underuse, breaks in the middle.  
"I will. But you have to promise me you'll do whatever I say."

"I will. I promise. I need--"

"I need Dan."

"And you'll see him, Philip. But if you don't cooperate with me when the time comes... You won't see him ever again, understand?"

"I..." Phil looks down, coughs, and doesn't look up again. But Mrs.Parkinson knows that he heard her, knows that he has promised her, has bargained with her for the only thing he cares about. And it's exactly what she expected, exactly what she wanted. 

 

She leaves the room, closing the door on Phil's slumped form, and makes her way across the facilities to Dan's room. When she opens the door, Dan is sitting at the end of his bed, running his hands through his hair and trying to keep emotion off his face. 

As soon as Mrs.Parkinson calls his name, he responds, and as soon as she puts Phill in the bargain, Dan agrees to do whatever she says. It goes incredibly well, much easier than she had even dared to hope.  
When she leaves the room, Dan is sitting on the bed, a stupid smile on his face and a couple tears marking up his cheeks. 

Because Dan can fix him, right?

 

Around midday, Mrs.Parkinson comes to collect Dan. The younger boy is buzzing with energy, all his worries seemingly gone. All he can think about is seeing Phil's smile again, the way it makes his eyes crinkle and his tongue stick out between his teeth. 

He seems to have forgotten about how awful and broken Phil looked that day at training. Or maybe Dan is choosing to forget, maybe Dan is choosing to pretend like it wasn't that bad. Because Dan knows that he can fix it. Even with one look at him, a part of Phil will be restored. 

So he's feeling pretty confident when Mrs.Parkinson opens the familiar white door and the two of them step inside. 

 

Phil is awake. His eyes stare at Mrs.Parkinson and then his eyes flick over to Dan. 

And then everything is chaos. 

Phil jumps back in his bed like he's been shocked, letting out cries and shivering under his blanket. Mrs.Parkinson and Dan move closer, and Phil starts screaming. It must be Mrs.Parkinson, Dan thinks, Phil is rightly afraid of her. He turns to his boss, hissing his words. 

"You need to leave. Now."  
"Daniel, I'll have-"  
"Now."

She doesn't argue anymore, instead just walking slowly out of the room. Dan takes a step closer to Phil, who has tucked his head under the sheets. 

"Phil? I'm here. Just me."

And his body stops trembling, his breath evens out. Then he pulls his head out, stares into Dan's pretty brown eyes, and growls, scrambling back in his bed and falling onto the ground, his eyes full of primal fear. 

"Phil? It's me. It's Dan. It's okay...."

Phil crouches on the ground, peering up from the bed and staring at Dan as his body shakes and shivers. Dan steps around the base, kneeling next to Phil. He reaches out his hand to try to stop the trembling, but Phil screams, lashing out and striking Dan in the arm. 

The younger boy retreats to the door, sinking down until he's sitting on the ground, staring at his beautiful Phil, whose face is screwed up with tears dripping out of his eyes. Tears that Dan caused, even though he didn't mean to. Even though he only meant to make sure Phil was okay. 

Well. Now he knew. Phil was definitely not okay. 

So Dan just watches him cry, watches him shake and spasm and scream, knowing that he can't even speak, can't do anything to help. 

Dan starts crying too. 

Because what have they been doing? What could they have done to make the most precious, happy boy in the world into... into this?  
Something awful, that's what. 

And all Dan can do is cry for Phil, even if the older boy won't know it. 

Finally, Phil stops trembling, his eyes cloudy and vacant, and he slumps over, staring at the ceiling.  
And then, as if he's just giving up, he closes his eyes and lets himself sleep. 

Dan gets up then, when he's sure Phil is asleep, and carries him to his bed, laying him down and tucking him in. 

All is peaceful as Phil's breaths even out and Dan curls up on the floor, trying to adjust himself in a way that doesn't feel like one of his limbs is getting paralyzed. He is halfway asleep when he hears a quiet scream coming from the bed. 

And louder. And louder. 

Dan lies back against the dresser, crying in the dark. How can he fix it? How can he even _start_ to fix it? It seems like these screams will never quiet. 

And in the morning, as soon as Phil opens his eyes and sees Dan, tears explode out of his unfeeling eyes and run in rivulets down his cheek, pooling on his pillow. Dan retreats to his place in the door, still unsure of what he can do but reluctant to leave. How could he?

"Phil, it's okay. I promise you, it'll be okay."

Mrs.Parkinson comes in at one point, but Dan tells her to leave. 

"I love you, you know? A lot. So much."

The day goes by, and Phil continues to cry, as if he'll never stop. 

"It's going to be alright."

Whenever Dan speaks, Phil whimpers a little bit, like something's hurting him. The lights go out after a while, and Phil is already in bed. Dan leans against the dresser again, and again, Phil starts screaming. Just like the night before, Dan feels hopeless. 

These screams-- Dan has no idea what Phil is seeing in his nightmares, but it's enough to make him scared too. 

And then, all of a sudden, they stop. 

"Dan. Dan, Dan, Dan."  
Dan gets up, taking a step closer to the bed before realizing that Phil isn't calling to him. Phil is asleep.  
"Dan, please save me. Please... I love you."

"No, don't leave! You can't!"

Dan's heart breaks as Phil calls out in his sleep, no doubt for some dream-version of Dan who has left Phil to deal with his demons alone. 

Well, dream-Dan might have left, but real Dan won't. And, inside him, there's a small sweet of hope. Because, even if the Dan that Phil sees in his dreams is an asshole, he's seeing Dan in his dreams. And in his dreams, he calls for Dan instead of scrambling away. 

Which means that it can happen in real life, too. 

Instead of resuming his position by the dresser, he lifts the covers of the bed up and slips inside, careful not to touch the boy across from him. Phil's nightmare has ended and he's in a dreamless sleep now, his eyes closed and his face relaxed. Dan can almost pretend that it's okay, that these past few months haven't happened at all and they are lying here in this bed together, two hopeless fools in love. 

Dan wakes up first, and despite knowing that Phil is incredibly unstable, he can't bring himself to get out of his bed. He smiles at the sleeping boy, leaning in to give him a kiss on the nose while he still can. 

But he can't, because Phil's eyes pop open and he screams almost as loud as he screams in his sleep. His arm flies out from under him and grips onto Dan's, fingernails digging into the younger boy's flesh and drawing blood in little half ovals. 

Dan winces, letting out a little cry of pain, and Phil looks down and removes his hand, seeing the red marks on Dan's forearm. 

And somehow, he wakes up, his head shaking, a couple tears falling from his eyes. But this time, his eyes aren't empty, they are full, full of something besides fear and anger. They shimmer with tears, meeting Dan's worried brown eyes, and he shudders once before opening his mouth and speaking. 

"Dan... I'm so sorry." He squeezes his eyes shut, causing more water to drip down his cheeks, and Dan takes his hand, careful not to touch too much of his body.

The two lie there, Dan tracing tiny patterns into Phil's hand as the other boy works through all emotion that he hadn't been allowed to feel for months. 

Finally, he looks back at Dan, sadness still written in his face. 

"Dan, please save me. Please... I love you."  
"I will. I promise you, I will."

Dan smiles, and Phil cries, and their hands touch and everything is not quite as broken. But Phil still seems to tremble fearfully a little bit when he looks at Dan.

 

Unbeknownst to the two boys, Mrs.Parkinson stands outside, talking on the phone. 

"I think it's working. A little bit slower than I'd hoped."

"Well, yes. That may have been a misstep. But he's doing better."

"Of course, they both agreed."

"Everything is working perfectly, isn't it?"

"How fitting that their lovely attachment to each other will be the very thing that kills them in the end..."

"Yes, it's a sad ending indeed. But a happy one for us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> favorite part/least favorite part??
> 
> more from me:  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do (finished): quick read, heavy angst with a happy ending  
> royal blood (work): royalty au where dan is a peasant who is forced to marry prince phil
> 
> much love !


	17. As Your Weapon, I'll Shed Your Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, happy sunday!
> 
> my exams were hard but pretty good (i think except human geo)
> 
> i hope you all did well if you had them and if not i hope you had a good week!
> 
> THIS IS BASICALLY A SHORT ANGSTY FILLER
> 
> t/w: descriptions of emotional abuse  
> if this triggers you, this chapter contains a lot of backstory and won't progress the plot that much, so if you don't think you should read explicit descriptions you should be able to skip this one!

It's been three days, and nothing has changed. Dan and Phil have been sitting on the bed, resting their backs against the headboard at the same angle, hands joined, for what feels like forever. 

Phil hasn't stopped crying. It's like everything that he wasn't allowed to feel for the past months is spilling out from his eyes. But the crying is better than the times late at night when he just freezes, squeezing his eyes shut. 

Dan doesn't know whether to get closer or back away. He doesn't know what Phil needs.

But he makes Phil eat at least half his plate of food, he tells Phil stories from when he was a little kid, funny things that happened to him before everything else happened. He sometimes leaves the room for a couple minutes to go refill a glass of water or have a short cry himself.

Twice now, Phil has smiled, and Dan stores those times safely in his head, bringing them out for hope when Phil's mind leaves his body in the middle of the night. 

 

Dan is outside the room on one of his rare trips to get Phil a glass of water, when he sees Ruby dart out into the hallway and wave at him, putting a finger over her lips to let him know that he should be silent.

Confused, Dan walks over to her, raising his eyebrows. She grabs his wrist and pulls him into a room, a small conference area that seems pretty abandoned. Ruby turns and locks the door behind her. 

"What's going on?" Dan asks. 

Ruby turns around and she has tears in her eyes. From the pocket of her lab coat, she brings out a small notepad scribbled with notes. 

"What's that? Ruby?"  
"Dan... I was in Mrs.Parkinsons office yesterday, and this was sitting on her desk."  
"What is it?"  
"It's... kind of a journal."

Dan's eyes light up. A thousand possibilities run through his mind at once. They could figure out every plan going through her head... They could figure out what this whole institution was _really_ for. 

Except Ruby doesn't look excited. Her eyes are still watery, and she won't proper look Dan in the eye.

"A journal?" He said, trying to keep all his questions in check.  
"Well, not really..."  
"Then what?"  
"It's... I don't know how to say it..."

What could it possibly be? Dan takes a couple steps forward, puts his hands on top of the notepad.

"I don't know if you should read it, Dan..."

But nonetheless, she lets it go and Dan pulls it up in front of his face.

"techniques" is scrawled in spidery handwriting on the top page. 

What?

Dan flips to the next page, and his eyes immediately pick up the words "Philip" and "Lester".

What in the world.... and then.... oh.

 

****

1  
Mrs. Parkinson enters the room, seeing Phil pacing back and forth and scratching the back of his head.

"Mr.Lester?"

He flips around, eyes searching behind her.

"Where's Dan?" He says, struggling to keep his voice from wavering.

And it was time to begin.

"Dan doesn't want to see you." Mrs.Parkinson says, her tone even and convincing.  
"What? You said-"  
"Dan doesn't want to see you."  
"Why?"  
"I couldn't tell you. He specifically requested not to see you."

Phil looks confused, his mind already believing the easy lies that came out of Mrs.Parkinson's mouth. 

"You'll be staying in this room for a long time, Philip."  
"I don't understand..."  
"Of course not." 

 

2  
"Hello, Philip."

The boy was obviously having a bit of trouble sleeping if the bags under his eyes were anything to go by. 

"Why are you here?"  
"It's Wednesday."  
"So?"  
"So, I visit you on Wednesday."  
"Why?"  
"No reason."

Except there was one. 

"We're going to watch a movie today."

Phil, confused, doesn't reply.

It's a home movie, two parents sitting on the porch. Familiar parents. Phil's parents.

Phil rockets back on the bed, his face a mask of sudden horror. His childhood face peers out from a window in the movie, looking dejected. 

"How did you get this?!" Phil says, wheeling around to fix Mrs.Parkinson with a horrified stare. 

Mrs.Parkinson meets his eyes, and with an air of finality answers, "From the very start, you were second."

 

3  
Phil is exhausted. He is weak. He is confused about why Mrs.Parkinson appears in his room once a week with something new. 

Every time, the something makes him nervous, makes him uneasy. 

Today he wore plugs in his nose and blinds on his eyes and all his senses were dulled until the only one left was hearing. 

He jumped when he heard Dan's voice. 

"Phil."  
"Dan? Dan?" Phil called out, blind to anything but sounds.  
"I don't want to talk to you," Dan's voice says and Phil's mind races.

"Why?"  
"I don't want to talk to you."

His vision returns and Dan seems to have left the room.

"Dan," he whispers under his breath, not quite believing that the other boy would say that.

Mrs.Parkinson packs up a recorder behind her, smiling to herself at how well everything is going.

***

Dan drops the notepad onto the table, crying out in disbelief.

Ruby's hand rests comfortingly on his shoulder. "I know, Dan... It's awful."

He picks it back up, flipping the pages as his eyes catch phrases. 

"Drugs in food. Results unclear-- seems to cause confusion."  
"Reinforcing his memories with doubt"  
"Seems to be questioning his own thoughts-- often voices them aloud."  
"Threatening DOES NOT WORK!! almost scared him back into himself"  
"Family movies again, he seems to be unnerved even watching ones that he isn't in."  
"Most powerful tool-- DANIEL-- use voice, video clips-- remember no DIRECT threats!"  
"Working quickly, Lester's mind is extremely susceptible"

Dan throws the notepad down, pushing his chair out and standing up.

"Oh my god-- Oh my god..." He whimpers, wondering how much of this Phil had to go through.

"I know, Dan." Ruby says, her own eyes watering.

Dan had never thought that they had been doing anything like _this_. He had always assumed that Phil had just been anxious, that isolation had made him weak. Never had he imagined that they would actually....

But it made sense, didn't it? How confused Phil was, how scared he was of Dan at first. They had trained his mind to reject the very things he loved. 

Dan can't imagine. Suddenly, it seems a lot less likely that Phil will _ever_ recover. It seems so hopeless. 

"Ruby... I don't know if I can fix it."  
"Just-- try."  
"But.. All this..."  
"The boy loves you, Dan."

Dan pauses, his eyes downcast. 

"He's scared of me, Ruby."  
"Scared of you because they made him scared. And you know they couldn't have done that if he wasn't... If you two weren't..."

"I can't."  
"Dan, somewhere in that guy is Phil Lester."

Dan nods, pulling open the door and stepping into the hall. Forgetting about refilling Phil's water, he steps back into the room. 

The boy isn't crying. He isn't anything, really. His eyes look but don't see. Dan wonders if they've been trained like that.

Dan wonders a lot of things. Isn't this all his fault? He brought Phil here in the first place, he let them get caught. He wasn't careful and he didn't fight enough. 

Phil mouths his name but his eyes are still open-closed and no sound comes out. Dan takes a couple steps forward, and when Phil doesn't shy away, a couple more. Slowly, he envelopes the older boy in his arms. 

"Dan?" Phil says, and this time a sound does come out.  
"Phil." Dan answers, resting his chin on top of Phil's head. 

They are both crying now, Phil because he's lost his mind, Dan because he's lost the black-haired boy.

But he is determined to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was probably the shittiest thing i've ever written but i wasn't sure how to go about it
> 
> more from me:  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do (finished): quick read, heavy angst with a happy ending  
> royal blood (work): royalty au where dan is a peasant who is forced to marry prince phil (l is for love trianglesss)


	18. To Fix You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys,, i hope you all have a really good christmas no matter where you are or what you're doing :)) and if you don't celebrate christmas then i hope your holiday/break is really really cozy and nice. 
> 
> also-- this chapter, as with the last one, is a bit of a filler, I have to set up for the rest of the plot before i start it. anyway, after this chapter we're in the home stretch plot wise, which is absolutely insane. y'all are good. love

Dan locks the door from the inside. He takes a chair from the conference room and jams it up under the door handle so that even if someone were to try, they couldn't get in. 

Dan lies beside Phil all the time now, only ever moving to dart outside and grab basic necessities. He is reluctant to leave for even five minutes, worrying about Phil all the time. All he wants to do is bring back the part of Phil that still belongs to the older boy. 

It's hidden, yes, but Dan is sure that it's there. 

When Phil calls out in dreams, Dan wakes him up and calms him down, all the while talking in a calming voice and reminding Phil that he is there. 

He reminds Phil to eat and drink and sometimes just stares into the other boy's eyes, willing them to be full instead of empty. 

And slowly, painfully slowly, Phil digs within himself to find the part that he's hidden away. 

Eating no food turns into eating a couple bites turns into eating almost half the plate. Emptiness turns into awareness turn into almost there-ness. Jumping back from Dan turns into shying away from him turns into just sitting still. 

And one night when Phil calls out in his sleep and Dan wakes him up, holding both his hands and whispering calmly into his ear, Phil leans forward and rests his head on Dan's chest. 

Dan cries, rubbing his hands across Phil's back and letting tears fall down his face. 

Finally, _finally_ , he is Phil's safety after being the very thing that caused him harm for so long. 

More and more he is back, until he talks to Dan again. Quietly, in almost imperceptible tongue. He speaks of things that Dan barely understands, but Dan nods along anyway, wanting Phil to realize that he is there and always will be. 

Dan eats the food before Phil to make sure that there isn't anything in it to sedate the other boy.  
Dan pets Phil's head as he falls asleep and wishes him sweet dreams only to wake him up when he screams in his sleep.  
Dan kisses Phi's forehead one day and Phil smiles at him instead of ducking and hiding. 

Dan feels his heart explode every time Phil beams at him because he knows that the other boy is showing him the real part of him. Because Dan knows that the other boy isn't afraid of him anymore. 

Sometimes his face goes slack, sometimes he starts crying for no reason, but Dan just hugs him and feels the shoulder of his shirt grow wet with tears. He rubs the other boy's back, reminds him every five minutes that he loves him for real and forever. 

Weeks pass and Phil is almost all the way back. He still hasn't left the room, but he eats all of his food and smiles at Dan and kisses him on the forehead and the cheek on whims. 

He isn't as strong as he was, but in a way he is stronger. Dan knows that it doesn't quite make sense, but it is there. Phil is weak physically, barely able to walk. But he is so strong in his mind. He is resilient. He is almost himself again, and when he gets himself all the way back, Dan is sure he will never let himself go again. 

One morning, the boys wake up tangled in each other and smile at each other as they open their eyes and begin to stir. 

Phil makes a stupid joke-- the first one he's made since before everything happened. 

Dan bursts into tears. After everything, Phil seems like he really is back. 

Still crying, Dan lets himself be enveloped by Phil as the other boy whispers in his ear. Dan recognizes some of Phil's words as ones that he used to whisper to Phil after waking him up from a bad dream. 

They beam at each other, and for the first time in a long time Dan really thinks that everything might turn out alright. 

"Let me get us breakfast, okay?"  
"Okay. Bring me eggs?"  
"I'll try."

Dan is still smiling as he swiftly removes the chair and steps outside, swinging the door shut behind him and turning around. 

His eyes meet Mrs.Parkinson's. 

It's the first time that Dan's seen her since he figured out what she had been doing to Phil, and he takes a couple of steps forward, opening his mouth to yell at her, but he doesn't know what to say. 

He takes another step forward, fists swinging at his sides. The amount of hatred that feels for the woman in front of him is insurmountable. 

She ruined his life, more than he already had. She doomed him to a life of killing people for unclear reasons. She ruined Xavi's life and Cate's life and every single child's life whom she kidnapped off the streets. 

Mostly, she had ruined Phil's. Beyond training him and using him, she had broken him. Broken him badly. Dan had seen his entire personality change in the course of two months, ask it had taken much longer than that for him to find himself again. 

If Mrs.Parkinson thought that she would ever be seeing Phil again, she was mistaken. Dan would stand in front of the door, block her. He would use his shadows. He would self-destruct. 

But she would _not_ get to him. 

"Daniel," she begins, and Dan narrows his eyes, "You're needed for a job."

Stunned, Dan involuntarily takes a step back. After everything, he had never really thought that he would be doing jobs. He didn't really know what he thought he would be doing-- but killing people was morbidly routine. 

And these past few months had been anything but routine. Dan could not, _would not_ go back to killing people on top of a roof. 

Especially not if he was expected to leave Phil alone in his room. 

"No," Dan replies, glaring at Mrs.Parkinson, "I'm not leaving Phil here."

The boss smiles, sending chills down Dan's spine. She should not be smiling at his refusal. She should be glaring, she should be angry. She should try to bargain with him, she should scream. 

But instead, she opens her mouth to speak. 

"Philip will be going with you. You compliment each other, don't you think? He gives you much needed control."

It doesn't even take a second for Dan to refuse outrightly.

"You must be crazy. After everything you've done to us, to him? No. No way in _hell_."  
"Oh, Dan, you're so naive. Don't you know who has the power? Me. I can isolate your little friend. I can reteach him everything I taught him. I can make him fear you again, it wouldn't be hard."

Dan is speechless. He'd like to believe that Phil could withstand anything, but the boy is still breakable, still fragile. And Dan couldn't bear it, knowing what they were doing to him. 

So he supports the older boy through the halls, crying as he trie stop explain what's going on. 

Phil stops to wipe Dan's tears away with his thumb, and Dan is reminded of a time that they sat on Phil's bed and talked and he did the same. He puts both his arms around Phil and breathes him in, whispering in his ear. 

"Promise me you won't leave."  
"Promise."

Dan loops his arm round Phil's shoulder blades and they keep walking, Phil insisting that it's not Dan's fault and that he needn't cry.  
Dan cries anyway. 

They load up onto the jet, holding hands as the scientists feed them sleeping pills. When they wake up, Phil lets out a cry as he sees the city. Dan remembers that it's the first time Phil's seen it since Dan took him from it almost six months ago. 

Dan places his arm on Phil's shoulder, and the two look at each other with expressionless faces. 

Using his shadows, Dan floats them down to the roof. He still has his arm around Phil's shoulder, not sure if the older boy will be able to stand for very long by himself. 

The two lean into each other as Dan concentrates on locating the shadows of living, breathing people.

"It's alright, Dan."  
"No, it's not..."  
"I know. But we have to pretend, okay?"  
"...Okay."

And so Dan pretends that he is just leaning against Phil on a roof, like the second time they ever talked.  
And so Phil pretends that he's hiding his head in Dan's chest after waking up from a nightmare. 

It's hard to keep pretending when a scream rings out from below, when chaos seems to take control. 

But the boys keep trying, because what else can they do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this was short, but i've written a pretty long chapter of royal blood this week to make up for it xo
> 
> more from me:  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do (finished): quick read, heavy angst with a happy ending  
> royal blood (work): royalty au where dan is a peasant who is forced to marry prince phil (pining m8 pining)


	19. Stun and Stammer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry this is a bit late, i was out in west virginny having a lil ski and had no wifi. 
> 
> i hope you all enjoy! i love you !!

The Lesters are up on the West Side of Stone Line City, having a lunch all together as James is home from university for the long weekend. 

They hadn't been up to the city for a while, but since there hadn't been any attacks in a while they decided it was pretty safe. At least for the afternoon. 

It's around 12 pm, and the Lesters have been driving around the touristy parts of the city. They park along the street and cross it to go into their old favorite diner, "The Golden Spoon". The sun shines brightly and the line to order is reasonably short, and the Lesters chat amongst themselves as they wait. 

It's just smalltalk, about the weather and James's math class and the song playing from the overhead speaker. They never really cover the subject of their virtually missing youngest son. If the conversation ever seems like it's headed that way, one of them changes the subject. 

It's not that they don't love Phil-- they do. 

Mrs. Lester has had a couple good cries over him, even before he left. All she wanted was a good relationship with her boys, but Phil was so different from her that she didn't know where to begin.

Mr. Lester remembers teaching the boy how to cook cake when he was still a toddler. He wonders where those loving moments went. 

James has a drawer in his dorm room full of Phil's childhood drawings. 

All three are sad that they missed out on Phil now that he's gone, but they don't think he'll return. 

They don't like to talk about it. 

So they order, take the table number, and sit down by the window, all three on the same side of the booth because that's how they always sit. 

(Phil always sat on the other side, even as a kid, but nobody mentions that.)

A television hangs in the corner, playing an old movie with subtitles on. The Lesters talk more about trivial things, thank the waiter when he brings them their sandwiches. 

"Oh, it's so nice to be back in the city," Mrs. Lester beams.   
"Indeed. I've always loved Stone Line," Mr. Lester replies.

James, engrossed in the movie, nods and takes a bite of his BLT. 

A girl is walking through the halls of a high school, her shoes hovering a couple inches off of the ground. Looking back, she realizes that a couple of other girls are following her, going invisible every time she turns around. 

Suddenly, she starts running, and then-- 

Static? The subtitles are longer displayed. 

The owner of the diner rushes out, quieting everybody and turning up the television. 

Oh. Oh _no_.

City Hall has the power to override radio and television when they need to make announcements, and, sure enough, the mayor's shrill voice echoes around the room. 

"Citizens on the Northwest side of the city and surrounding areas-- please evacuate immediately. We have detected suspicious object in the sky, similar to the pattern that occurs before an attack. If you are unable to evacuate, please go into the safest place you can think of. I repeat-- Citizens on the Northwest side, please--"

People all around the diner begin to buzz and murmur in fear. They're on the West side, but the attacks have been known to spread before. 

The owner tries to quiet the crowd, but to no avail. Finally, after a couple of tries, she gets everyone's attention. 

"Excuse me-- everyone! This is a safe place from attacks! We have bulletproof glass and a room at the back that is equipped with a live television so we can continue to monitor the progress of the attacks. If you could all just calmly form a line..."

The air of quiet dissipates quickly and there's no amount of calm as everybody rushes towards the room at the back all at once. 

Still slightly in awe of how unlucky they are, the Lesters are the last ones to enter the room, and consequently the closest to the television. All the channels are showing the same thing-- live coverage of the attack with the same warning that the mayor said on the bottom of the page. 

Amateur cameras that reporters and crew members probably grabbed with no time to spare are zooming in on the roof where the Lynx is descending. 

There are flecks of dirt on the lens and the video is hazy around the edges, as if it's a found-footage movie, but the reality is so much worse. 

Staring closely at the screen, James realizes that another figure is standing directly behind the Lynx, and the Lynx is holding out an arm in front of him. The camera does another sloppy zoom, and finally focuses on the villains face. 

People begin to murmur when they see that tears are streaming down his face, but the Lesters gasp for a different reason. Because the other figure-- they recognize his face. That's Phil; his nose, his shaggy hair, his lips and his eyes... but something about him seems off. 

"They must have taken him..." Mr. Lester muses angrily.

James gasps again. All this time he had been thinking that his brother just ran away, but to think that a super villain might have kidnapped him? Might've _changed_ him from who he once was? That was almost unthinkable. 

And it raised a dozen questions all at once. Why would they target _Phil_? And once they figured out that he doesn't have a power-- why would they keep him?

No matter the answers, James is filled to the brim with anger. Though they haven't spoken in a long time, they are still brothers, and James still feels protective over him, just like he did when he saw Phil being bullied at school. 

But this time he is determined not to just stand by and watch with a heavy heart. 

He turns around and faces his parents, but before he can open his mouth, his father does. 

"No, James. You have to keep yourself safe."  
"I have to help him!" James hisses, "He's my brother! He's your son!"  
"And I can't lose you both," Mrs. Lester says, softer.

It's almost enough to convince James. Almost. 

The older brother turns and, before anyone can stop him, he runs out the door and through the entrance of the deli. 

Confused muttering goes up in the crowd huddled in the back room, and the Lester parents share a look of helplessness. All they can do now is watch, and wait. And hope that James doesn't get hurt. 

James runs through the streets, barely registering how deserted the city looks. He hears the faint sounds of chaos and lets it be his guide. Finally, he turns a corner and at the end of the street he sees a black cloud and hears screams and sobs. 

Up in the sky, James sees a crowd of designated city cops, hovering and trying to find a way into the cloud. Without giving it a second thought, James lifts off the ground and shoots into the sky towards them. 

 

Dan and Phil are wrapped up in each other, grips like steel on each other. Phil is practically hanging off of Dan's arms, and Dan is leaning into Phil's shoulders, trying to calm his sobs. Phil reaches up to wipe tears away, and Dan notes that his hand is shaking uncontrollably. 

Dan is unfocused, scared not only for himself but for Phil. 

Where Dan has grown weaker, his shadows have grown much stronger. They are dark, dense, ruthless. 

Dan cannot control them, not when he's thinking too much about everyone whom he's putting in danger, not when he's thinking about Phil. Phil, who he can feel getting colder next to him. 

Phil shouldn't be seeing this, not after everything. 

Dan loses it more, and more, and more. Tears begin to blur his vision, and he can't tell if it's him shaking or if it's Phil. 

He begins to sink towards the ground, and his shadows begin to come undone. 

Phil, seeing this, digs his nails into Dan's arm to keep his eyes open. 

"Dan!"

Dan looks up at the boy standing above him. "Phil?"  
"Dan you have to pretend, do you hear me? You _have to_!"  
"... I can't."

Phil bends down, taking Dan's jaw in his hands. 

"This is-- beyond horrible. But if we can't... If we don't... Then this will all be over. Do you hear me, Dan?!"

"I-- I, yeah...."

It is less the words Phil says and more the way he says them that makes Dan stand up and blink the tears out of his eyes. Phil's eyes were all the way full of Phil, the way they were before everything. Phil's grip was kind but firm, his hands soft and guiding. 

Dan sniffs once, then brings his attention back to the shadows. 

 

James joins the cops at the outer edge of the shadow mass. They don't seem to notice him, or if they do they don't care. 

They are trying to elbow their way in to the outer part of the dense mass, using brute force and sheer determination. James decides to fly around the outer edge, and when he gets near the roof's edge he notices that the shadows are thin. 

The shadows are thin, and from the looks of it they're getting thinner. Taking a deep breath, James dives in. 

Immediately, he's confused. All sides look the same. A feeling of raw fear overtakes him as he realizes that this could be it. Up until this point James had felt almost invincible-- he could save his brother, hell, he could save the whole city. 

In the inner membrane of Dan's shadow cell, James realizes how powerful the Lynx is. His chest feels like it's compressing when he hears a noise. A muffled word, but he recognizes his brother's voice. Turning his body towards where the noise had come from, James fights his way through the shadows. 

More noises begin, his brother's alternating with some else's, and he keeps moving slowly that way. 

As he gets closer, he begins to make out single words. 

"pretend" "can't" "horrible "over" "hear me?!" "Dan!"

And then he sees it. It's a hazy picture, worse than the camera footage he had been watching on the deli's tv, but he can see what's happening. 

His brother and the Lynx are pressed up against each other, whispering, and all at once the Lynx screams in frustration. 

The shadows immediately solidify, leaving James to fight even harder through them. 

Through his blurry lens he can see Phil sink to the ground, and the villain calls out his name. 

How does he know it? And why does he sound so caring that Phil has fallen? And why-- why the _hell_ is Phil on this fucking roof?! His brother doesn't have a power, can't possibly be benefitting the Lynx in any way. 

"Phil, I need you to--" the Lynx chokes out.

"Dan..." Phil replies, and James raises his eyebrows in confusion. 

 

Dan beds down and takes Phil's hands in his.   
"Phil, what's wrong? What's wrong?"  
"Nothing-- I just... I just... I don't know if I can..."

Dan leans down and wraps both his arms around the other boy, releasing control for a moment. 

"Stand up love, and this will be over quicker, hmm?"  
"Yeah... yeah."

Dan and Phil have taken turns falling, have taken turns pulling each other up. 

In the last five minutes, and in the last five months. 

 

James, for his part, is very confused. He sees the Lynx hug his brother and pull him up, but can't make out the words passing between the two. 

Moving closer, the shadows begin to clear more and more. 

"Ready, Phil?"  
"No..."  
"Me neither."

"1...2...3..."

Phil reaches out and grabs the villain's arm, and suddenly the shadows solidify and turn into something absolutely lethal. James is shot backwards, but starts flying forward quickly enough that he propels himself out of the shadows and is finally given a clear picture of his brother.

The tears that James has seen on television seem even more heart-wrenching in real life. They pour off of the Lynx's face, which is turned sideways, staring into the eyes of Phil. 

Phil, who is also sobbing uncontrollably as well, sinks into the Lynx's arms and buries his head in the taller one's neck. 

"PHIL!" James yells, and Phil rockets back, his eyes wide as he stares at his older brother. 

"Phil, I'm here to save you. Come on!"  
"No! Don't hurt Dan, please..."

Dan? Who the hell is Dan?

And why is Phil leaning on the Lynx? Is it some kind of bizarre Stockholm Syndrome?

"Phil, he's a villain!"  
"If he is, I am too!"  
"What?!"

James looks around and processes the way that the shadows are avoiding him. Remembers the way everything stabilized when Phil touched the Lynx. 

Could it be that Phil... That he has a power after all?

"Phil, you're hurting people! You're working with evil!"

Phil gives him a look, a look that carries so much emotion that James can't even begin to process it. Phil is looking at him and it's so clear that his heart has been shattered by something. 

A small cry escapes his lips, and the Lynx puts an arm protective in front of him, saying something in a hushed tone. 

"Do you think I'm oblivious, James?"

"Phil, please..."

Phil looks down, and the Lynx looks up, opening his mouth to speak. 

"Do you think he wants this? Do you think I do?"

The villains voice sounds different than James would have expected. Instead of crackly and chipped, it is honey smooth, crisp and warm. And the words he speaks-- what does he mean? Of course Phil doesn't want this, but to think that the super villain doesn't want to kill people?

Then why the hell is he?

Phil shudders, his grip tightening on the younger boy's arm. 

"Dan... I can't-- I don't think I can go much longer."

The Lynx kisses Phil's forehead and puts his hand on his cheek, and James almost feels like he's intruding on a private moment. Like he should look away. 

"Phil....?"

Phil looks up at him again, his face hardened and resolved but still hiding heartbreak beneath it. He gets up, helps the Lynx up, takes a sep closer to the edge to say something to his brother. 

"James... This isn't what you think."  
"Then what is it?!"  
"I'll come home someday, okay? I'll explain."  
"When?"  
"Someday. I promise."

The Lynx speaks again. "After Phil lets go, we're leaving. I suggest you leave right now if you don't want to be sucked up in my shadows."

Phil half-smiles. "Bye, James."

Phil's grip begins to loosen, and after the Lynx gives him a look, James drops in the sky. 

True to his word, as soon as Phil lets go of the younger boy's arm, the shadows condense and zip away, leaving death, destruction, and questions in their wake. And no Phil. And no villains. 

 

Except-- the Lynx didn't seem like a villain. 

So who is the real mastermind?

And why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how would you feel if i got tumblr like would you care
> 
> more from me:  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do (finished): quick read, heavy angst with a happy ending  
> royal blood (work): royalty au where dan is a peasant who is forced to marry prince phil


	20. From the Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr!! (buzzlester.tumblr.com)
> 
> 20th chapter already??? we're all dying shit

Dan and Phil safely return to the jet, but barely at that. Both boys can barely keep their eyes open, and their bodies are shuddering and shaking. Even the scientists who have been ignoring the conditions of the villains for years now almost falter at the sight. 

One scientist reaches out to inject Phil, but Dan pulls him back and hisses. 

"Don't touch him!"

So they sedate Dan first, then tend to Phil. 

The boys lie together on cheaply made hospital cots, forcibly sleeping, bodies pale and shuddering. 

When they get back to the institute and their eyes reluctantly open, Dan immediately rolls over and hugs himself into Phil. Even though he's exhausted and ready to break, he knows that Phil has to be feeling worse. 

Phil, the most fundamentally good person Dan had ever met, had just assisted Dan in killing hundreds of innocent people. 

The step off the blimp and onto the roof of the institute. Dan supports Phil as they walk towards the door, followed by people in lab coats and people in all black, all meant to sedate them and keep them from doing any harm to anyone in the institute. 

Usually, Dan would refuse to move for a while, stare up at the artificially black not-sky. Usually, he would flip off the security guards that informed him that he was going to go to solitary for a week, deny to himself that he would comply with them until he already had. 

But not today. The guards let him walk to the door, so he and Phil must not have to go to solitary. 

Small mercies. 

But maybe they aren't so merciful after all, because as soon as the doors swing open, Dan and Phil are greeted by another crowd of lab coats. Standing in front of them all is the boss herself, Mrs. Parkinson. 

She's grinning like the Cheshire Cat, grinning when she looks at how wrecked Dan and Phil are, and Dan wants to slap the stupid smile off of her face. But he can't do that, so he holds his head high, tightening his grip on Phil's waist. 

"Excuse me," he says, unable to keep the wavering out of his voice. Mrs. Parkinson tries to speak, but Dan walks around her and moves through the crowd of scientists. 

"It's alright, Phil, we're just gonna go, okay? She won't stop us," Dan whispers to Phil, who nods slightly. 

 

Mrs. Parkinson lets them go. She'll talk to them later, she's in too good of a mood to stop them now. 

Today had been a huge success. The boys had performed amazingly, working together in perfect unison, and she can't help but to credit her methods. She had estimated that they would perform better, but the stats had come in and they had blown her estimate out of the park. 

She'll let them feel safe for a couple hours. 

 

Dan and Phil hobble down the stairs, winding through the halls. 

Dan doesn't think he can spend another night in hopeless tears, so he leads them towards Xavi's room. 

Xavi opens the door after a couple knocks, an annoyed expression on his face that disappears when he sees that it's Dan and Phil standing in front of him. And not just any Dan and Phil either-- they look absolutely wrecked. 

He all but drags them inside, pushing the doors closed behind him. 

Cate, sitting on his bed, lets out a little gasp of horror when she sees the boys's state.

"Oh, Dan," she says, "what's happened?"

Dan sits down, propping Phil up on the headboard. He looks the black-haired boy over, relieved to see his color returning and his eyes opening. 

"We, er-- Mrs. Parkinson had us do a job."  
"She made _Phil_?" Xavi gasps, and Dan nods in return. 

"Shit, Dan. Shit."  
"I know."

The four sit in silence for a while, and Cate is the first to break the silence. 

"Well, now we really do have to get out."

Xavi nods, and Dan grabs Phil's hand. "But how?"

They discuss the plan that they had already formed, a plan that was badly-thrown together, just something to dream about when they couldn't sleep. There are too many holes in it for it to work; namely the fact that Dan might not be able to control himself for a long time. 

Xavi is the one who brings this subject up, and to everyone's surprise Phil answers him. 

"But I- I can control him. I'm a manipulate."

Cate's eyes widen. "That's-- that's perfect! What luck!"

Xavi smiles too, and Phil even manages a half-hearted grin, but Dan's face just becomes more guarded. 

"No. No, not after today. Phil needs to be safe. He needs to stay here. I can't-- I won't let him go out there again."

Xavi and Cate look at each other in confusion, but have no means to change Dan's mind. Again, it's Phil who breaks the silence, but this time his words are chosen carefully and with much conviction. 

"I want to. I need to. We have to get out of here-- I don't know how much longer I can last, and you all have been here ten times as long. The sooner we just... The sooner we get out of here... The sooner we can all be alright."

Phil grabs Dan's hand, looks him in the eye. "Dan, I promise I'm alright. We have to do what we have to do."  
"I... alright. Alright. Let's do it."

For the rest of the night, the four map out a plan. 

Dan and Phil usually get at least one day's worth of notice before a job, so they'll inform Xavi and Cate the day before the plan will take place. Xavi and Cate will get up on the day of the job at 4:30, one hour before the security guards get in position. 

They'll be as quiet as possible and stow away in back room of the jet, where Dan has never seen anybody go. 

Everything will proceed as normal, with Dan and Phil boarding the jet and being put to sleep for an hour. They'll descend onto a rooftop, Dan will raise the shadows up, and Phil will grab his arm and give him control.

And once he gets control, instead of beginning to destroy the citizens below, they'll ascend into the sky and rebound the jet, using Dan's shadows to threaten any scientists that are on board. 

Xavi and Cate will come out of hiding then, help Dan and Phil secure the jet. 

Then, they will leave, float down to the rooftop below, stand together and address the crowd below. They will tell their stories to the crowd and the cameras, they will expose the agency, they will clear their names.

Then they will be able to float down below, to find homes or go home. To watch the sun rise and set from rooftops. 

 

After the plan has been agreed upon, the four sit in silence. Each of them are remembering what it was like to be a citizen of the world and not just of the agency. Precious memories that have been stored away are making appearances in each of their minds.

Xavi is thinking of his mom and his sister, the only family he remembers. He and his sister used to spend hours braiding his mother's hair, marveling at how long and thick it was. Xavi had been taken one night as he walked home from his friend Michael's house. He wonders what his family thinks happened to him.

Cate is thinking of her grandmother, a fragile woman whom she used to visit every Saturday night. Her grandmother told her stories, myths and legends and gossip she had heard her live-in-nurse say on the phone. 

Phil is thinking of his room, his roof. He wonders if his parents and his brother have been inside. He wonders whether or not they have ever missed him. He decides that he's missed them. 

Dan doesn't know what he should think about. There is no room that he loves, nobody who misses him. So instead, he thinks of a memory from when he was still little and everything was still alright. 

Dan and Sandy had been playing with Sandy's chemistry set, making purple and pink and yellow mixtures that tasted as horrible as they sounded. Sandy spent hours making one thing, which turned out a lovely shade of blue and tasted like bubblegum. 

Dan was jealous when his parents cooed over it, telling Sandy that it matched his eyes. But they had taking sips of Dan's weird brown mixture too, kissing his forehead and telling him that it tasted like the best thing in the world even though Dan knew it tasted like puke. 

 

Dan and Phil get up, say goodbye to Xavi and Cate, and open the door to leave. 

Dan decides that he'll walk Phil back to his room, because even though the other boy seems a lot better, Dan isn't sure whether he's fully recovered. 

They turn a corner, and almost bump into Mrs. Parkinson. She stops them with a hand held out, smiling uncharacteristically. Dan shoves Phil behind him as a protective measure, and stares down the boss. 

"Let us by."  
"Sure, I just need to inform you of one thing!"

Dan's eyes narrow. Something is wrong. 

"..What?"  
"You two have a job tomorrow at six am! Be ready!"

Dan's brain short circuits. For a moment he doesn't quite register what she's saying, and when he does his face darkens. 

"You can't possibly-"  
"Actually, I can."

Dan growls, his fists tightening at his sides. But then he hears Phil make a little whimpering sound behind him, and diverts his attention. 

"Oh," he speaks softly, "Oh, Phil, don't cry..."  
"I'm okay, I just-- I thought--" 

Forgetting that Mrs. Parkinson is standing there, Dan kisses Phil's forehead. 

She clears her throat, and Dan whirls around again, right hand encircling Phil's left. 

"Tomorrow. Six AM. Be there... Or..." She finishes with a laugh, turning around and walking down the hall; going around a corner and disappearing. 

Dan opens the door to Phil's room, and the older boy immediately begins crying. Dan can't keep the tears off of his face either. They had made a plan, they had had hope, everything had seemed so impossibly... _okay_ for the first time in so long. 

As the moon rises in a sky that Dan and Phil can't see, they clutch at each other's hair and shirts and skin, tears pooling their eyes and winding down their cheeks. 

They can't possibly sleep. They can't even tell Xavi and Courtney. 

 

Tomorrow. Six AM. This is it, isn't it?

This is it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>> buzzlester.tumblr.com <<<<
> 
> more from me  
> royal blood- dan, a peasant; and phil, a prince, are forced to get married. dan falls for two brothers at once, and gets involved with a plot to bring down the castle.  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do- reality!fic in which dan knows that phil is in love with him and doesn't feel the same. but as he realizes his own feelings, phil's slowly disappear. happy ending.


	21. Today the Headlines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey loves i've had somewhat of a crazy weekend so please excuse how late this is!
> 
> come say hi on tumblr: buzzlester

Televisions blasting the news are on all over the city and all throughout the suburbs. Ever since the day that James had flown up to the roof to try to rescue Phil, the Lesters had kept their antenna up and their doors locked. 

They were still trying to figure out exactly what was going on between their son and the villain. 

"I'm Barry Long and this is ADN news, Stone Line City's premiere news network."   
The anchor says his tagline without the usual enthusiasm. Everybody knows what news network they're watching, and nobody cares who's narrating it. 

What people care about is when the next attack will come. 

The streets are bare, stores closed, and offices empty. People who live in the city call relatives in the suburbs or try to hide out in their basements. 

The attacks have been going on every day for two straight weeks. 

The news has permanent cameras set up on every high rooftop, and cops prowl the streets all day and all night. But the cameras just seem to make people more afraid, and everyone knows that the cops are unable to stop the Lynx and his new accomplice. 

Citizens of Stone Line City are living from day to day-- running outside to get food and praying that they won't be stopped, calling family members who live far away and explaining the situation, watching the news and monitoring the cameras. 

 

The Lesters grab their food without speaking and sit down on the sofa across from the television. 

"As you all will know," Barry Long says, "the attacks have been almost non-stop these past weeks."

"Before, we could always count on the fact that the Lynx's attacks were short, and few between. But his new accomplice seems to be prolonging the amount of time he can use his power-- making the two together a deadly team."

Mrs.Lester wrings her hands together. 

"Rumors are going around that the Lynx's new accomplice is a manipulate; someone who has control over other's powers. From what we have seen, it's safe to bet that these rumors are very true."

Despite the fact that their son is working with a villain and using his powers for evil, Mr. and Mrs. Lester can't help but to be the slightest bit proud of their son. 

"Now, moving on to the oddities of which we have detected. Our heavy-duty cameras are able to zoom quite far in on the faces of the villains, and what we have seen is quite perplexing."

A clip takes up the TV screen. It's of Dan and Phil holding onto each other, looking utterly defeated with tears rolling down their faces. They seem to be talking to each other, but the words that they are saying are impossible to make out.

"The two seem very reluctant to carry out the attacks, often crying as they go on. On Wednesday our sound crew picked up this byte of the Lynx..."

Barry's face turns neutral as the sound of wind begins to play. 

Hardly decipherable, and yet there, is the sound of Dan shouting "I'm sorry!".

"Exhaustion is a viable theory of why the two could be crying; I imagine it's quite draining to carry these attacks out every day. Another theory is that the act is physically painful for the villains. Perhaps their powers make them feel the exact pain that they are causing their victims."

Barry nods, sniffing. 

"That's all for this hour, folks. Remember to get to safe space and stay there!"

 

James reaches for the remote and switches off the TV. The Lesters stare at it's blank screen for a moment, processing the situation. 

"You don't think it really is exhaustion, do you?" Mr. Lester asks his eldest son.   
"No... I saw them on the top of that building... And they were crying for something else."  
"And not because they feel the pain?"   
"No. Phil told me that he didn't want to kill them..."

"But then why would he?"

James doesn't answer. Nobody does. Nobody knows what's true and what's false. 

 

The phone rings from the kitchen, and Mrs. Lester gets up to answer it. 

"Oh, hello Jeanine! I haven't heard from you in a while!" She says brightly. 

The voice on the other end is muffled through the receiver, but the rest of the family can still clearly make out the words. 

"Hello, Katherine. I've just been watching the news..."  
"Oh, so have we. It's so awful."  
"Yes, well, I thought I recognized your son in one of those shots?"  
"Um... I'm sure you didn't..."  
"I think so! Same black hair and blue eyes that I remember."  
"No, Phil wouldn't do such a thing," Maryanne says nervously.  
"Are you sure? Do you know where your son is?"  
"Yes. He's just here at home. Goodbye, Jeanine."

Mrs. Lester hangs up, sighing. 

It wasn't the first phone call and it wouldn't be the last. 

She walks back into the living room, where James and Mr. Lester are still talking about the possible reasons Phil could have for killing people.

"I still think he's being blackmailed," James insists, spooning peas into his mouth. 

"But by whom? Obviously not by the Lynx..."  
"Well, maybe the Lynx is being blackmailed too!"

"But with what? What could be used to blackmail both of them?"  
"Who knows..."

"Well, it's an interesting theory anyways."

James nods, clearing the dishes and retreating upstairs to his room. 

His parents continue the conversation downstairs. 

"Do you really think he's being blackmailed?" Mrs. Lester asks.   
"Maybe. There would have to be a lot at stake though, for him to kill people."

"I can't help but to be proud of him, you know?"  
"Yeah. He is our son, after all. I only wish we had just... Shown him we love him more."  
"Me too. I knew he was lonely... But I just never did anything about it."  
"Hopefully he'll come home. And then we can fix this."

"You know what? I would still love him, even if he really didn't have anything. Do you think he knows that?" 

"No. But maybe, someday, we'll tell him."

 

Lying in a bed, shivering beneath 3 layers of blankets, Phil curls silently into Dan's neck. 

They both shiver every couple seconds. Despite being physically warm, the shock of what they're doing freezes them up inside. 

The exhaustion is taking it's toll on their bodies, making their joints ache. It's taking it's toll on their minds too. Dan and Phil are slow to wake, confused and muddled. But Dan is determined to keep them both sane. 

Dan knows that Mrs. Parkinson is trying her very hardest to break their morale, to make them weak puppets who can't resist carrying out her orders. 

He won't let them turn into mindless pieces in her game. He talks to Phil, jokes lightly in the middle of the night. He kisses the boy, reminds him that everything is alright. He cries, only realizing it when he finds his pillow wet underneath him. 

 

Mrs. Parkinson has made a grave mistake. In trying to break the boys and tear them apart, in trying to make them exhausted and weak... She has made their bond grow stronger. She has made their minds sharp, even if their limbs are slow. 

On this day, the day of the fifteenth consecutive attack, Dan has finally had enough. 

He sobs, not because of exhaustion, but because he is well and truly through. His body is shaking, and he isn't sure how much longer his mind can stay alive. He tries to hide his raw emotions from Phil, but the other boy has none of it. 

Brushing Dan's arm and lightly joking with him, Phil does the talking for the first time in a long time. 

At first, Phil's words are just hollow renditions of what Dan has said previously, but as the boy keeps talking, his words gain depth. 

Phil talks about the night sky, and how beautiful he remembers it being. He tells Dan that the longer they fight it, the better chance they have of seeing the stars twinkling above their heads. 

Dan pulls the other boy close, breathing him in lie oxygen. 

They lie there, in the warm room, tears falling and hopeful words spoken. 

 

In the midst of all the breaking, Dan and Phil are determined to stay whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short af but up next we have the ending sequence && i'm really excited! can you believe that there are only five more chapters ?!?!
> 
> tumblr- buzzlester (come say hi!!)


	22. Tomorrow the Hard Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early update because I'm out of town w/ no wifi this weekend and didn't procrastinate !! :)
> 
> buzzlester.tumblr.com

Mrs. Parkinson stands in her office, facing the wall behind her desk. 

"Yes, sir. I know, sir."

She is talking on the phone, and a older male voice replies to her slowly and deliberately. Before Mrs. Parkinson dared to call him, she had made sure that the halls were empty, her doors were locked, and her secretary was on a day trip to scout possible locations around the city. 

Dan and Phil could have another hour of sleep before she woke them up and prepped them for the day. 

She can tell that the boys are exhausted, but their limits haven't yet been reached. And she'll keep pushing them until they can't be pushed anymore. 

"So, you really think this is working?" The voice on the other end of the call says.   
"Yes. Already the citizens are living in fear. Imagine what we can do once the boys continue attacks for the next couple weeks!"  
"And you're sure?"  
"Yes. Wasn't I right about the methods we used on the Lester boy?"

A slow hum echoes from the other end. 

"That is true. But humans are surprisingly resilient..."  
"Trust me, sir, this plan is foolproof."  
"Go through it again. We need to make sure that absolutely nothing can go wrong."

Footsteps echo through the hall, and Mrs Parkinson lowers her voice to a whisper. 

"Yes sir. The first part of the plan, which is almost fully pulled off, is to make the citizens of Stone Line City feel afraid. We need to make it so that they will do anything to get out of the present situation."  
"And you think the shade and the manipulate have done it?"  
"Almost perfectly, sir."  
"Go on."

Mrs. Parkinson takes a deep breath before she continues. 

"Then, when the citizens have given up hope, when they truly believe that these attacks will never end... we send Lester and Howell once more."  
"And why?"  
"So that you and I can turn up to defeat them, sir. Once the citizens see that we hold the key to defeating the villains, they will hail us as heroes. They will turn to us for hope. We will be able to take over the city, and our rule will spread and spread."  
"And if that doesn't work?"  
"We carry a double bladed sword, sir. If the citizens don't respond to hope, they will respond to threats."

The man clears his throat, seemingly thinking it over. 

"Hmm. I must say, this plan is very well thought out."  
"Thank you, sir."  
"That will be all. Now, go wake your boys up. They have a job to do. And so do we."  
"Yes, sir. Of course."

Mrs. Parkinson hangs up, staring at her phone for a moment before snapping into action. She unlocks her doors, dusts off her blouse, and turns into the hallway. 

It takes five minute to get from Mrs. Parkinson's office to Howell's room, which is where the scientist reported Dan and Phil had spent the night. 

Wrapped up in each other like a cocoon, covers coming up to their waists, it's hard to tell which boy is which. 

Mrs. Parkinson doesn't look at them as she claps her hands and flickers the lights to rouse them. Part of her aches for these boys, wants them to be safe and warm and unharmed. 

But another part of her wants to please her boss, to increase her power. 

And, for some people, power is greater than any sort of love. 

Dan wakes up first, groggy and coughing. His eyes are unfocused, with large purple bags hanging under them. Phil opens his eyes bt does not move his body, instead just murmuring and wincing in some sort of unseen pain. 

"Wake up, boys! You know the drill." 

And they do. This will be their twentieth consecutive day of attacks. 

The exhaustion is indescribable. They only talk if they have to, keeping their eyes half shut because the lights are too painful to stare at. 

The boys pull on jackets over the nondescript shirts they slept in, grabbing hands as they walk through the door and down the hall, surrounded by lab coats. 

Walking quickly across the roof and onto the jet, Dan and Phil lie down and welcome the sleep serum. Any chance they have to close the eyes, they will take. 

Dan is shaky on his descent. His eyes are even more shut than usual, and Phil's lost so much control of himself that he can hardly give any to Dan. The boys such down on the roof, hands clamped together as a coping mechanism. 

The city is vacant. Buildings that they have destroyed in the past three weeks are visible from their current rooftop, inexplicable stains litter the street along with paper bags that roll slightly in the wind. 

Dan holds out his arms, targeting the closest building he can see. Phil grabs on trying to focus his mind and keep Dan safe. 

The sky opens up, droplets raining down on the boys as they shake and shudder. 

Dan has yet to summon a single shadow, and Phil can't handle directing Dan's power for much longer. 

It turns out he won't have to, as Dan's eyes roll into his head and his body almost sinks backwards. 

Phil catches him, but his weak arms lead them both toppling onto the ground. Dan's eyelids shut, his body twitches. Phil cries out, trying to shake Dan awake. 

The twenty seconds it takes for Dan to come to feel like 20 days. When he does open his eyes, he's dizzy and lightheaded and stutters out that he can't stand. Phil brushes Dan's hair back, frantically trying to figure out what he can do to help the younger boy. 

On TVs all over town, Barry Long is reporting the fact that the Lynx has fallen. 

Cops ascend into the sky, taking their chance to try to inhibit and catch the villains. 

They don't expect to see tears. Close up, the cops realize just how tired and weak the villains are. Bags line their eyes, joints twitch, lips are chapped and eyes are bloodshot with popped vessels. 

The manipulate cradles the Lynx's head on his lap, tears spilling from his eyes. The Lynx is breathing, eyes open although t looks like he isn't seeing anything. 

 

Looking up, Phil sees the cops hovering all around the rooftop. He cries out, almost throwing himself over the other boy's body in protection. 

The cops stop uncertainly when they hear his sobs. 

"Please, please don't hurt him.... We're sorry! We're _so_ sorry... We don't want- But we can't--" His blue eyes flick between officers, scared as a deer in the headlights. 

 

The cops expected the villains to try to fight. They are confused by the tears and the holding and the apologies. But an order is an order, and their order is to fight and to capture. 

So they begin to move towards the villains. 

The manipulate holds out his hands, shaking and unsure. "Don't," he says simply, but his voice wavers. 

The cops keep moving... And then suddenly it's like everything is in slow motion. They look around in surprise, but everyone's power is inhibited. It feels like lead is attached to their feet, like something is dragging them back when they want to go forward. 

Gasps of surprise ring out as they realize that this is the manipulate's power at work. He's incredibly powerful, even as weak as he is, but there's no way that he can hold out forever. 

 

Phil curls himself into a ball next to Dan, feeling his power seep out of his body as he slows down dozens of people at once. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he chants, and the cops exchange confused glances at his words. 

He doesn't bother to explain, all his focus on slowing down the coming assault. But controlling dozens of powers while he's exhausted and weak... Having to face everything without Dan by his side... Phil can't do it for long. 

Finally, the boy all but collapses, and the cops begin to quickly dart in. 

But before they can do anything, a force field darts down from above, protecting the boys and pulling them up into the sky. 

Where the two boys lay two seconds before, nothing remains. The cops shake out their limbs, looking around but not finding anything. Each of them are picking apart the words that the villain yelled to them in their heads. 

Why would he be sorry?

 

As they board the jet, Dan is still almost unresponsive and Phil's eyes dart around cautiously. His stomach is growling, nausea threatening him. 

Mrs. Parkinson, standing at the back of the jet, orders the scientists to take care of the boys quickly. She will talk to them when they get back. 

Scientists carry the boys across the roof and down the stairs, depositing them on infirmary beds. After an hour or two, both boys are conscious, and Mrs. Parkinson leans over them as she begins to speak slowly and clearly. 

"Boys, I am disgusted. You didn't even _injure_ a single citizen!"  
"--And not only that, but you apologized like a fool. You cannot give us away. Or I will see to it that you two are separated."

Dan and Phil probably couldn't speak much even if they wanted to, so instead they just stare vacantly at the ceiling and nod when Mrs. Parkinson asks them a question. 

"You will be allowed one single day off. And after that-- don't expect my mercy." Mrs. Parkinson speeds out of the room. 

 

There is silence for hours, but Phil's breaks it. 

"Dan, you know what this means..." He says, voice low and grainy.  
"What?" Dan half-mouths, not yet able to speak.   
"We have to talk to Xavi and Cate."

"No, Phil... That's trouble. You shouldn't. I don't want you to-"  
"Dan, we're in trouble now. You know we need to-- we have to.."  
"Alright... Just... We need to rest more..."  
"Alright. 

The silence persists for a while longer, cold calloused hands held between beds. 

Then, like some sort of mutual agreement, they stand up. After waiting a couple seconds for Dan's lightheadedness and Phil's nausea to clear, the boys wrap their arms around each other's shoulders and support each other as they walk out into the hall.

Breathing in time, they don't have to say anything to know everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: buzzlester
> 
> more from me:  
> royal blood- royalty au with many twists  
> friends shouldn't kiss me like you do- reality with heavy angst + happy ending


	23. You Can Tell Them I've Been to Hell and Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys we are painfully close to the end?? i think i'm going to cry

Dan, Phil, Xavi, and Cate plan it all out. 

Dan and Phil have one night of rest, and they sit in Xavi's room until the early hours of the day, talking in hushed tones and hashing out details. 

They talk about everything that could go wrong, they make plans and separate plans. 

Finally, when everyone agrees that they may actually be able to pull it off, Dan and Phil walk quickly and quietly down the halls. They sleep in Dan's room, pressing together without a word. 

They don't have to speak to understand each other, not anymore. 

 

Early in the morning, Xavi wakes up and wakes Cate up. They make their way to the airship, where Ruby waits for them. She unlocks the door and they climb in, stowing away and breathing hard. 

The sky above them is dark as always, but dawn breaks in the city. 

Footsteps pound through the hallway, and Xavi and Cate almost stop breathing as they hear a scientist talking to Ruby. 

"Why are you on the ship?"  
"I'm just- doing preliminary check..."  
"That's _my_ job."  
"Oh-- I, uh... I must've gotten confused."

There is a pause. 

"Fine. Have you already checked everything?"  
"Yes."  
"Makes my job easier then, I guess. Don't let this happen again."

As the footsteps disappear they let out a long breath. 

A couple of hours pass, and Ruby locks up the jet and leaves. Xavi and Cate fall asleep. 

 

They awaken quickly, however, when they hear the crew coming across the roof and the doors to the ship being thrown open. 

"Through here," a voice says.   
"I've done this before," Dan replies, his voice cold and hard. 

Phil holds his hand, looking down and choosing not to speak. 

The silence in the air makes it seem like the two boys are walking to their deaths, and for all they know they could be. They did their best to ensure that the plan didn't have any holes where things could go wrong, but there are things that they couldn't foretell. 

 

The scientists fill up the sleep serum in glass vials and hold it out to the boys. They share look before they drink it, they squeeze their hands together and take a deep breath before pouring it down their throats. 

If they are lucky, it will be the last time. 

 

It will be the last time that they lie down on uncomfortable cots and close their eyes.

It will be the last time that they nod at each other before rolling over. 

It will be the last time they are shaken awake as the jet hovers in the sky. 

 

"Ready, Phil?" Dan asks in a low whisper.   
"I guess," Phil answers, and they step out of the airship and into the sky. 

It's a routine, descending on a cloud of shadows to a high roof. They hear the alarms going off, the wretched screams of people who thought it would be safe to run through the streets at this hour. 

Some people are unlucky. Dan and Phil, maybe, are amongst them. 

But today, those unlucky citizens will not be killed. Today is the day that Dan and Phil get out. Or... try to. 

Step one of the plan is to capture the airship and get Xavi and Cate out of it. Phil shuts his eyes, blocking out the background noise that fills his ears and sensing the power around him. 

He is overwhelmed by the citizens below, trying vainly to save themselves in frantic bursts of power. He finds Dan next, a raw beacon of the strongest, purest, and darkest power. 

But he looks even above Dan, trying to find the dim powers shining from far above. Finally, he senses the airship, invisible in the sky. Guiding Dan's hand towards it, he nods. 

Dan leans in, kissing him on the cheek and whispering soothing words against his forehead. 

"This," he promises, "is it."

And with a wave of his hands, he summons all the shadows he can sense. They billow about, falling into a dense cloud below the boys' feet. Dan concentrates hard, holding onto Phil's wrist to help him, and they begin to ascend.

Phil directs him towards the airship, and Dan moves quickly, building up the shadows around them so that they can't get hurt. 

Dan starts darting towards it as quickly and as silently as he can, gripping Phil's hand in his own. 

Finally, they get close, and Dan shouts in joy as the jet flickers into view for half a second. 

Directed by Phil, Dan begins to send little bursts of shadows into the propellers and release pressure inside, causing the airship to begin to fly erratically. Dan and Phil jitter with nervous energy, slightly shaking with anticipation. 

Suddenly, Cate darts out of the airship and Xavi waves from the doorway. Both have involuntary smiles that light up their faces. Using a sharp piece of metal, Cate flies around poking holes in the ship and making it sink lower in the sky. 

Taking the liquids that are stored around the ship and pooling them together in a dangerous mixture, Xavi threatens the scientists to land on a roof. 

The captain directs the ship until it almost crashes on the roof where Dan and Phil stood not two minutes ago. 

Citizens below are freaking out, calling family members and staring at the news on their phones to try to make sense of the situation. 

Xavi stands in the doorway of the smoking ship, keeping the scientists at bay. Cate collapses on the roof, crying in relief. She stretches her arms out into the sun, sobbing at the feeling of being free. 

Dan and Phil just turn to each other, pulling into a tight hug. They cry of happiness, holding each other as tight as they can. 

Finally, Cate stands up, flies out from the roof and gets the attention of citizens and a camera that's recording live footage. In a shaky, underused voice, she begins to try to explain what's going on. 

"Citizens of Stone Line City," she recites, "we are a part of an organization that blackmails us into assassination for their own gain. They cali to be part of the government, but we ..."

All around that roof is a scene of the purest joy, the sun lighting up Phil's eyes as he hangs onto Dan. 

"We beg for your forgiveness," Cate says, spreading her arms, "and we beg for your help. There are so many other kids trapped back there... We can't allow--"

But before Cate can continue, a shadow passes overhead and blocks the sun. Everyone looks up at once, and at once the euphoric air is broken. 

"No," Dan gasps, "no, please no..."  
"What?" Phil asks, desperate. 

"It's-- that's..."

The shadow is formed by an airship, made of thick metal with a bright red logo tattooed on it's side. It, too, lands on the roof, and out steps two people that make Phil want to cry. 

Mrs. Parkinson, in a metallic outfit and high heels, moves away from her ship. Behind her walks a tall, bralic man in sunglasses and an impeccably ironed suit. They are the picture of well-groomed evil, and Dan lets out an involuntary cry of pain. 

Xavi runs out form the airship, taking Dan's hand, and Cate moves to grab Phil's. The four stand in front of Mrs. Parkinson and her boss, trying to keep their heads held high as the sun glints off of their tears. 

They know, somewhere inside them, that they are already weak. Trying to stop the airship had taken much out of them already. 

"I'm so proud," Mrs. Parkinson chuckles darkly, "who knew you all would try to escape? And with such a... cunning plan."

"I never would've guessed that you four idiots could make a plan so good, not to mention pull it off!"  
"It's about to come to an end, though," she says, her face morphing from a smirk to a dark glare. "And you can bet, after this little rebellion, I'll make your lives a living hell."

Phil lets out a sob, and Dan squeezes his hand. 

 

The sun comes out from behind a cloud, but none of the four are paying attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr- buzzlester come say hi !!
> 
> && check out my other fics <3
> 
> i lov u


	24. Smoke & Retribution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the no update last week-- I'm an intern at a news station on sundays and I totally forgot to pre-write this chapter! well, better late than never, i guess, so here you go! enjoyy :)

Mrs. Parkinson steps closer to the group, a menacing look etched on her face. 

Dan looks around, taking in his surroundings, and it's clear that they will not be able to last. 

Xavi's arms tremble at his side, his eyes downcast as if he cannot bear to look up and see Mrs. Parkinson in front of him. Cate's eyelids are drooped, her fingers moving back and forth anxiously. Her intense nervousness is the only thing keeping her awake and upright. 

Phil, to Dan's left, is breathing hard, letting out little whines. Even though he hasn't been physically involved in attacking the airship, he lead the charge, and did so with his mind. Dan can only imagine how exhausted Phil is. 

And Dan himself isn't doing much better. Small shadows leak out of him in small, harmless bunches, polluting the air on the roof. 

They talked about many different aspects of the plan that could go wrong, but they never once thought of this. Once they took the airship, once they addressed the city, once they were able to stop and breathe... they had assumed that they would be free.

But Mrs. Parkinson raises her arms with a catlike grin, and fear strikes Dan through the heart. 

The four exchange glances, their gazes hardening. 

They have been taught to fight. They have been taught to kill, to sharpen their powers, to knock down anybody in their way. They have been taught to fight through exhaustion and confusion. 

And today, they will fight through it all. 

Dan grabs Phil's hand, moving closer to Xavi on his right. The four form a makeshift wall, their shoulders pressed together. 

They speak no words between them, but they all know what to do. 

The foundation of the roof trembles beneath their feet, shaking their bodies, but they stand their ground. 

Mrs. Parkinson laughs as bricks begin to fly through the hard exterior of the building, hovering in the air around her. She moves her arms in circles, pointing this way and that, and bricks come hurtling up, seemingly from nowhere, to greet her. 

Mrs. Parkinson is a telekinetic. She can control things with her mind, and it is painfully clear that she is good at it. 

The bricks come flying at the four in bunches, quick and menacing. Xavi throws his arms up, using water and chemicals from the airship to block the bricks from hitting them-- or at least slow them down.

Dan, Phil, and Cate shy away, dodging bricks and diverting Mrs. Parkinson's attention as they frantically figure out a plan. 

Xavi's blocks become slower, timed less well, and the other three have to dodge many that he cannot block at all. 

Dan steps in front of him, trying to organize the shadows that are spilling out from his chest. Phil steps up to him, holding his arm in grim desperation. Even incapacitated, Dan and Phil put up a formidable fight. Mrs. Parkinson is forced to stop hurling bricks and instead protects herself from the imminent threat. 

Xavi steps back to regain his strength, and Cate darts back and forth from the airship, bringing him formulas that will wake him up more. 

Slowly, but surely, it begins to work. 

From below, citizens scream and shout, some yelling in support of them, some yelling that they're lying, some yelling in confusion. 

Bricks, though not a particularly formidable attack plan, may be getting to the four. 

Dan's shadows begin to shroud around Mrs. Parkinson, encapsulating her in darkness, but she runs quickly, using the roof to speed her along and making the shadows move to catch up. 

She hurls a brick quickly, and Xavi's vision blurs as he tries to block it. 

The brick hits Dan in the jaw, and the boy immediately collapses. His shadows flicker out. 

Xavi breathes hard, his chest heaving. Cate screams as she sees Dan falling, pouring serums down Xavi's throat in a desperate attempt to make him regain any amount of strength. 

Phil immediately drops to the ground by Dan's side, shaking him needily and yelling at the top of his lungs. Dan isn't dead, not by a long shot, but he's not going to wake up for a while. In Phil's head, however, the boy is either dead or alive. 

He starts shaking Dan harder, tired brain not able to draw conclusions, and sobs interrupt his screams. 

Cate leaves Xavi's side to wrench Phil off of Dan, getting a couple of nasty scratches in the process. 

Xavi stands, leaning against the side of the airship and breathing hard. 

Mrs. Parkinson stands by the edge of the roof, surveying the scene with a content smile. She's surprised that the four had even tried to escape, and it's obvious that they did not consider that they were much weaker than she. Despite the fact that she could step in and end the battle right now, watching them suffer is a much more pleasant activity.

And struggle they do. 

"Phil, he'll be fine!" Cate yells.   
"He's not _breathing_!" Phil is in hysterics, tears streaming down his cheeks.   
"Yes he is! I promise, he's alive, okay?"

Phil stops struggling, slumping over in Cate's arms. 

"Really?"

He reminds Cate of a child, one who's mother has just left him at school for the first time. It's funny how confusion and sleep deprivation can mess with your head until your logic gets turned around. The first time Cate met Phil he was cool, calculating. 

It's awful to see him reduced to this. 

"Really. You'll save him even faster if you just... help us out, okay?"  
"Okay," Phil says, his voice breaking and turning into a whisper. 

Cate and Phil turn around, and Xavi, half-recovered, joins them. They shudder and shake as they face their boss, and she laughs at their dishevelment. 

_It will be almost too easy_ , she thinks, _to finish them off._

Instead of wasting energy, she begins to fire the bricks again, and Xavi steps up to block them. His strength, already diminished, deteriorates fast. Phil tries to help, but his mind is focused on Dan and his aid is weak and almost misguided. 

It's clear that they can't win, and it dawns on them all at once. 

Xavi, holding up his hands to block a brick mere milliseconds before it would have hit him in the face, lets out a cry of surprise. His shoulder slump as he retreats back further along the roof. 

Cate lets go of Phil, taking her own steps back and surveying the scene. Looking behind her to see Dan's unconscious body, a huge bruise already forming on his jaw, the hope seeps out of her and her eyelids droop in defeat. 

Phil is still not altogether present in the situation, his eyes darting back and forth between Mrs. Parkinson and his unconscious Dan. 

Cate takes a deep breath. "We can't fight!" she declares, and Xavi makes a noise of confusion without taking his eyes off of the incoming attacks. 

"But we have to!"  
"Xavi, we can just-- If we could just... Run? Take cover? If the citizens helped to hide us, we could be safe until we figure out a plan..."

The running-- it would not help. Likely, Mrs. Parkinson would come after them quickly. Not all of the citizens believe that they are telling the truth--after all, they're the super villains that have terrorized their city for years--and some might even try to hurt them. 

But Xavi and Cate don't think about this, or if they do they decide to ignore it. The fighting is hard-impossible-and it's taking much more out of them than they can give. 

"How?" Xavi asks.   
"Just-- I should be able to support you three boys. I won't be able to fly by a long shot, but I will be able to brace our fall. We can just... We can just jump straight off of the roof."  
"Alright," Xavi agrees. 

Cate runs back to where Dan lies, picking him up and slinging him around her shoulders, much to Phil's disdain. Then she wraps one arm around Xavi's waist and another around Phil's, telling Xavi to yell when he can't block the attacks any longer. 

To Mrs. Parkinson, it looks like they are trying to encourage each other, share their electrifying powers. But they are breathing hard, determined. They are desperate, all of them, and they will not be stopped. 

"Cate-- I'm drained." Xavi says simply, and like some sort of unspoken agreement all three of them run to the edge of the roof and jump off. Xavi wraps his free arm around Dan's waist for extra support as they float rather quickly through the sky. 

The citizens below shriek and scream. 

And then, suddenly, the falling stops. It's as if the air itself has grown still. An uneasy feeling pools in everybody's stomach as Cate looks back at the rooftop. And-- oh. 

It was not Mrs. Parkinson, then, that they should've been afraid of. Because her boss, a man who they had never seen nor heard of before, is standing at the edge of the roof. 

And with waves of his hands, he can control the very air around them. 

He's a dome, one of the rarest powers to ever exist. The air, people say, is not meant to be controlled-- especially when there are people whose job is to fly in it. 

Cate determinedly pushes down, trying her best to reach the ground. The air begins to move beneath her. Descending slowly, the sire begins to rock her violently from side to side, making her grip looser than it should be. 

Dan, slung around her shoulders, is safe, but her arms slip out from around Xavi and Phil's waists, and they begin to fall slowly through the thick air. 

Luckily, a couple cops who have their sense about them fly up and grab on to the respective boys. Cate closes her eyes, sighing in relief as she continues to push through the air and get to safety. 

A cop grabs onto Xavi, but before Phil can be rescued a violent and artificial gust of wind blows his weak body up into the air. He's practically flying upwards-- directly towards the grips of Mrs. Parkinson and her elusive boss. 

Mrs. Parkinson's hands grab at his shirt, and she pulls him onto the roof. He bellows, crying out and raising his hands to claw at her skin, but his primal instincts are no match for her toned powers. 

"Where's Dan?!" his voice breaks, his fighting stopping. 

They wrestle him into their airship, manhandling him down onto a cot and pouring the sleep serum down his throat. As his eyes close, so do any attempts at fighting back. 

The worried creases in his brow all but disappear, until Phil looks quite peaceful even in the midst of all the chaos around him. 

As the airship takes off into the sky, flickering out of view, a voice from the city rises above the rest. 

"WHERE THE HELL IS PHIL?!"  
"Dan, listen I--"  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU LET THEM HAVE ME IF THEY WANTED--"  
"I didn't mean-- we didn't think--!"

A hollow sob sounds throughout the city. 

For three of the four, freedom is tangible.   
For the other one, lying on a cot, in simulated sleep, nothing really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> complain to me on tumblr @buzzlester
> 
> check out my other "angsty disaster" fics: royal blood & friends shouldn't kiss me like you do !!
> 
> i hope you have a wonderful week (& if you're american, enjoy your day off from school!)


	25. after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys there's only one more chapter!! can u believe this shit

Back at the agency, freedom was always on the tip of their tongues. It was what they lived on, what they waited for, what kept them going every day. 

And now that they have it... It's not what they imagined. 

In part, because there is something missing. No matter how much they walk in the sunshine and stare at the sky, the picture of Phil being dragged into the airship is still clear in their minds. No matter how many jokes they make, the knowledge that Phil is back there, that Phil is _alone_ back there, creeps up behind them. 

After Dan, Cate, and Xavi had fly informed the citizens about everything that they could, they found support. The city agreed to help them as best they could. 

 

Cate joined the cops. 

She's getting ready to fly on a beautiful Saturday morning, and clouds flicker across the horizon. The sun beams down from the sky, but there is an air of sadness around the group. They have been searching for weeks, trying to identify landmarks that Cate recognizes so that they can find the agency. 

And for weeks, flying hours in every direction, they haven't found a thing. 

 

Xavi, charismatic as always, is a benchmark of early morning television. The city is hungry for more details about this plan, for their own safety and their own curiosity. Xavi details the things that he had to go through at the agency. 

He tells Dan and Phil's story, appealing to everyone's humanity. 

"How in love must they have been," he says, staring straight into the camera, "to withstand all of that."

 

Back at the agency, Mrs. Parkinson and her boss are recovering. They are training younger kids, perfecting their powers. When they can, they force Phil into practicing his own power. 

Something in Phil has changed. He isn't scared, isn't nervous. He won't speak, and holds his head up in a straight line. 

He takes blows to his back with an emotionless face. The only way that they can tell that their torture is working is when Phil finally gives in. 

Mrs. Parkinson isn't done with her plan yet. No matter who meets them, if she has a large enough team, at least a couple will survive. She will take them, everyone she has, and she will threaten the city again. And this time, this time it will work. 

 

Dan has an apartment in the city. It's small, but he doesn't need much more than a bed and a bathroom. He sees Xavi and Cate sometimes, but it's clear that he is putting up walls when they are around. 

Freedom, he realizes, is not worth it. 

Phil taught him what it was really like to feel safe, protected, warm. And now that the older boy is absent, his body aches to be held and he is cold even under all his blankets. there is nothing for him to do. 

On a lazy Saturday, he meets Phil's family. They stare at him with wide eyes-- he's still the picture of their nightmares. 

He introduces himself, tricking the Lesters into believing he is not broken. 

He talks to James all afternoon, or rather James talks to him. Tells him all about Phil, how he was as a child, the things he used to say. Dan even sees a couple pictures, and can't help but sigh in fondness at the tiny version of the boy he knows so well. 

Towards the end of the day, he speaks. He tells James about what Phil did for him. 

"Well, that's Phil, isn't it? Always cares about someone else rather than himself."

 

Phil is keeping his outside together, but inside he is falling apart. 

The first night back, he leaves his room, running through the halls and up on to the roof. Dan isn't there, and it's wrong, and he sits on the edge and cries his eyes out. 

And the next night, he does it again. And again, and again, and again. 

He never runs out of tears, never runs out of memories of Dan. Soon, a guard is stationed by the side of the roof, watching him closely as he empties his eyes. 

Mrs. Parkinson comes into his room one day, bringing that black notebook, and Phil knows what it means. He is blindfolded, shocks travel through his body. The pain in unreal, but he never says a word. He will not fight for them again. 

Dan's voice echoes through the room, and Phil cries out. Of course, _of course_ , Dan isn't here. Dan wouldn't be saying these things. Phil will not allow himself to be tricked. No matter how much pain he goes through, at the end of the day he pulls off his blindfold and looks Mrs. Parkinson straight in the eye. 

"Dan loves me," he says, his voce wavering but strong, "and he is coming back."

 

one month later

Cate is exhausted. They've been flying North all day, and somehow the coordinates of their destination got lost. They don't know exactly where they are, and they can't exactly pull out a map in the middle of the sky, so they just keep flying forward. 

And then, finally, she sees it. 

A field, stretching out below them. It's green, almost too green, and one single tree sits on the right. 

Cate remembers flying over this exact field in the airship that day. She screams out in joy, waving her arms. 

"That's it, that's it, that's it!" She yells, and everyone almost cries in relief. They fly for fifteen more minutes, and then they see what looks to be a shimmer in the air. Flying closer, they see that it's a huge building with an amateur invisibility field around it. 

"This must be it," muses Cate, and everyone agrees enthusiastically. 

 

Dan lies down, staring at his off white ceiling. He rubs the small picture of Phil between his thumb and forefinger. Meeting Phil's family had been bittersweet. They were kind, if confused, but he couldn't help but remember how they had acted towards Phil. 

It's not fair, because of course they will love him if he comes back. Now that he has a rare power, the Lesters will brag about him everywhere they go. It is so fake, and Dan just wants to protect Phil from them. 

_How could you protect Phil from them if you couldn't protect him from everything else,_ his thoughts whisper to him, and he whines in guilt. 

It was Dan's fault, what happened to Phil, and he truly believes that. He got knocked out early on, and he should've dodged the brick. He should've been able to use his shadows to bring himself and Phil down to the ground. He should've woken up sooner, should've helped his friends. 

But he didn't, and now his Phil is probably going through the worst torture imaginable because of it. 

Beside him, his phone rings, and he picks the call up halfheartedly. 

"Hi, Cate. How are you."  
"Dan! You'll never believe it!  
"What?"  
"We found the agency! We found Phil! We're on our way back to the city, but we have the coordinates!"

For the first time in weeks, Dan's heart swells and he allows himself to smile. 

 

They organize quickly. Dan, Cate, and Xavi will all be traveling with a slew of cops and government agents to find the agency, where they will arrest Mrs. Parkinson and save everybody there. 

 

It's a Monday morning. The air nips at their bare skin as the group flies through the air. Most can fly on their own, and carry the few that can't. Dan hovers on a single shadow. Despite the mood he's been in for weeks now, his face is hopeful, optimistic. 

Once they bust in the front door, everything seems like a blur. 

They catch the agency off guard, and the cops immediately cuff Mrs. Parkinson. Xavi and Cate hug some of the smaller children to calm them down, repeating over and over again that everything will be alright. 

Dan takes off running. 

He still knows the halls like the back of his hand, and he finds Phil's room with ease. The bed is unmade, and the room looks messy. There is some sort of machine in the corner, and a couple drops of blood on the bedsheets.

Dan feels tears prick at his eyes, but he's here now. And he's going to save Phil. 

He runs up to the roof, but the boy isn't there either.

Finally, going on his last hope, he makes his way over to his own old room. Sure enough, Phil is curled up in a tiny ball, breathing into his pillows. Dan sits down and places his hand on Phil's side, making the boy jump backwards in surprise and fear. 

He cries out as if someone has hurt him, but once he sees Dan his face softens. 

He crawls back onto the bed, eyes wide with wonder. He reaches out to Dan, but doesn't touch him, as if he can't believe that this is real life. 

"Is this a dream?" He asks, and his voice is weak. 

Dan notices the blisters on his hand, the burn marks on his arms, and he almost lets out a cry of his own. 

"Phil, are you okay?"  
"I'm okay," he breathes out, and all his self control leaves at once as he collapses into Dan. His hands wrap around Dan's back, his legs straddle Dan's, and his head tucks into Dan's neck. 

"I'm so sorry," Dan breathes, resting his hands on Phil's thighs.  
"Not your fault."

He takes Phil's hands, and the older boy winces. "Phil, we are getting you out."

Phil cocks his head, staring at Dan almost as if he's analyzing him. 

"I knew you'd come back." He says simply. 

Dan leans forward, connecting their lips in a sweet kiss and bringing his hands to Phil's jaw. 

"You guessed it," he smiles into Phil.

 

Later, once everything is in order, Dan and Phil walk up to the roof. The field around the building has been broken, and the sky no longer appears black. 

They stand by the edge, holding hands, and Dan speaks. 

"Phil, can I tell you something?"  
"Yeah."  
"I think you know this already, but I was really a mess before you came."

There is a short bout of silence. 

"This sky-- I barely knew that it existed. All I could think of was the black that was projected above me. I couldn't control it, I was guilty, nothing was good."

Phil squeezes Dan's hand tightly. 

"You came along, and now-- and now the sky isn't black anymore. He laughs. "Literally."

Phil smiles, planting a kiss on Dan's nose and leaning into his side. "Dan?"  
"Yes?"  
"You know what... I think if I was still ordinary, I wouldn't care."

And half of Dan wants to ask him why, but he already knows. 

"So. This is it?"  
"This is it."  
"Even after everything... I'm almost glad. Because... you just..."  
"Yeah."  
"Yeah."

Laughter brightens the air as Dan slips his hands under Phil's shirt and sighs into his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote u a happy ending are you proud!! but there's still an episode if you're hungry for it
> 
> stalk my tumblr: @buzzlester


	26. To Make it Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this is it. thanks for sticking with me for six months (wow)
> 
> if you wanna know more about what i'm doing after i finish this, check the end notes!!

It's a sunny day, a couple years later. 

Xavi and Cate walk up a gravel road, staring at the odd group of people walking in front of them. Mr. and Mrs. Lester, along with James, are all wearing long sleeve shirts and complaining about how hot it is. Xavi toys with the idea of spraying them with water, but decides that they would not enjoy the prank.

The Lesters have tried very hard in the past couple years. They have looked back on their own actions, realizing that the amount of love that they showed to their youngest was not an acceptable amount. 

They've apologized thousands of times, and they still do, even though Phil has long forgiven them. 

In front of the Lesters walk two tall boys. Dan and Phil haven't aged that much physically, but mentally they are a thousand years older. 

And the reason for this is the six year old boy that holds both of their hands and swings in between them. 

 

After Dan and Phil got out of the agency, it was clear that the rest of their lives would be spent together. They fit perfectly, and both understood each other so well. They rebuilt themselves side by side, and after a year of readjusting to the world outside of the one that they had known, they decided to tie the knot. 

And a year after their small wedding, they drove a couple cities over and adopted a four year old with an attitude that could only be matched by his dads. 

They named him Sandy, and Dan sees his brother every time he looks into his son's big, brown eyes. 

It's the anniversary of the original Sandy's death, and the group is traveling up to the cemetery where he was buried. 

 

"Dads, I'm tired! Why are we walking so much?" The little one complains, and light laughter wafts up from the group. 

"Just like Phil, isn't he?" Mrs. Lester jokes, and Sandy makes a noise of disgust. 

"I'm not like Phil! I'm cooler than him!"  
"Yeah, you're like me!" Dan jokes, wiggling his eyebrows at Phil.  
"Ew! No!" Sandy yells again, and Dan cusses under his breath. 

"Hey! Dad said a bad word!"  
"Dan..." Phils starts, but the situation is too funny for him to have any real malice in his voice. 

Finally, they get the the cemetery. As soon as they walk in, Dan takes a deep breath, and Phil walks around to squeeze his hand. "You okay, Dan?"  
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I will be. I just-- last time I came here, my family..."  
"Hey, it's alright... They want to talk to you, Dan. They miss you."

Dan nods. He had called his family a couple years ago in an attempt to reconnect. They had been just as willing, but everything was slow going. There was still a lot of blame between them, and they had missed out on each other's lives. 

When they reach Sandy's grave, everyone moves around it to form a semi-circle. No words are spoken aloud, but much is said between everyone. 

Suddenly, Sandy breaks away from Phil's hold and runs down towards the edge of the cemetery gates. "Sandy!" Phil calls, horrified. He thought he had made it clear to is son how much this trip meant to Dan. 

He's about to run after Sandy and have a word with him, when he sees his son reappear over the hill, wildflowers in hand. 

Sandy bursts through the semi-circle, placing the flowers on his namesake's grave and giving the stone a little kiss. 

Phil looks over to his husband to see that tears fill Dan's eyes. He moves towards him, hooking his arm around his back. 

"We've down good, huh?" Dan whispers, squeezing Phil's hand.  
"Extraordinarily good." Phil replies, smiling. 

Sandy shrieks, darting away from the headstone again. "There's a monster in the graveyard!" he shouts. 

"More like extra ordinarily good," Dan concedes, laughing at Sandy's antics.  
"Alright, alright. We've done okay."

"Okay."

 

They laugh, kiss. 

"Ew, we're at a graveyard! This isn't the time!" 

The group laughs at Sandy's shouts, and he giggles, pleased with himself for getting a positive reaction. 

The boys laugh again. Kiss again. After all, they can do whatever the hell they want. The sun comes out from the clouds, a brother smiling on a brother. They say their goodbyes, walk out, swinging their son up and down as they go.

 

They are fine in every sense of the word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys!! this fic has been such a wild ride. I love you all so much :,)
> 
> if you're thirsty for more, i'm writing a fic right now called "royal blood". it has a kind of slow beginning because i wan't sure where i wanted the story to go, but now I'm on track and it's one of my favorite things i've ever written. 
> 
> i also wrote an incredibly short fic called "friends shouldn't kiss me like you do" which is basically just an angsty storm (happy ending through dw)
> 
> i plan on participating in the pbb, which i'm really excited about, and i'm going to start writing and posting one shots right here!
> 
> also make sure you're following me on tumblr for more fun <33 @buzzlester
> 
> what did you think about the ending by the way... i wanted to write something happy that wouldn't take away from the story too much and i don't know how well i did that??


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